Hooker 2 the chrysalis
by themeankitten
Summary: sequel to hooker, B/A, AU, very dramatic, Buffy and Angel pretend to be somebody else but they can't forget the truth...
1. Chapter 1

Title: Hooker2 the chrysalis

**Title**: Hooker2 the chrysalis

**Author**: the mean kitten

**Disclaimer**: we own nothing, it's all Joss Whedon, UPN and mutant enemy; we just give the fans a dose of fan-fiction.

**Summary**: second part of Hooker, do not read this if you haven't read hooker. I'll not spoil the story with a summary you must read it at your own risk.

**Rate**: M (Do I write anything else?)

**Things to know**: It's lighter and happier than Hooker, but it's not a fluffy romance. It deals with adult issues and will have some dark situations. It's not a linear story line, we'll jump back and forward until they meet again, ops that's a spoiler!

Also, I played a little game with the headers; it's called: _**guess the song**_, at the end of the story there's a list of the songs used, but if you think yourself knowledgeable in music try to guess them!

**Pairings**: Buffy and Angel, of course! Doyle/Cordelia, etc…

**Notes**: this is part one of three parts…

**zzz**

**The Chrysalis **

**(Hooker 2)**

What is a chrysalis? According to science, it's a stage, a preparation for a new state of being, the transformation that a mere insect undergoes before he can become a beautiful butterfly…

You'll wonder what we mean by this seemingly lame title, change; we mean a complete and radical transformation. At the beginning of our story (Hooker part 1) we met with larvae, the foundation of true butterflies, during the sequel we'll discover their true feelings, their dreams and nightmares, some surprises await at the next corner, some unexpected returns, and some heartfelt goodbyes … do not fret over nothing my friends, for no road can be worse than what has already been stumbled upon, or better that what is yet to be discovered…

'_**The constant beeping on the machine doesn't stop, though it's not reassuring in any way, there's no actual breathing happening, she's in the respirator; her heart stops every once in a while, she endured so much that she's not sure she wants to live anymore. There's a battle raging inside, the pain against the love, what will win?'**_

**zzz**

"_**Sometimes I cannot take this place.  
Sometimes it's my life I can't taste.  
Sometimes I cannot feel my face.  
You'll never see me fall from grace…**_

_**  
How many times have I felt diseased? **_

_**You want to see the light  
Nothing in my life is free..."**_  
**zzz**

**May 15****th****, 2008**

**The battle within…**

Love will win; it's not just an axiom, it's true in its purest form.

Buffy was still unconscious, doctors dared not wake her just so she could feel unbearable amounts of pain; she was slowly healing … or slowly dying, they couldn't make up their minds about it.

So Quentin Travers decided he couldn't bear the idea of unplugging Buffy alone. He called Buffy's roommate and best friend, Willow Rosenberg to assist him in the makings of such a decision.

"I trust you understand why we had to stage Buffy's dead?" Quentin asked, pondering the body language of Willow Rosenberg and his own, they were not amiable in any way, Willow had problems with him, she still thought—probably always will—that he had sent Buffy to her dead when he allowed her to go undercover for all the wrong reasons.

"I don't understand _anything_ about this case, Travers. But I'll agree that she was a good agent, and she gave her life in service of _the force_." Willow mentioned, meaning: '_she gave her life in service of your personal agenda._' At the same time, she was shifting nervously on the heels of her shoes, because Buffy laid behind the white door in front of her, an almost dead Buffy at that, but at least Willow would get to see her friend alive one last time. "Let's just get inside; I need to see her before I can decide anything."

When she opened the door, Willow was assaulted by the constant humming of several machines, Buffy was surrounded by them. She laid motionless, pale, covered in gauzes, inside that huge bed. Willow was hardly able to recognize her best friend.

"She's stable right now, we repaired the internal damage, but she's still critical." The surgeon on call mentioned, behind him came in a team a doctors; they had been trying to keep Buffy alive for weeks. "And there's the issue of her pregnancy; we think she'll heal better… without the baby." The surgeon mentioned carefully, he knew it was a delicate situation.

"You want me to kill Buffy's baby?" Willow shouted to both Quentin and the doctors in charge, outraged with the idea. "Can you assure me that she'll live if we do that?"

"We can't, but she could get better if we do. I want to save Buffy as much as you do, but you must know—" Quentin couldn't finish his ideas, Willow jumped in hollering.

"What I must know is that you didn't approve of how Buffy handled her undercover operation, she gave it all for you, and now you want me to consent to murder, because you don't approve of her marriage with Angelus O'Quinn!" Willow was aware of everything that had happened on the operation. Buffy had sent her security footage, files, letters, even emails where she corroborated the story. "If she hadn't gone so far; you wouldn't be chief of FBI west coast operations right now!" Willow was the only person Buffy would trust with her life.

Quentin didn't reply; he couldn't, there was nothing he could say that would appease Willow.

"There's only one person who could authorize this, and you know it's not me." Willow continued in a more subdued tone of voice, almost whispering, so Buffy wouldn't be upset by her screaming, Willow was staring at Buffy, she was laying there so weak. "Does Angelus O'Quinn know about the baby?"

"We can't even tell him that she's alive, much less that she's pregnant. He's hanging on such a thin thread as it is. He knows about her vendetta, about her undercover operation and still, he's willing to cooperate with us, because he thinks it's what she wanted. He thinks of it as her last wish." Quentin explained.

"And if Angelus somehow finds out that his pregnant wife is not dead and that you asked me to make her abort just to ease your conscience… he'll never cooperate with you again. You have some mighty balls. You have to tell—" Willow stopped when she listened to the strange sounds coming from the respirator. "What's that sound?"

"It seems she's starting to breath on her own." One of the nurses said, the machine was plugged to a computer, and then to a main station that reported the state of critical patients to the nurses. They came rushing when they saw the light beeping.

"What! You told me she was brain-dead." Willow grabbed Buffy's hand and leaned to whisper in her ears. "Buffy, please come back. You must live, for Angel and for your baby. They need you. You are my best friend; I need you here with me. Don't go towards the light, stay here."

Buffy started fluttering her eyelids, she could hear distant voices; she could feel something choking her, machines beeping and lights that blinded her.

"Oh my God! She's coming out of the coma! Get me more nurses, I need to remove her from the respirator." The doctor said, rushing to check Buffy's vitals. "Pupils are responding to light. Can you hear me? Blink twice if you can hear me."

Buffy thought about it, she was feeling pains that gripped her abdomen, like a thousand needles piercing everywhere. But she heard him and she understood him, so she blinked twice.

"Jesus Christ! She's alive!" Quentin shouted as he hovered above the doctors, rushing to get to her.

Buffy closed her eyes again and the past came back to life. She felt the burning sensation of been shot, then the slow drowning in her own blood, the gasping for air, the acrid smell of blood, people trying to save her, Angel screaming, more gunshots and then nothing, like peace, like the absence of everything.

The doctor removed the tube carefully. "You'll feel a gagging sensation, be calm, it will go away, cough; it will help you clear the airway." The doctor mentioned as he sat Buffy up to help her breathe.

She took a deep breath of air and gasped, feeling the tightness of her lungs, air was scarce, and her breathing was laboring. "Get me pure oxygen." The doctor ordered.

A few minutes later, Buffy was breathing easier, everybody was staring at her. "A—Angel?" She talked with a deep raspy voice, managing to say just one word, but it spoke volumes to Quentin and Willow.

"He's in jail." Quentin was quick to answer, but Buffy turned to Willow for reassurance.

"It's true, Buffy. He's in jail. But he thinks you are dead, everyone out there thinks that you died that night." Willow mentioned in earnest; she knew that lying was wrong but telling the truth was worse, she didn't have the heart to tell Buffy that Angel had become a zombie.

"How long," Buffy asked, meaning how long had it been since the accident.

"It's been 72 days." The doctor answered; Buffy actually gasped, that was almost three months in a coma. "Do you know who you are?"

"Summers," Buffy answered with pain, she wished she had forgotten who she was, everything she had been through in those near two years she had been undercover… but she hadn't.

"Miss Buffy, did you know that you are pregnant?" The doctor asked, Buffy drank some water and cleared her throat before she spoke again.

"I wasn't sure." Buffy clarified as she remembered the last days that she had been with Angel; they were trying to have a baby, but it hadn't happened yet when they saw each other for the last time.

"Well, you are. You have about 16 to 18 weeks, by our calculations you got pregnant around February; we are not sure, you'd have to tell us when was the last time that you ovulated."

"That means that I'll be due in November." Buffy mentioned softly. She knew, at least she knew she was late in march, when she last saw Angel she was about a week late, so she hadn't been sure of anything, now it was just plain obvious. "Does Angel know? Did you tell him?"

"No, we didn't have the heart to stage your dead and tell him that you were pregnant too." Quentin answered, wondering if he had made a mistake. "Did Angelus know already?"

"We were only suspecting; we hadn't taken a test or anything like that." Buffy placed her trembling hands above her belly, it felt taught, just a little raised, a bump as people called it. "That's why he sent me away three days earlier, he didn't want me—I mean us—in any danger. He knew his life was in danger and so was mine. Where is Riley?"

"He's dead; he and Lindsay McDonald were killed that night, a bomb placed on their ride back to the headquarters." Willow answered promptly; she didn't think that Buffy ought to be bothered with the details of everything that had been said and done that night just yet, so she avoided it.

"What happened after I was shot?" Buffy asked with concern written all over her eyes.

"Crossfire, a bomb and a whole lot of arrests; that's all you should know. Right now," Quentin asked point blank; he didn't want to dwell on the details either. "But I need to know how much do you remember?"

"About the operation?" Buffy asked and Quentin nodded. "I remember everything; I don't have amnesia if that's what you are asking."

"It would be in your best interest if you were to develop a sudden case of memory loss. I don't intend to reestablish you to your status as special agent … _ever again_." Quentin stopped, realizing that both Buffy and Willow were staring at him with dagger eyes. "You are dead to the world and you should remain that way… for your own safety, how does witness protection program sound to you?"

"I can't believe you!" Buffy couldn't believe her own ears. After everything she had done they were letting her go without even saying thank you. "I expected a lot more from you; I guess I should've lowered my expectations a long time ago."

"What did you expect exactly?"

"Oh, I don't know; I expected a raise, a lovely desk, fame, public recognition for dismantling the O'Quinn Cartel, I don't know. What would you expect? Let me guess, you got everything that you ever wanted, and then you gave Willow a purple heart and lots of shiny medals on my behalf!" Buffy stopped to cough, her throat hurt with the effort of raising her voice to fully express her anger. "You know where you can put those medals... I want money, a big fat check with all the money I fucking earned working my ass off… literally working my ass off for _**you**_."

"Buffy, I don't think I can…" Quentin began but Buffy didn't let him finish.

"I gave my life for that operation; I sacrificed everything, my body, my soul and my dignity. So don't you dare tell me that you can't pay me what I earned! You know what? Why don't we talk about your involvement with section 52 on national television? I'm sure Daniel Holtz would love that full disclosure. Why don't I call CIA and report your shady business on my expense. You need me to keep my mouth shut, and you know the price of that."

"I'll see what I can do." Quentin answered meekly, realizing that Buffy knew too much and wishing that she had actually lost her memory. She was right; he owned her his new position. But that revealed a new risk for Buffy; she had to go on WPP ASAP or Quentin himself would get her killed.

"That's a lot better." Buffy sighed; her mind was in deep turmoil, a thousand thoughts overlapping each other. And they all came down to one thing… Angel. He thought she was dead, that was almost merciful, out of sight out of mind; if only Buffy could do that herself.

"How soon can you get me out of this place?" Buffy whispered to Willow as she started considering how to disappear from the face of the earth.

"Today… I'll see what I can do. You just stay awake. I see a bull's eye over your head." Willow answered as she thought about the safest route to Witness Protection Program.

**zzz**

"_**Feeling I've been lost for years,  
You can never understand me,  
Unless you've seen those tears,  
But you never get to sleep when I'm away,  
I don't mind the deeper that you lay,  
Out of time,  
Pain,  
I can't sleep…"**_

**zzz**

**June 12****th**** 2008**

**10:15 pm**

**Tabula Rasa…**

The bus stopped and Buffy felt like she was inside a remake of psychosis, or some cheap horror movie, it was late at night, only the bus stop seemed to be working, fur balls traveled with the wind across the dusty road.

The sign above her head said: "Welcome to Old Tulsa, Ohio. Population: 300 founded in 1954 by the Reverend Robert Sean Euclid, United Methodist church." So only by that sign Buffy knew that they would be prissy and her been a single mom would be looked upon as if she was wearing the scarlet letter.

She started walking, rolling her suit case behind her; at least it wasn't cold or raining. And she wasn't hungry or tired, she had slept all the way from California, a long trip by any means, a flight from Los Angeles to Cleveland that took 9 hours and then 4 hours on a bus, it had been a long journey indeed.

Buffy passed by several stores, a gas station, a garage, a mini market, even what looked like a hair salon, it might be small, but then Old Tulsa seemed to have everything needed.

A few more streets down the road, she passed by the church, the school, the police department and finally and Inn, the Independence Inn, it looked fairly nice, very country. A small, elderly lady welcomed Buffy from the counter.

"Good evening, Miss. My name is Emily Morton, I run the Independence Inn. How may I help you?" Emily said briskly. How could this chirpy old lady help Buffy? That was a big philosophical question, too big to answer so late at night.

"I need a room for a couple of days." Buffy answered tiredly. She didn't want to engage conversation until she had learned her new identity well.

"Do you have company?" Emily enquired as if she was expecting a tall, handsome man to come behind Buffy any time.

"Nope, it's just me." Buffy answered honestly.

"Oh, well in that case, what is your name, dear?" Buffy thought twice of her answer. She dropped her luggage and opened her wallet, her new identity laid in front of her.

"My name is Sarah Miles, here's my ID, I'm here on business, I bought Mrs. Terrence house, and I'm going to turn it into a bookstore slash coffee shop." Buffy mentioned without giving too many details. She had to say something to the old lady; maybe she would help her getting settled later.

"Oh, you bought dear Esther's house! She was a very close friend of mine, I'm sad to see her departure from us so young." Emily said as she stepped out of the counter and walked towards Buffy. She had been a very close friend of Esther's. Buffy had bough the house from a grandson, since 'dear' Esther Terrence had died at the tender age of 85, a stroke. It seems that everybody knew each other in Old Tulsa.

"I'm sorry that she passed away too, I was told she had some sort of establishment at the base level?" And it would also seem that everybody was old, like the town's name.

"Yes, she did. A music school, it stopped working years ago, so we held our reunion of DAR—Daughters of the American Revolution—there every now and then; and the usual tea party. I'm sure you'll find the decorations quite charming."

"I'm sure I will." Buffy mentioned softly, she had no idea of what she would find, maybe a house full of dead cats, and a huge pottery collection.

"You've never seen the house? First thing tomorrow, I'll get you a tour." Emily mentioned as she padded Buffy in the back.

"I saw it online, I was looking for a small property built like a store and a home above it; and my real state broker suggested Mrs. Terrence home, I felt quite in love with it from pictures and videos. So here I am, now I must take a closer look at my investment."

"And you plan to open this store… all by yourself?" Emily asked; only by that question Buffy could see she was the town's gossip girl.

"Yes, I am a very independent woman; I used to write articles for a magazine in Los Angeles, I quitted and now I plan on opening a bookstore, and maybe write a few books in this lovely town too. I basically came looking for inspiration."

"Very well, Miss Sarah Miles; feel welcome to Old Tulsa. I'm sure you'll find life here is nothing like Los Angeles."

"This is exactly what I wanted. Thank you, now I need to have some rest, I can hardly keep my eyes open." Buffy lied, but she couldn't bear the third degree any more.

"Of course! Pardon my rudeness, let me show you to you room. We'll talk some more later." Emily said, promising a full third degree, some meddling and maybe even some match-making in the future.

**zzz**

"_**How the hell did we wind up like this,  
Why weren't we able,  
To see the signs that we missed,  
And try to turn the tables…. "  
**_**zzz**

**March 7****th**** 2008**

"So, do you think he's ready, doc?" asked the FBI officer to the psychiatrists in charge of Angel's case.

"He's still mourning, but he's as ready as he'll ever be; besides I'm told that he has been quite cooperative with you lately." The psychiatrist answered in cynical tone of voice; she thought that Angel shouldn't be medicated so heavily, but he wasn't the first criminal to be treated like that.

"He's been like that thanks to the lovely cocktail that _**you**_ suggested me to put him on." The FBI officer answered, retaliating that he was only doing what she told him to do.

"It was an emergency measure because he tried to kill himself, and then if I remember correctly he tried to kill _**you **_too. He'll have to get gradually off them, it isn't exactly healthy to overdose people with haloperidol and Lorazepam, and he's been like a zombie because of that, I hardly think he's…" The doctor began but the Office halted her speech rudely.

"Spare me your attempts of a conscience, Doctor Stevens; he was useful and cooperative, that's all that matters, now he's going away, so you better give him lots of happy pills so he can stay in that dream land he's been in for the last few days."

"You have an amazing capacity to avoid ethic issues, don't you?" Doctor Stevens mentioned very angry; she couldn't condone the idea of treating a human being like an animal. "Very well, keep him sedated, but remember that under all those drugs there's a human being suffering and when he does wake up, he might be completely lost. And by lost I mean completely cuckoo."

zzz

"_**Come, as you are. **_

_**As you were.  
As I want you to be. **_

_**As a friend. **_

_**As an old enemy… "  
**_

**zzz**

**April 17****th**** 2008**

**A question of Faith… **

Despite the doctors recommendations to lower the doze slowly and monitor him; they sent Angel away, into Witness protection Program, in a very ironic way, they were honoring the deal that they had previously made, except that now, he would never be able to find Faith, Buffy was dead, and he had no money… oh and let's not forget the fact that he was thoroughly stoned around the clock.

When Angel saw the day of light again he actually trembled, no longer hospitals beds and nurses, but actual people, streets, cars, the world again. He gazed down at the flight ticket, he was been sent to Cleveland, where he was supposed to meet with someone who would give him all the details of his new identity.

Everything seemed to be moving very fast, the lights were blinding him, he knew he was constantly drugged, he had been in that state of abandonment before, and it gave him no pleasure, he couldn't think straight, his mind kept telling him that something was wrong, something he ought to remember but it skipped him every time he was about to get it right.

Then a flight attendance came and ushered him to his seat, first class, at least they weren't submitting him to the horrors of a ten hour flight in couch.

"Can—can you get me some water?" His mouth was dry; his heart seemed too loud for his ears. "And something to eat would be great too… _please_."

"Of course; we have chicken breast, salmon and tenderloin, boiled vegetables and white rice. What would you like?"

"The salmon with vegetables… my wife…" There it was, that elusive thought, he turned to the empty seat beside him, and some images started coming, blood, dead, pain, Buffy. "My wife hated rice; I'll just have the vegetables." He gazed down at his left hand, no ring, they had taken it, and also he had never been given Buffy's last possessions, hell; he had never even seen her grave to begin with.

"Sure thing." The flight attendance said, touching Angel's shoulder with compassion, she knew he was some sort of a lost man, he looked so forlorn, like he wasn't really there.

"That's some heavy shit." Angel said out loud to nobody in particular after the stewardess left, he meant to say that the drugs he was under were too much; they had made him forget about Buffy.

He opened the handbag he had been carrying for hours and found the drugs, Haldol, Ativan, Valium and Ketamine. He had a mind to sell those drugs, junkies would pay top cash for that kind of abandoned state of bliss, he on the other hand, wanted nothing more than to wake up, to feel things, to remember things… he needed to grieve.

He knew what he was facing, he had gone through withdraw once before, he knew what to expect, and he wasn't that wasted this time. He wondered how long had it actually been?

"Excuse me, I'm fixing my agenda, today is the 17th right?"

"It's April 17th 2008," the woman extended her hand rather openly, she was pretty, brunette, about 30 years old. "Hi! My name is Amber, what's yours?" And she thought Angel was coming-on to her when he asked her the date.

"Thank you, my name is … _Earl_." Angel thought about saying his real name or making it up, and decided never to say his real name, or his nickname ever again, and he had not disclosed his new identity yet, so for the now he would be just plain _Earl_.

"Like the TV show! That's so funny, nice to meet you, Earl. Are you going to New York or the Cleveland?" She was quite forward, or sociable considering how single women could be on first class.

"I'm going to New York." He lied, he would never say his real anything to a stranger … she could be an FBI agent undercover.

"Business or pleasure?" She continued as if she didn't noticed the cold, unwavering eyes he was giving her, almost scanning her to see if she was about to kill him, seduce him or both.

"A little bit of both." And the real answer would be neither, it wasn't a business, it wasn't pleasant, it was just a trip. "If you excuse me, I need to use the restroom; it was nice meeting you, _Amber_."

He felt her eyes behind him, she was thinking about seducing him; he could tell.

Angel wondered what she would see in him, he was a cloth hanger, almost 20 pounds lighter, with beard that sprouted with no direction at all, deep red-shot eyes and a face like a serial killer.

He looked at himself in the mirror and shuddered to think he would ever looked like that, he seemed like he was a survivor, like Tom Hanks in Cast Away… after the years of abandonment in the island of course.

God if Buffy could see him, she would burst in tears, he was a mess. If only _**he **_could see Buffy again… He couldn't even visit her grave, it was forbidden, people could be expecting him to do just that, to get him with his guard down and kill him.

**zzz**

"_**Everything's so blurry  
and everyone's so fake  
and everybody's empty  
and everything is so messed up…**_

I wonder what you're doing  
imagine where you are  
there's oceans in between us  
but that's not very far…"  
**  
zzz**

**April 18****th****, 2008**

**Cleveland, Ohio**

Angel walked into the first church he could find and sat at the last bench, he was all alone in there; it was all so quiet that he could hear his own heart beating, and his breath hissing with each painful mouthful of air; he had already started to go through withdrawal.

"I know I'm not the most religious person in the world, but I need to have a word with you… _Mr. God_." He began out loud and then he stopped, how could someone talk directly to God? Well he could, anyone could, it was called "praying" but Angelus O'Quinn couldn't remember ever doing that.

"This may make no sense to you, but… I have to ask." Angel pulled a picture from his pocket, it was a Polaroid from the day after Buffy and he got married, the only thing of her he had been able to keep, he had hid it on his clothes after the breakdown. "You might have this woman up there with you, she's quite pretty, beautiful actually… she's my wife, and I kind of need to talk to her. Could you send her to spook me or something like that?"

Angel felt a strong current of wind enter the church and turned around to the main door, it was starting to drizzle, he almost hoped to find a ghost, but there was nothing there, nothing but wind.

"I suppose that she doesn't want to talk to me. I understand; we ended on bad terms; I sort of… let her die. Maybe she's not with you, maybe she's wondering around lost." Angel turned around and gazed at the images of Jesus and The Virgin Mary. "I've heard that people who died in horrible circumstances don't go to heaven; that they stay and haunt… could you send her to haunt _me_ perhaps?"

"How long has she been dead?" The priest asked, surprising Angel.

"It's been 44 days without her," Angel double checked inside his head the numbers, it had only been a month and a half and yet he felt like he had been in a coma for years on end. "She was killed in a raid; she took bullets meant for me, she is—_was_—a cop."

"In that case, I'm sure that she's in heaven." The priest said, placing his hand on top of Angel's shoulder, squeezing him to show him his presence and support. "Did she know that she would die in that moment? Do you think she had time to understand and measure the weigh of her sins?"

"I don't think she could; it was all too quick for thinking… but she had free will, she was there to save me, of that I am sure. Do you think she's in heaven?"

"I'm sure she is. You on the other hand, sound and look as if you are in purgatory." The priest began and then he sat next to Angel. "That means that you are carrying the guilt of her dead on your shoulders."

"I am! I carry a very heavy load about this… sometimes I even wonder if I deserved to be saved, maybe I should just kill myself and be done with this pain."

"And you'll destroy the sacrifice she made for you? It cost her soul; it's not easy to be the dying heroine, to step in front of a bullet and spare you the pain. So you are suffering… imagine her pain to know that she died for nothing, and consider that if you do commit suicide; you'll never go to heaven, so you'll never meet her again. Are you sure you want that?"

"No, I don't… I just want to know that she's ok… that she loved me."

"She died for you! How much more love do you want? Sometimes I just feel so sad for our lord Jesus, it's people like you that make it so hard for him. You don't have any faith do you? You know what, why don't you come to our support group this weekend? You are not the only widower in the world."

"Maybe I will; you are right, I'm all out of faith these days… she had to love me; she sacrificed a lot to be there… I should just be thankful that she saved me in the first place, she didn't have to, she should've just ducked and save herself… but she didn't." Angel felt the weight of his own words; he measured them and let them penetrate his mind, _**she could have just saved herself but she didn't**_.

Angel felt like there was nothing else to say, so he left the church with a sense of having discovered something great, but he wasn't a man to let of things go that easily, so he went around all night looking for a medium so he could contact Buffy and see with his own eyes that she was in heaven.

Had he perhaps seen "Ghost" one too many times or was he just hanging onto the tiniest hope of seeing Buffy again?

zzz

**April 19****th****, 2008**

**Cleveland, Ohio**

"Welcome to sister Tanisha, how may I help you?" The medium said, offering Angel a warm hug.

"Are you a real psychic?" Angel asked, noticing that she looked rather normal, she was wearing jeans and a t-shirt and her office, was just that, a regular office, she didn't have a crystal ball or a turban, or funny wallpapers.

"Well, I've been doing this thing since I was seven, but '_real'_ is something relative. What do you want?" Tanisha said, as she studied Angel as well; he looked lost, like he was a homeless person.

Angel leaned-in before he spoke again and whispered. "Can you see ghosts?" He couldn't believe he had gone that far, but he needed to know, he just needed to be sure that Buffy wasn't wondering around.

"On occasions, it depends… who died?"

"My wife, about two months ago… can you see her? Is she haunting me?" Angel asked, turning around to make sure that she got a good luck around him, just in case that Buffy was hiding behind him.

"Sweetie, there's nobody following you. And I see no trail of a lost spirits around you… although your aura is very murky; whatever you've been using is slowly killing you from the inside."

"Oh, well I'm fucking depressed, aren't I?" Angel said cynically; he was slowly becoming desperate, every day that went by without medication, he became a little crazier. And then again, medication had been killing him too.

"We'll I would be too, she was nice, smart, pretty, natural blonde and… pregnant… oh I'm sorry, been shot like that must have been awful. And you carried away like you were just another criminal… whoa that's some heavy shit!" Tani said as she saw what Angel had lived through. She was a first person type of psychic; she saw and felt things just like people had done it; she had first person's type of visions.

Angel remained rooted to the floor, trembling; he couldn't even blink for a second.

"Can you see all that? Wait… pregnant, can you be sure of that?" Angel said, with eyes she size of cannonballs and a body so taut that it could have broken if shaken.

"I'm not exactly a peeing stick! But you believe she was… I mostly read _**living**_ people, not ghosts, and you give out all these details, that you are obsessing about… we'll you are wearing your pain on your sleeve, so to speak. I'm reading _**you**_. And you seem to believe that she was. Don't you have some sort of coroner's report?" Angel eluded the question on purpose; the memory of those black and white pictures haunted him, he had developed a sudden attack of dyslexia back then, he couldn't read it, and he would not read it.

"Can't you talk to her?" Angel asked becoming more and more desperate.

"I can't! She's not haunting you or anybody else, she's not here period. She's probably in heaven, all happy and blissful; I can't get her out of there, not even for you with the chocolate, sad puppy eyes." Tani said point blank, she really couldn't see a ghost anywhere near Angel, and he did have sad/chocolate/puppy eyes that would persuade women into anything.

"You should try to let go. She's beyond pain and suffering; all you can do is go on, get back to your life, didn't you have a job somewhere? I don't know, a friend, family, someone to turn to. I can't believe that you are totally and completely alone in this world."

"But I am; there's nobody, just me and… me."

Tani was caught unaware for a second and then she began smiling, she was seeing into the future, Angel's future. "Not anymore, you'll have friends, in this new life that you are going to star very soon, you'll have many good friends. And you'll have to forgive yourself… sooner or later."

The psychic took Angel's hand inside her owns, she felt all of his pains engulf her and then she hugged him. "You didn't kill her, all you did was loved her, that will never stop, just forgive yourself and go on… live one day at a time. That's all you have to do… oh and drop the drugs, you are almost a ghost yourself, barely enough energy to stay alive, eat some chicken soup, sleep a long night and take a stroll by the beach, I guarantee you that you'll feel better after that."

"Do you think that I can come here once a week? I don't know, talk to you maybe?" The psychic was in Cleveland, Angel had no idea of where he would end up, but he could always take a bus.

"God! You are going to suck my energy right out of me. The answer is no! I've given you the tools, now you must fish your own." Tanisha said cheerfully. "You can call me. Here's my phone. I'm sure that you'll do well." She said as she handed him her business card.

"Thank you, I guess I'll be leaving now, I have to catch a bus in half an hour."

"Wait… I have a message for you… _**Sarah Miles**_, I don't know who is that or what she means to you but something tells me that you need to know that name." She saw a young, petite, brunette woman on her mind, and she saw her walking with Angel, smiling and holding hands with him.

"It doesn't ring a bell."

"It will, trust me on this, it will. May God relief you of your pains and keep you safe."

"Thank you."

**zzz**

"_**Now that it's all said and done,  
I can't believe you were the one  
to build me up and tear me down,  
like an old abandoned house…  
**_

_**Guess I let you get the best of me.  
Well, I never saw it coming.  
I should've started running  
a long, long time ago…"**_

**zzz**

**April 21****st****, 2008**

**Old Tulsa, Ohio**

As towns went, Angel noticed that Old Tulsa was pretty vintage, most houses were old, most people were old, even cars looked old, and that was good for him. He had been trusted with a new life.

His new name was David Moore, he was supposed to be a mechanic, and thus he was opening a garage at this place were most cars needed fixing on a daily basis, David's garage to be perfectly fucking obvious.

He was citizen number 301, he has going to have a small trailer behind the garage, money to live comfortably for about six months, and a partner: Frances Doyle, usually called Doyle, he was a local, he owned and managed the only pub in town, and he was Angel's neighbor and partner on the garage since the pub was hardly profitable, they were not many drinkers in town.

About three blocks from them was the Independence Inn, and another block down was the minimart and the church. Basically Angel was lucky to be on the main street and conveniently close to everything important on Old Tulsa, oh… and he was right in front of the bus stop, and that was a major plus. He got to see every newcomer and tourist first thing.

**zzz**

**June 12****th****, 2008**

**What lurks just there…**

"Doyle-Honey, I'm here!" Cordelia screamed as she came inside David's Garage, Angel noticed her presence by her tall heels and long legs; he got a good view of them and a lot more from under an Audi.

Cordelia Chase was Doyle's girlfriend, tall, brunette, gorgeous southern beauty, her parents were from Savannah, Georgia; but they had moved to Ohio years back; and she attended college in Salem, which was about two hours away from Old Tulsa, but she was hardly ever there, she loved hanging around Doyle and their garage too much and she was currently flunking everything else in college.

"Guess what! I'm going to work for you guys." Cordelia said as she peeked under the car and gave Angel a rather full view of her ample breasts.

"Fine," Angel mentioned suddenly out of breath, months with no sex, and now Cordy came and flaunted her goods in front of him. He pulled out from under the car and stared and the miniskirt, the heels and then the cleavage and couldn't concentrate on why she shouldn't be working there.

"Cordy-Darling! I thought you were at Salem!" Doyle said as he came out of the storeroom, she strolled sexily towards him, jumped him and then she wrapped her long limbs around him, giving Angel an even more clear view of her longs legs wrapped around Doyle's waist in some other place, and her round firm ass, with no clothes; Angel began feeling terribly uncomfortable and a little too hot and bothered all of the sudden.

"I missed you. Besides, I had this great idea…" Doyle actually stiffened when she said that. Cordy started making little circles around Doyle's chest with her perfectly manicured hands. "I could come here, and work for you guys, we could move in together so I don't have to travel back and forth every day, and we could do… you now what every night." Angel heard her and thought that was blatant manipulation, if he had ever seen it before.

"What about college, Cordy?" Angel chipped-in since Doyle seemed to be mesmerized and frankly out of words with Cordy seducing him so openly.

"I dropped-out yesterday." She answered meekly, as if it was no big deal to do so.

"You've completely lost your mind." Angel mentioned crossly.

"Who asked for your opinion?" Cordelia retaliated with anger. "I don't have what it takes to become a lawyer and I definitely have no money to pay for the stupid tuition anyway. Dad's flat out broke, so now, I have to get a job, and work my ass off like the rest of mortals." Cordelia's dad had suddenly fallen from grace, and now Cordy was practically penniless.

"How much is it? The tuition I mean, you shouldn't stop college just because you can't get the money. I can't believe you dropped-out without telling me, baby. That was messed-up." Doyle said with conviction, he didn't have much but he would gladly give it to her, so she could go to college.

"We'll loan you the money." Angel said softly, he had just about the same amount as Doyle, but he was all alone, and Cordy was a friend, it was a loan, she would pay them slowly but she would be a professional one day.

"You guys would do that for me?" Cordelia whispered with tears in her eyes as she hugged Doyle.

"You are my friend, and you are smart, you just need to study more and party less." And you remind of what happened to Buffy, Angel thought as Doyle hugged Cordy, well, that's what he _**thought**_ she had gone through, in truth she had gone to college, to the FBI academy and God only knew to what else, she didn't get to be a special agent if she had dropped out college.

"You are the brain here, Cordy-darling. Of course we'll get you through college, come here, and let's go get some fresh air. This place it's getting a little crowded for me. We need to talk." Doyle suggested as he pulled Cordy down, under his arm and out the garage.

Angel watched them leave and felt something tugged at his heart, ah to be young and in love… he felt almost fine, not happy, he couldn't truly be happy again, not without her, but he could feel joy, and seeing Cordy and Doyle together made him feel hope again. Maybe one day he would give it a second try, but not now, now it was all to raw and sensible.

zzz

"_**Maybe redemption has stories to tell,**_

_**Maybe forgiveness is right where you fell,**_

_**Where can you run to escape from yourself?**_

_**Where you gonna go?**_

_**Salvation is here…"**_

zzz

**Still June 18****th****, 2008…**

**10:15 pm**

**If only you knew…**

Late at night that day, Angel stared out the window of the store, he had been drinking Tequila shots with Doyle, alcohol was the only thing he indulged in, occasionally, but that night he felt like he would be crawling up the walls very soon, so he stayed working on a Chevy mustang that needed a new engine to keep his mind off memories.

He was humming to the radio, the were playing Jazz, when he saw the bus pull over, and some small person got down, a teenager by the clothes, a female by the breasts and hips.

She had her hooded jacket on, but he could tell she was blonde, some hairs blew with the wind, she had a huge suitcase, and she was carrying it away through the middle of the street, it was dark but Angel could've sworn that she looked a lot like Buffy; in fact she had the same funny-bumpy nose and tiny frame.

He shook the thought away, he left the last drink untouched and went to bed instead, he knew his mind was playing tricks on him, she was just a girl coming home, not Buffy, never her.

And yet he turned to the window again, mesmerized with the figure that strolled through the street in the dark night. She walked slowly, almost dragging her feet, she was probably tired.

He thought about giving her a hand but before he could even find his t-shirt she was inside the Independence Inn, so he though that she was probably been expected there, a prodigal daughter by her looks.

He went back to bed and stared at the ceiling for hours, he wondered where he would be if Buffy hadn't died, probably there too, the small town seemed like heaven for lost souls.

zzz

**June 22****nd****, 2008**

**Do you believe in second chances?**

"This place smells…" Cordelia mentioned as she entered the old music school now officially been turned into a bookstore, it was dark and dusty, been closed for over a year, it was positively filthy. "Are you sure you want to remodel?" Cordelia asked to Buffy.

"I'm positive, this place already smells like a library, hopefully we'll use that to create ambience, or not…" Buffy said as she felt a surge of nausea when she uncovered a dead rat inside the old piano.

"I've changed my mind. I vote for new and clean, let's just clean this place up and then we'll think about new furniture." Buffy said as she closed the piano and made a note to call for an exterminator.

"Are you sure you want to work here?" Buffy asked with a hint of despair in her voice, if she wasn't forced to be there, she would never be.

"Yeah, is this or David's garage, I don't know about you, but I hate oil and grease, and I can't carry heavy weighs." Cordelia mentioned as she checked her nails, they were as perfect as usual.

"Ok, well hopefully people are going to be drawn to arts, books and coffee." Buffy mentioned as she started uncovering the antique furniture.

"Oh please, it practically reeks success, you forget this is a suburb for rich and retired from all over Ohio, I'm sure your store will do just fine." Cordy mentioned sassily, and that way she'll be able to keep an eye on Doyle and on his friend David too, he was just so cute, all dark and gloomy, hardly said more than a few words, and now he was chipping-in with Cordy's tuition which was a grand gesture as far as new friends went.

"You are not kidding about the reeking part though." Buffy said laughing. She had hope of success and that was more than enough.

"We'll get it off." Cordelia mentioned as she thought about playing a little matchmaking for David. "By the way since you are going to do a party to open-up the store and all that, can I invite my boyfriend… and a friend of his maybe?"

"Of course! I need you to tell him to spread the voice, I'll start handling fliers tomorrow, and a guy from Salem is making me a banner sign for the door. Hopefully will be ready for Friday June 27th, grand opening and all that. Please do invite everybody that you can find!"

"Great, I'll bring people, don't you worry about a thing. This party will be the talk of the town, and hopefully they'll come and buy stuff later."

"We'll keep our fingers cross."

**zzz**

"_**It's not over  
Cause a part of me is dead and in the ground.  
This love is killing me  
But you're the only one**__**…"  
**_

**zzz**

**June 25****th****, 2008**

**It's not over…**

"Mhm whole grain or kosher bread…" Buffy wondered out loud as she shopped at the local minimart for some groceries.

The morning had began very promisingly, she had everything ready for her grand opening, the morning sickness was gone, and the doctors in Salem told her she was doing fine, but she had to eat some more, since she was slightly anemic and her baby was underweight, to that point she went to the minimart looking for foods to fatty up that baby… she had found out that day that it would be a girl, they had given her a Amniocentesis just to be sure that the baby was developing ok.

"I still hate chicken noodle soup." Angel wondered out loud as he picked noodle soup and placed it into the cart.

His morning had began horribly, he was hung-over, his head was about to explode and one of his biggest customer brought the car over because it was still leaking oil, and he had to fix it ASAP, out of groceries for over two days and tired of eating frozen pizza, Angel had decided to do some shopping.

Buffy turned to the next aisle and watched all the cans, and her favorite: the chicken noodle soup was there waiting for her, and it was even on sale, she extended her hand and picked 3 cans and at the exact same time that Buffy was picking her soups, Angel was picking up a bag of whole grain bread across the hall.

They both sighed at the same time, and as they inhaled, Buffy and Angel felt something like thunder striking through them; each other's essence lingered there in the air, determined to cause major havoc.

Angel felt like his loins were twisting in knots, he actually grasped for breath almost suffocating, it wasn't that he was choking or anything like that, something had suddenly reminded him of Buffy and his heart somersaulted because of it. He had an unexpected feeling of déjà vu, like he had been there before, like he was been haunted.

Buffy began heaving and her eyes clouded instantly, rivers of tears gathering, like she was in great pain, she actually gasped for breath, it was him, his essence, his baby, and his wife, no matter how hard she denied it, she knew damn well who she was and what she had done to him.

It hit her like a shock wave, he was alive somewhere in the world and he though her dead, hated her; she had been such a bitch. It came rushing like fire, seizing her and gripping her by the heart. After months of enforced denial, she had suddenly and painfully remembered him again, he hated chicken noodle soup, and she loved it, she actually craved it right there and then, just as much as he craved her.

Blame, Angel wasn't the only one carrying it; she had her own share of it. Pain, regret and lots of accumulated anger. God, if she could turn back time, undo everything, if only she could rip her heart out and cleanse it from the love that it so unwontedly fell.

"Why do I miss him so much? It's not fair. I saved him, isn't that enough? Can you let it be bygones? Can't you forget him?" She whispered, to her heart and to her baby, if anything she at least wanted the child, even if it was half his, maybe more so because of it, Riley's baby would have been a loved child, but she was a blessing, to endure through three months of coma and major blood loss, that baby had to be a great blessing indeed.

Buffy refused to acknowledge the true out loud, she missed him, and if she came face to face with him she would jump on his arms, and beg him to take her, even if he hated her, even if had stopped loving her because of all the lies, even if he though she was a redeemed hooker and a major bitch.

Buffy couldn't bear the essence that lingered and seemed to penetrate her every pore another second, so she left in a hurry, almost running for her life.

Angel on the other hand, remained, trying to catch that faint essence of jasmines and vanilla, he turned around and wondered if perhaps she had decided to check on him after all. And then it was gone, the smell, the feeling of utter despair, it was all gone, like it had never been there; and he also noticed that Buffy used to like Kosher bread, even though she wasn't Jewish, she said it had more fiber and she loved the tiny seeds they would place on the crust.

"I love you. If you are there listening, know that I miss you…" Angel whispered hopefully, he wished for the essence to return, for a ghost or anything else of her to be there for him, nothing, he had nothing of her, not even a picture, what he did have was a Polaroid and it was beginning to turn blurry with so much touching. "Come back… if you want to check on me, I'll be here waiting."

But nothing came back, and he went home feeling lost, like he couldn't bear to be alone. He went home and used some ecstasy, he had traded his drugs for money and a few happy pills, sometimes he just wanted to be away, and he just took two, wishing to God to die and be done with everything.

Doyle and Cordelia found him and convinced him that he should go out with them, begrudgingly they took him to the pub and he had a few beers, but he was mostly tired so he went home early. That night Doyle and Cordelia were celebrating Cordelia's new job. If only Angel had known what he was celebrating to…

zzz

"_**It's been awhile,  
**__**since I've seen the way the candles light your face,  
it's been awhile,  
but I can still remember just the way you taste…"  
**_

**zzz**

**June 27****th****, 2008**

**I got almost over you…**

Angel was ready to go out, after all, Buffy had been dead for over four months; he needed to lighten up a little, get out of that trailer park, and make some new friends. So he decided to go to that grand opening they were all buzzing about.

He even shaved and wore decent clothes since the greasy overalls were not fit for a party. And he came in, at first there was this bunch of people he didn't know, and then he saw the books, lots of them, and they were giving away free Macchiato and Cappuccinos, good coffees as far as he was concerned.

He browsed the shelves and found-out a few paperbacks that he intended to buy later. He though a place like that was terribly needed in Old Tulsa.

He caught eye with some rather interesting pictures in the back of the store, it said "The Old 'Dale" it was some sort of impressionist version of a town, it was rather pretty, almost hopeful, and then he saw a true work of art, titled "Abby's Carousel" it was almost abstract, though he could clearly see the distorted image of a child riding in a carrousel, it reminded him of broken dreams and childhood illusions.

"I moved from L.A. a few weeks ago, I used to write stories for a magazine. Now I'm writing—or attempting—to write a novel, wish me luck." Buffy mentioned to a customer wishfully, she was separated from the paintings by a shelf.

"We'll have to read some excerpts; I must say Old Tulsa needs a famous writer desperately." The customer answered as he drew Buffy towards the pictures. "I heard you did some of these fine paintings."

"Oh, just a couple of them, the ugliest two I'd say, I just couldn't bear not knowing what people thought of them… do you like them?"

Angel felt someone staring at the same painting from across the shelf, he had also heard a voice that he remembered too well; in between the both of them there was a great many people talking and even music in the background but he would recognize her voice any place in the world.

He turned around cautiously, and stared at the face that talked so much like his love. She was wearing some sort of vintage dress, a curious print with huge black and brown flowers, drab by any means, it went down beneath her knees engulfing her in a bell-like skirt; she was petite, with short dark hair, bangs and glasses. But she had an amazing resemblance with someone else.

Buffy felt his staring and her eyes could not believe what she was seeing through the corner of her eyes. When she turned around and noticed his presence, she could've sworn he was looking at her, or more like looking _**through **_her.

Buffy was caught deer in the headlights with Angelus O'Bloody fucking Quinn staring at her, it was him, her Angel. She blinked several times and she could have sworn she felt like the floor was melting beneath her.

"Oh there's David! That's the guy I've been telling you so much about. Come here; let me introduce him to you." Cordelia mentioned as she noticed Angel approaching them, and then she pulled Buffy closer, right in front of him.

"David, this is my boss, Sarah Miles, boss this is David Moore, from David's garage." Cordelia said as she stood besides the both of them. Buffy began to say "nice to meet you" and stopped three times before she could say anything at all, she was tongue-tied; she was thinking, of all the fucking places in the world, we had to end up here …_together_.

"Buffy…" Angel whispered and he barely grazed his fingers across Buffy's cheek. "Good you look so much like her…" He whispered as he framed her face between his hands.

His words made Buffy plunge, she had to act, either she denied it or he would kiss her, he was so close to her, towering her body, so close she could smell his essence, know that she would never forget him. "Hi, you must be David, I heard lots about you. It's nice to meet you." Buffy said, extending her hand, making the biggest effort ever to act like she didn't know him, like her heart wasn't about to jump out of her chest.

Buffy thought she deserved an Oscar for her fine performances regarding Angel and her true feelings.

"Your voice, even your voice, your eyes… there's everything about. Do you have a twin?" Angel said afraid of touching her hand, but touching her face all over, like he couldn't believe she was there.

"Do I have a twin? I don't know. I was adopted when I turned seven. I just might. Why, do I remind you of someone? And could you please stop with the hovering you are scaring me." Buffy said as she tried to pull away from him, but he couldn't stop, he had his hands wrapped around her face.

"It's not a reminder, it's like you are exactly the same person, minus awful hair, glasses, and ugly clothes." Angel mentioned as he fingered locks of her hair, it was still silky but now it was dark.

"I liked you better blonde, but what the heck do I know? So do you guys know each other from somewhere else?" Cordelia asked, she was puzzled with Angel's behavior; and she knew that Buffy had very recently died her hair in a dying effort to look different.

Before Angel could register what Cordelia had just said, Buffy pulled away from him. "Well, it was nice to meet you too David. Feel free to look around; I'll be in the kitchen—hiding my bad hair and ugly clothes—if you guys need anything holler." Buffy said as she dislodged her face from his hands; when she touched him her body felt like she had been hit by lightning, like she could not pull away from the sheer strength of their combined energy.

He cursed himself for being so rude, but his mind wasn't working properly.

Buffy managed to finally let go of him and she almost ran to the kitchen, pushing her way through people; Angel couldn't sensor what he had already said but he could say that he was sorry, and God she looked a whole lot like Buffy, maybe too much to be someone else; so he followed her to the kitchen, chased her like rivers to the ocean, trailing on her essence.

"Take a look at this picture and tell me that you are not the spitting image of her." Angel said as he caught up with her next to the kitchen, grabbing her arm forcibly and yanking her to his side.

Buffy was forced to look at her picture. "I might be, but I resent your comments about me. What is she your sister or something? And could you let my arm go? It's getting a little numb." Buffy said as she took a closer look at the Polaroid and sighed, composing herself; she felt numbed all over not just on her arm, her arm was actually throbbing right were he had touched her.

"I'm sorry. She's my wife… my dead wife." Angel said as he let go, but he remained right next to her.

"Oh!" Buffy looked at the picture again, she remembered that day all to well, they had been at the beach, it was the day after their wedding, she was sipping a coke and he was going crazy with the Polaroid. "How did she die?"

"She was … _shot_. She saved me, the shots were meant for me but she took them." Angel said, speaking about it for the first time in months.

"Oh, well she was your hero then." Buffy thought it was presumptuous to be called heroine when you didn't intended to die. She just wanted to stop Lindsay from killing her witness.

"I'd rather she hadn't been; my dead would have been nothing; hers was a tragedy." He sighed and a tear winded down his cheek. "We were newlyweds; I even think she was pregnant when she died. Can you imagine the pain of her loss? I've been trying to let go for months and then I see you … and it's like an earthquake, I can't even breathe. Here, feel my heart."

Buffy placed her hand on top of his chest, it rose labored and his heart hammered loudly beneath her fingertips, he knew about the baby, at least he remembered her been late, as if the baby knew what it was all about, she began moving, Buffy felt like something was twisting inside her, like bubbles traveling back and forth .

"I'm sorry if I offend you, but you just rocked my world." Angel mentioned as he touched her cheek and kissed her temple. "You even smell like her. I'm sorry, I have to go. I can't bear this." Angel said and then he left like he had to run for his life, Buffy kept the Polaroid on her hands.

"It was nice meeting you… _David Moore_." Buffy whispered as she padded her arm, it still stung, now that she remembered his eyes, they were bloodshot, he was high, damn him, he had gone straight back into the habit again. And he was there, in Old Fucking Tulsa too, what a twist of fate, Buffy thought.

**zzz**

"_**Like anyone would be  
I am flattered by your fascination with me  
Like**____**any hot-blooded woman  
I have simply wanted an object to crave …**_

Like any uncharted territory  
I must seem greatly intriguing  
You speak of my love like  
You have experienced love like mine before  
But this is not allowed …  
You're uninvited  
An unfortunate slight…"

**zzz**

**July 10****th****, 2008**

**Playing with fire…**

"Don't you think that those two have something going on?" Doyle whispered to Cordelia as he noticed Buffy catching fleeting glances with Angel. They were at the bookstore shopping for books on mechanics.

"Please! Sarah knows famous people and he's… well, he's Mr. gloomy, and I hardly ever see him laugh. They don't fit. And let's not mention she looks like his dead wife, 'because that's just morbid." Cordelia answered, as Buffy and Angel browsed the mechanics section.

"They are the only two single strangers in town, and they do have some serious chemistry." Doyle mentioned; he had noticed that Sarah seemed to look—more like stare—at David when she thought he wasn't looking. And David had his fair share of creepiness about staring. Twice that day, he had pulled over by the bookstore just to have some coffee and stare at the owner, and the last time Doyle checked, David didn't do coffee.

"Get out! David looks like he's into blonde supermodels, I have seen his playboy collection, and he favors blondes all the time." Cordelia whispered huskily.

"Cordelia! What have you been doing snooping around David's trailer?"

"I can't help it! He's an enigma, no past, no friends, no jobs before, and he's a seriously bad mechanic… don't you wonder where the hell he came from?" Cordelia had been studying David thoroughly; he was dark and gloomy alright, typical widower, but he was also charming, kind and even funny sometimes, when he cared to say a few words.

"No! I know where he came from… Los Angeles, just like little miss Sarah, who knows so much about the rich and famous, that's the only thing that they have in common… and they are both crazy, everybody is L.A. is crazy, baby." Doyle said as he noticed Buffy and Angel's byplay. He would get too close; she would smile, even skip a few heartbeats to his rather obvious coming on and walk away as if she was spurning him.

To his untrained eyes, she looked like she was flirting. To Cordelia's eyes Buffy was healing a broken heart, if a man like David tried to seduce you; you let him do it, period. Cordelia could even envision hot monkey sex in the back seat of the Mustang, well, she could think of that because she _had_ done that. "Didn't Sarah used to be blonde, maybe they'll hit it off? They sure look like they are getting along."

"Fine, so let's agree in one thing: we know nothing about either one of them," Cordy said as she nipped Doyle's ear, she had began feeling a little disturbed with the staring. Who could have guest that she had some voyeuristic traits on her. "So, why don't we double-date with them?"

"Are you serious?" Doyle could pick up Cordelia's soft hint easily; she got easily bored with the small town life; Sarah and David were just the thing to spark her interest.

"What's wrong? He's your partner and she's boss/friend, I find it perfectly reasonable." Cordelia suggested, to which Doyle could offer nothing to refuse, so he had to agree with her that it could be profitable for them to get the couple together.

zzz

"Why do you need mechanics for dummies?" Buffy asked trying to keep at bay her lust, Angel looked delicious on his wife beater and dark blue overalls, they made his ass look delicious, and his chest peeked from the under the zipper, rather invitingly.

"I'm a dumb mechanic." Lately, Angel had become rather scarce with words. He felt a little too unnerved with Sarah's uncanny resemblance. And he had a huge Bonner all the time, due mostly to his towering height … he could see into Sarah's deep cleavage too easily, and her big knockers were driving him mad.

"That's pretty much sums it up, doesn't it?" Buffy said as she pulled a few basic mechanics books and handled them to Angel. "We don't have mechanics for dummies, but I'll order it online for you, what's your address?"

"I have a trailer behind the garage; you can have it delivered there." Angel mentioned as he wished he could have Sarah's cleavage delivered there too, maybe on some huge poster that he could cum all over.

"Ok, I'll see to that. Is there anything else I could do for you?" Buffy dared ask that question, if she had any sense she wouldn't have asked that; Angel's eyes seemed to grow large and his chocolate pupils seemed to dilate and stare more openly at her plunging dress.

"That'll be all." Angel mentioned, driving his eyes away by sheer force.

"Would you like another coffee maybe?" Buffy didn't want him to go away; she felt elated to have his presence there, and know that he was mesmerized with her expanding breasts. She noticed the staring, the hovering and the halted breath, she could spot sexually frustrated man miles away, and Angel looked like he was starving for some action.

"No, thanks," Angel answered as he tried to focus on anything else but Sarah. He tried not to compare, but it was inevitable. She was like Buffy's dark, older sister, and he felt like a creep for staring at her like that. "I'll be coming over for some more books later."

"Have you already read all those you took the other day?" Buffy asked wondering if he had somehow gotten over his dyslexia.

"Sure," Angel lied blatantly, and Buffy caught it, she laughed right in front of him. "Ok, I haven't! I just like coming here. It's fun." Buffy laughed some more to his comment.

"I like having you guys here. You are sort of like hope in the making. Could I interest you in any book that you will actually read?" Buffy mentioned as she browsed the action section.

"I'd love that. Don't know why I didn't ask before." Angel mentioned as he trailed behind her, catching fleeting glances to her lovely derriere, it was bigger than Buffy's, or at least he thought so.

"This is a series, it's meant for young adults, so it's light on the read. Tales of the Otori, by Lian Hearn, 4 short books about two clans in Japan, it's amazing, it draws you inside from the first page, I just couldn't put it down. Do you like Japanese themes?" Buffy said as she handed Angel the first book: _**'Across the nightingale floor'**_ Angel browsed it, feeling a sudden sense of déjà vu. Buffy had recommended him a great deal of fine books, and now Sarah did the same.

"I'd love to read them, thank you for the recommendation." Angel took all four books and paid for them; he didn't even imagine that he was buying Buffy's second favorite book, she loved them, it was the only other favorite series that she had besides Outlander by Diana Gabaldon.

"I'm glad to be of some comfort… I'm sorry about your wife." She had to say something, other wise she would seem callous. "I guess it's safe to say that you loved her deeply."

"More than life itself, I still can believe that she's gone. I'll be going now; I have lots of work to do. We'll see each other around."

"I'm sure." Buffy said; she was sure they would, she couldn't leave, she should but she'll never do it. She needed to see him, to know that he was ok, to be around even if he thought she was someone else…

**zzz**

This isn't the end… It's like a third 33 of the whole sequel, the other 67 of the story it's still been written and will be downloaded soon….

I thought I owned you some spoilers…

Enjoy!

The mean kitten

By the way don't you dare forget the reviews!!

**Songs until this point…**

Korn "Freak on a leash"

Four star Mary "Pain"

Nickelback "Someday"

Nirvana "Come as you are"

Puddle of Mudd "Blurry"

Chris Daughtry "Over you"

Staind "it's been a while"

Alanis Morisette "Unninvited"


	2. Chapter 2

Title: Hooker2 the chrysalis

**Title**: Hooker2 the chrysalis

**Author**: the mean kitten

**Disclaimer**: we own nothing, it's all Joss Whedon, UPN and mutant enemy; we just give the fans a dose of fan-fiction.

**Notes**: this is part two of three parts…

**zzz**

"_**Voices tell me I should carry on  
But I am swimming in an ocean all alone  
Baby, my baby  
It's written on your face  
You still wonder if we made a big mistake…"  
**_  
zzz

**Hooker 2 the chrysalis **

**Part 2**

zzz

**July 10****th,**** 2008**

**Jealousy and lies**

"Hey," Cordelia whispered, as she passed by Angel; he was once again under a car, this time it was a Volkswagen Beetle, a Herbie as they called it; Angel had bought it on a special sale, it needed a lot of fixing but it was still a great classic, and a way of distracting his thoughts from his sorrows.

"Hey," Angel whispered back as he noticed Cordelia's tiny skirt and ten inches heels. She was sauntering to Doyle; as usual, and as she arrived at Doyle's desk she leaned down to kiss him; giving Angel a fine view of her toned thighs and a peek of something else.

As any man would have done, Angel ogled her; she was beautiful and sultry as well. What Angel didn't know was that somebody came in behind Cordelia with a delivery.

"It's a fine view; isn't it?" Buffy mentioned sarcastically as she handed Angel his requested books: 'mechanics for dummies' and other books that he preordered.

"Sarah!" Angel mentioned as he composed himself to hide his semi-erect penis, and the rather obvious interest he had on his best friend's girlfriend. "It's great to see you again!"

"Don't you mean it's great to see _Cordelia_ again?" Buffy suggested bitingly. As much as she tried to curve her feelings; she deeply resented Angel's interest on Cordelia. She wouldn't call it jealousy but that's exactly what it was.

"No! Not at all, in fact it's great to see _**you**_!" Angel said as he scanned her up and down. She wasn't wearing mini skirts but she was beautiful none the less. "Did you do something new with your hair? You look a little different."

"Please! Don't try to indulge me. I know you are just covering-up." Buffy leaned-in to whisper directly into Angel's ear seductively; she knew Doyle and Cordelia were not that far, they could be listening to the conversation. "Though I must admit that you have excellent taste, she's gorgeous, I'm a little envious myself… but she's in love with Doyle, and you know what they say about Irish vengeance…"

"I _**do**_ know! You are right; I should just focus my attention on you." Angel whispered back as he drew a little closer to her, sniffing the essence of her perfume on her nape. "How's the store? Profitable I hope?"

"It barely makes even. But it keeps my free for writing and painting." Buffy admitted as she scanned him as well; she had never found the mechanic type sexy, but Angel bore the outfit like he was coming out of a porn movie, rather than a filthy garage.

"Could I hope to read an excerpt any time soon?" Angel suggested as he rose to full height just to take a peek at Buffy's plunging cleavage.

"I'm shy; maybe when I'm a little more advanced I let you take a peek." Buffy suggested playfully.

"Use me." Angel said point blank. And his words made Buffy's heart somersault. She knew he was staring at her breasts; he didn't bother looking at her face every once in a while, he was that smug. And yet his comment made her jump out of her body with something close to lust.

"I'm sorry?" Buffy asked as she remembered all to well what he meant by been used. "You want me to use you for what exactly? Because I'm not that desperate, you know?"

"Like a character! You know! For your book… well, little Miss Sarah Miles has a dirty kinky brain." Angel suggested as he noticed a faint blush creeping up Buffy's neck. "I'll mean that… _if you want me to mean that_." Angel suggested playfully as he toyed with Buffy's bangs, messing her perfect hairdo.

"No please don't. I really can't…" Buffy began but she couldn't contain the giggles coming from Angel, Doyle and Cordelia. She took a step back and composed her hair back to place. "I will use you when… I mean I'll use you _for my book_."

"Hey, I'm available like that too! You know where to find me when you get that _desperate_." Angel suggested as he shared laughs with the rest of the group.

"Guys, let's make this official, why don't we go out? You know, have some beers; grab a bite. I don't know. What do you think?" Doyle suggested just to fill-in after the giggles.

"We could do a movie, I'm dying to see Iron Man, and maybe we can catch it in Salem?" Cordy mentioned. There was no movie theater on Old Tulsa, so they had to go to Salem if the wanted to see a movie. "Bossy, you know you are dying to get out…"

"Well, I can't very well say Old Tulsa is that much fun for a single/desperate girl like me… so I'll go. Are you in, Dave?" Buffy asked Angel, knowing he would say yes.

"I'll pick you up, say Saturday around six pm. We'll meet them on Salem." Angel suggested as he got under the car again.

"Cool, I'll get Cordelia; we'll meet you at Cordy's dorm." Doyle mentioned as he and Cordelia got back to their private conversation, leaving Buffy and Angel alone once again.

"Hey, what do you want me to wear?" Buffy couldn't resist the temptation to lure him on, so she leaned down and bared her expanding boobs as she got down next to Angel. "I could do some miniskirts and some cleavage… you know, just to try and keep up with Cordy."

"You…" Angel meant to say that she was mean, but he found her sizzling eyes too alluring; she knew perfectly well that she was taunting him with her breasts. "You look beautiful no matter what you wear."

"That actually sounded like a compliment! I didn't know you had it in you. Go figure!" Buffy mentioned jokingly. "I'll see what I can do to keep your attention focused, _Davie_." Buffy said huskily as she winked at him.

**zzz**

**July 12****th****, 2008**

**Saturday night live… **

"I can't wear this. It's too obvious!" Buffy screamed as she tried yet her third outfit; she was coming close to critical mass in terms of baby hiding, just one look at her profile and she was found.

"Ok, so I can't wear anything even mildly tight, so I'm down to dresses." Buffy mentioned as she pulled out a mini-mumu; it had spaghetti stripes and it bared her legs almost completely. "This could work. Maybe I'll try this with hot pants."

Buffy decided on the mumu and black hot pants. It was almost too much to wear so pregnant but she could pull it off. She still had amazing legs and her breasts were fine enough to go commando.

She did her eyes in Smokey grey and they seemed to spark without the glasses. They were a curious aqua that night and the dark hair made them more striking.

Buffy stayed in front of the mirror mesmerized at her looks, she was almost somebody else, the hair, the glasses, the twenty pounds of overweigh perfectly distributed to create new and sexy curves; she could not find herself in there… and yet she look beautiful as well. She had that pregnant glow thing, and she felt amazingly great.

She couldn't bear the temptation to see just how obvious she was, so she turned to the side and wrapped the silk around her torso.

There it was that b-minus look, a perky, lovely, and obvious bump; she was almost six months pregnant for God's sake. She should just come clean about her state, her friends weren't blind; it was just a matter of time before she was done hiding it.

"You know, Abby. I don't think I've ever felt so great before; there he is," Buffy said out loud to her daughter as she heard the bell ringing. "_He's_ _your daddy_."

**zzz**

"Whoa," Angel mentioned obviously, he was dumfounded to see just how great she could look when she was dressed to kill. "You look stunning."

"Thanks. Do you want to come in? Can I offer you anything?" Buffy suggested as she felt very pleased with his obvious awareness. "I made apple pie, can I offer you some?"

"Not, that's ok. Let's just get going; I've heard there's traffic because of the rain in Salem." Angel mentioned; he wasn't sure he wanted to come inside Sarah's place just yet. A part of him wanted nothing more than her, but the other side still felt like he was committing a sin by seducing Buffy's almost twin sister.

"As you wish, let me go get my coat and we'll leave." Buffy said softly; she understood his hesitation. She wasn't ready to go there either.

"By the way, let me just say, whoa, you have amazing legs, if I were you, I'd never wear pants again." Angel mentioned as he escorted Buffy to the car and opened the door so she could slip inside.

"Thanks. By the way, you clean up nicely yourself, and I love what you did to Herbie, he looks amazing too. Are you ready to party or what?" Buffy asked as she fastened her seatbelt; she noticed that it made her state too obvious so she covered with her purse quickly.

"I'm game if you are." Angel suggested sassily as he flashed her one of his famous smirks and a sexy wink.

"I don't know why, but this feels like you are hitting on me." Buffy asked; she wasn't stupid or blind, he had been hitting on her from the moment he met her.

"I am." Angel admitted point blank as he changed gears. "Do I dare have hopes?"

"We'll see, _Davie_. Night's still young. Who knows what might happen later." Buffy acknowledged with innuendo; a part of her wanted to play that game, but she knew it was too dangerous; this could only be innocent flirtation, nothing more and nothing else.

"I can live with that." Angel responded, feeling just as confused; he wanted to pursue her and yet he feared of his own feelings, of just how strongly he could feel about little Miss Sarah Miles.

**zzz**

_**"You hold me without touch.  
You keep me without chains.  
I never wanted anything so much than **_

_**To drown in your love and not feel your rain…**_

Set me free, leave me be. 

_**I don't want to fall another moment into your gravity.  
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed to be.  
But you're on to me and all over me."  
**_

**zzz**

"This isn't what I had in mind." Angel said as he passed Buffy the popcorn.

"Hey, there's only three movies, and Iron Man was sold out hours ago, its Salem not Los Angeles." Cordelia said as she passed the popcorn to Doyle.

"This movie sounds lame." Doyle mentioned based on the title and the actors. They had end up watching _**'Ps I love you'**_ which didn't sit well with Angel and Doyle, because it was too much of a chick flick, but they had to suck it up because it was too early to go clubbing. (_Note to reader: pretend this movie came out around this time, I know it didn't. but hey it's fiction!_)

"It's based on a fairly popular book. But it's still a chick flick. And Cordy here…" Buffy said as she handed Cordelia a small package of Kleenex. "You'll need them later."

"Have you read the book? Is it any good?" Angel whispered to Buffy.

"I don't think it's your kind of reading. If I say anything I'll spoil the movie. But it's safe to say it could make you feel … _emotional_." Buffy mentioned as she pulled some Kleenex to have handy for later.

"What? Don't tell me. The guy dies, or the girl dies, or they both die."

"Just watch the movie."

**zzz**

"So, did you like the movie?" Buffy asked timidly, she had seen him and he had seen her, they had teary eyes at the same times, once she even leaned her head on his shoulders and wetted his shirt involuntarily, he didn't comment on it but he had glassy eyes as he turned to her and wrapped her arms around her shoulders.

"It's good but…" Angel began but seeing Sarah and remembering Buffy too much, he lowered the eyes overcome with memories. "It gets … _emotional_."

"I know just what we need to cure it!" Buffy suggested as she took Angel's hand and led him to _**The Blues' Note**_ a famous bar nearby. Cordelia and Doyle where right behind them.

"You have tiny hands, you know?" Angel mentioned as she measured his hands next to Sarah's. "They aren't usual on painters."

"I'm a painter as a hobby, my thing is writing, as you can see my hands are knobby, I use them too much." Buffy mentioned on purpose.

"You do?" Angel asked filled with innuendo. "You know, Sarah? If you are getting near that desperate area … I have a hunch that we could get along just fine."

"I didn't mean it like that. I'm beginning to think you are seriously hitting on me."

"And what if I am? Would you consider a private date… maybe something else afterwards?" Angel asked as he caressed the back of Buffy's hand.

"Maybe…"

"Here we are, oh my God it's karaoke night! Doyle, we have to sing." Cordelia vouched as she noticed the banner.

"Ye need to get me stinking drunk before ye can…" Doyle began but Cordelia didn't let him finish; she drew into the bar and the noise inside was so great that it was too late to say no.

"There no Irish man who can't sing a tune. Isn't that what they say?" Buffy asked as she also entered the club.

"I feel Doyle may be the man who breaks the rule!"

"I'll go to the ladies room; I'll meet you later!" Buffy shouted as she walked to the restrooms.

"Sure, I'll be by the bar!" Angel replied as he sat next to Doyle and ordered a beer.

**zzz**

"So are you and Bossy hitting it off?" Cordelia asked to Angel as they shared a few beers by the bar later.

"We are just friends, Cordy." To his crew, Sarah was just another friend; to Angel's private matters, she was a work in progress, a maybe, if he dared try to love again.

"Oh! In that case, let me introduce you to a friend of mine who's right over there." Cordelia waved to Rebecca Lowell and she waved back. "Her name's Rebecca; she's a senior in dramatic arts, she goes to college with me. She saw you all alone by the bar and she couldn't help to notice you. Let me introduce you to her."

"Becks, this is my friend David!" Cordelia had to shout because of the loud music.

"It's nice to meet you. Do you want to dance?" Rebecca asked as she shook hands with Angel.

"Maybe later, I'm a little out of the water with that kind of music." They were playing regaetton; which was a little too fast and too sexual for Angel. And more to the point he had come with Sarah and she wouldn't take it nicely if he suddenly decided to ditch her for a slut like Rebecca.

"Ok, that's cool… hey get me a Heineken." Rebecca asked the bartender as she sat next to Angel. "What do you do for a living?"

"I'm a mechanic." Angel said softly; he was looking out, trying to find Sarah among the crowd. But there was no sign of her, so he had to pay attention to the brunette. Rebecca though he had said: _"I sell Manolo Blanik."_

"That's so great! I have a friend who owns a shoe-store too. That's amazing." Rebecca said as she sipped her bear. "I love Manolo Blahnik, I love Christian Loubutin too, but Manolo it's amazing. How long have you done that?"

Angel didn't know what to answer; he had no idea of what she meant. "It's been a couple of months."

"I bet you know famous people! I'd love to meet Madonna, she's amazing. She just keeps reinventing herself. What's your favorite kind? Stilettos, boots or sandals; I love them all."

"I don't know what…" Angel couldn't understand how Rebecca had begun that conversation about shoes. "Sarah! There you are, darling; I've been looking for you all night! Let's go dance." Angel suggested grabbing Buffy's hand as he muttered _'save me from this psycho'_ and pulled her away from the bar altogether.

"Darling! I'm sorry; I didn't see you there by that… woman!" Buffy mentioned as Angel guided her to the dance floor.

"You have a thing for dangerous mini skirts don't you? That women reeked man-eater all over her." Buffy continued as she noticed Rebecca's look, she begun wondering if maybe Angel had changed his hair stereotype after all. She had raven-black hair, sultry eyes and a body that was to die for.

"Well, look who sounds jealous." Angel whispered as he led Buffy through the throngs into a dark, tiny spot.

"I'm not jealous! I'm concerned about your fragile heart!" Buffy shouted back, as she squeezed her body through the people, she didn't like sweaty strangers one tiny bit.

"I don't have a single fragile thing on me, so come here and let's dance; I didn't come here to talk." Angel said as he pulled Buffy by the arm and plastered his body to her side.

"Sure!" Buffy hollered as Angel grabbed her by the hips and rubbed his hips against hers to the rhythm of the music. "Careful! I do have fragile bones on me." Buffy said meaning that they had a baby between them; he shouldn't get that tightly against her; she could feel his penis poking at her for Christ's sakes.

"Sorry, sweetheart." Angel whispered as he gently drew Buffy into his embrace, caressing her shoulders. As Buffy leaned onto Angel, wrapping her arms around his torso her body started feeling hot, like it would throw sparks if he tried to kiss her, too much to remember and too little space to avoid the body's memories.

He let his hands glide down her naked shoulders, down to her back and then to her hips, feeling her spine with questing fingers above the silk.

Buffy continued moving to the music, feeling like his body was too warm and too close to hers, like his hands were walking an all too familiar path.

She could feel his warm breath on her nape, his piercing eyes digging wholes on her cleavage. She could hear his heart beating under her fingertips fast and charged as usual and it drove her crazy.

Angel was feeling driven too, like he would kiss her if she dared look at him with desire. Beneath all the layers, the fear and the memories, he was becoming terribly aroused with Sarah.

She suddenly gazed up bewitched with his chocolate eyes, and their cheeks touched, igniting sparks all over. Before Buffy could think about it, she stretched her heels to reach his lips and nipped him. Angel stayed there caught between responding and puling back, and he couldn't make up his mind.

Too fast and too soon, the song ended but both Buffy and Angel remained locked onto each other.

"You guys want a beer?" Doyle asked as he passed by the couple, and that broke Buffy's mesmerizing daze.

"Let's go get something to drink its too hot in here." Angel suggested tugging Buffy under his shoulder.

"Right," Buffy whispered as she swallowed hard, she felt that heat aright, in fact; she was developing a fever herself.

**zzz**

"I'll have a coke." Buffy said as she sat next to Angel by the bar.

"Do you mean a _Cuba libre_?" the bartender suggested as he poured the coke onto a plastic cup.

"No, just the coke, I'm AA, I don't drink." Buffy admitted. What she actually meant was she couldn't drink because of the baby, but she though AA was far more respectable and less conspicuous.

"I didn't know that." Angel mentioned as he also ordered a coke. "Were you an alcoholic for a long time?"

"For a few years, I would drawn in booze every weekend, but know I just rather stay sober, dance with no drinks, not even socially. I can't tell the difference, where fun ends and addiction begins, it's such a blurry line for me." Buffy said as she remembered something Angel himself had said to hers once before.

"That's amazing. I totally hear you. You are great you know?" Angel said as he developed a bran new appreciation of Sarah.

"Thanks," Buffy admitted meekly.

**zzz**

"I had a lot of fun today." Angel mentioned as he opened Buffy's door.

"Me too, I thought it was great when we sang 'We are the champions' together. I still can believe how bad Doyle is, really; he can't sing." Buffy mentioned as she stayed by the threshold next to Angel.

"Would you like to go out again next Saturday? We'll make just you and me." Angel asked filled with hope.

"Maybe, what did you have in mind?" Buffy asked as she twitched her legs nervously, she knew damn well what he had in mind.

"Just dinner, nothing too complicated. Call it friends plan; I just like your company." Angel acknowledged easily; he loved her company alright.

"I'll think about it, ok? Give me a call and we'll talk."

"You bet I will; nightly-night, Sarah." Angel whispered as he kissed Buffy on the cheek.

"Sweet dreams, _Davie_." Buffy whispered back as she waved him goodbye; she felt once again like she had sold her soul to the devil as she saw him leave on that beetle.

How on God's name could she be so devious? Who was she kidding? She wasn't Sarah Miles. She was Buffy Summers nothing but a double-faced lying bitch and a redeemed hooker.

**zzz**

"_**Maybe you want her, maybe you need her,  
Maybe you started to compare to someone not there  
Maybe you want it, maybe you need it,  
Maybe it's all you're running from,  
Perfection will not come…"**_

**zzz**

When Angel got back home, he sat down on the floor, next to Herbie and something told him to take pen and paper and just write down his feelings:

_Beloved Buffy,_

_I can't find a better way to begin this letter but saying how much I've missed you, it's been 130 days to the day since you died, I could count the hours and the minutes but I don't exactly know when was it that your heart stopped beating. _

_I do not know where you lay, you must think that I don't remember you 'cause I've never been to your grave. But in my mind, I've been there all the time._

_I was watching a movie today, with a girl, yes, I know what you are thinking; it was about damn time you got out and had some fun. You were always like that, but it wasn't fun, it made me miss you ten times more that I usually do._

_She looks like you, talks like you, and even tastes like you… and that's a horrible thing to admit, but I have to tell you that I've kissed her. And I fucking liked it._

_You are probably frowning, thinking that it's a little too soon to get back on the horse, I agree with you, but she has something, maybe her amazing resemblance to you, that makes want to stop thinking and just act._

_We watched: 'P.S. I love you' which I did not like, in fact, I found it quite depressing and rather poorly acted, but all over it rang a bell too close to my heart: _

_That is, how you neglected to leave me something to cling to when you left me behind so abruptly, notice that I've been reading thus I have new vocabulary, I have bought an encyclopedia and everyday I read a page just for the sake of learning, you always said that my neurons were wasting away, that I should find some use to them, well I'm trying to get back on track for the day we meet again, maybe I'll even write you a poem… don't wait up for this darling, this may take me the rest of my life, may that be a mercifully short one._

_Sarah, the girl I was telling you about, gave me a book that's been fun to read, very entertaining, I wish you had read it with me, but I presume that you already had, since you devoured books so easily, anyway I just wanted to say that I remember you… every minute._

_Maybe you don't want to hear this… but I forgive you; I know you lied, I know you were never honest and truthful about anything you said to me, I know that all you wanted was to have revenge for the things my father did to your family; but I don't care about any of that; I still love you. I was never a saint, I did horrible things in my life as well, but I had you to redeem me. I knew aspects of you that only a true lover could know, I felt you more than I've ever felt anything else in my life, you meant everything to me and I rather have your hate than nothing of you._

_But there's one thing that I can be sure of; Buffy… that is that you loved me too, against your better judgment, against you principles, and mostly against the oath that you made to your grandfather, I know that because you died to save me. You knew what you were doing and you still did it. I think it was because you loved me; if you did not, please don't say it, I don't think I can bear it. _

_I don't regret this life at all, you know? I only regret the time I wasted not loving you when our time together was meant to be so little, I only wish I'd known what would happen later. _

_If only I had met you in another life, somewhere we weren't born to this bloody destiny…_

_If only we could pretend to be Sarah and David, a librarian and a mechanic, begin this new life with a clean slate, like we never knew better… _

_I don't even know why I write this letter, except to maybe feel better about myself, I know that you'll never read it, I know that you are in heaven, and I know that you are gone to me, I'll never see you again because I don't believe in that peaceful place, and quite frankly I doubt they'd let me in, I'm too tainted for them, so you see my love? It's a sad ending all along. _

_You are—were—an optimist so you'd say that 'it can get better then', you'd say that I could still have a fulfilling life, with children and grand children, that I could even find love again with this Sarah, and I'd say maybe. She's there for me, she's fun to be around, and she's a solace. But she isn't you, and I don't think I can ever love her like I loved you. It's all so unfair, this life we lived, don't you think?_

_I can't promise you that I'll meet you in heaven, I don't think I deserve to… but I'll try, as God as my witness, I'll try, you just stay there, I'll find you, no matter where you are._

_Always, yours._

_A._

_P.S. I'll love you forever, only you._

**zzz**

**July 22nd, 2008**

**Wolves' pact**

"It's been a while since the last time we met." Daniel mentioned as he drank a sip of his scotch on the rocks. They were at a strip bar in Los Angeles.

"I'd say that, how's the section? Everything is ok, I hope." Quentin asked as he had a sip of his martini.

"It's all good as usual; you know I don't let things go astray." Daniel mentioned as he smirked. "Speaking of which, I have a bit of a loose end, the O'Quinn case. I'm interested on finding his whereabouts; I'm willing to pay top cash if you tell me where he is." Daniel said as he drew a 7 numbers figure on a napkin.

"That much; well, I'll have to think about something." Quentin said as he folded the napkin and saved it on his pocket. "I could use a snitch; WPP is not the Vatican, stuff leeks easily. I'll try to fin someone useful. To tell you the truth, I'd like to find O'Quinn myself. We have a few things we need to talk about."

"Really? What would that be?" Daniel enquired; he was very curious about Quentin's business with Angelus.

"Let's just say that I need to know what he talked about with my former best agent, Miss Summers." Quentin meant that he needed to know if Buffy had led Angelus on to Quentin's dirty affairs.

"By the way; I'm sorry about Buffy, I know she was quite a loss for the team. I really admired her; girl's got guts the size of Ireland to deceive Angelus O'Quinn so thoroughly." Daniel said with admiration as he remembered that infamous day. "She reminded me of my Darla."

"Your niece, the one Lindsay was ranting about?" Quentin asked; he remembered all about the case, they hadn't thought Lindsay was capable of cold murder like that.

"She wasn't my niece; she was my daughter, we told that lie so Angelus wouldn't think she was off-limits, truth is they were stepsiblings." Daniel admitted as he remembered the first time Angelus met Darla, he fell head over heals for her, but back then Angelus was a gangster, he used her and then he dumped her; he slept around behind her back, he turned her into a junkie, and he abused her both physically and psychologically.

He had never wanted a relationship and Darla hadn't been able to control his demonic control over hers, so he basically turned her into a monster like he was. "Angelus destroyed my daughter, and then his first in command killed her. You would understand my need to find him, don't you?"

Daniel Holtz had met Angelus' mom when she was still married to Connor O'Quinn, he was just a cop back then, and he had fallen for the capo's battered wife; due to Connor's continued escapades with call-girls Katherine had divorced him, Daniel had been there to pick her up after the battles, by that time she was already getting sick, Angel's mom died of liver insufficiency, a cirrhosis gone worse over time, she had been alcoholic and a heavy smoker most of her live.

Angelus had grown up watching his dad play around with hussies and his mom wasting her life on alcohol. By the time Faith was old enough to understand life wasn't as perfect as the Brady Bunch they got divorced but neither one of their parents wanted to keep them so Faith and Angelus started been looked after by nannies, and that's how they remembered growing up.

"I would dare say Angelus has been thoroughly destroyed, Buffy got that done for you."

"Which I'd thank her for, if she were alive; but I need to find Angelus and I will not rest until he's six feet underground, rotting away slowly and painfully in hell; where he deserves to be." Daniel said as he envisioned wrapping his hands around Angelus' neck.

"I'd say that sounds like a plan. We'll see what we can do." Quentin mentioned as he thought about Buffy and her unborn child, if Holtz found out about that baby; he would use it to completely destroy Angelus for good.

"To justice," Holtz said as he raised his refreshed scotch to seal the deal on the new alliance between Section 52 and FBI.

"To balance," Quentin replied as he knocked his third martini to the glass of Holtz' scotch, confirming the arrangement.

zzz

"_**Is this the place we used to love?  
Is this the place that I've been dreaming of?**___

_**Oh simple things where have you gone? ..."**_

**zzz**

**July 27****th****, 2008**

**Discover me again…**

To their second friends-plan-date Buffy and Angel went to an Italian restaurant in Salem, on the way home, Angel couldn't bear the uncomfortable silence that had settled between them after they shared the bill so he just began talking:

"Have you always been chubby, or is this new, I mean with the amount of pasta you had; you're probably packing for a broken heart?" They had gone to one of those 'all you can eat' restaurants that specialized in Italian food.

"Why would you ask me that?" Buffy said dumfounded; she couldn't believe his rudeness, if she wasn't pregnant, she would have smacked him on the head with her purse and ran for her life, what a jackass!

"Just a question, I—it's just that you are so beautiful, maybe you find comfort in food, I know I do, and then I feel terrible for all those extra pounds, clothes just don't fit anymore, and you look like you don't like tight clothes." Buffy's eyes kept getting bigger with the things he was saying. He was totally tactless.

"Why do you want me to dress like whore, with tiny miniskirts and plunging cleavages? Do you like whores or what?" Buffy said, knowing that he did like whores.

"Don't go that far, I'm just saying that you are covered in layers of clothes, and it makes you look like you are overweight, when you probably aren't. And maybe you could stop eating junk, ear more healthy food, I don't know maybe exercise?" Angel said; he was aware of the incredibly patronizing tone of voice he had, but he continued, afraid of surrendering to his true instinct, which was to kiss her endlessly right there in the car.

"Why don't you just say that you want to see me naked and you think you'll find me repulsive because I'm fat?" Buffy said, almost sizzling with anger.

"I think that would be very offensive and untrue. I'm saying you are very beautiful and you'll be even prettier if you wanted to be." Angel mentioned softly; he had suddenly began feeling very out of place, he wouldn't find her repulsive, he would just touch her all night long and hope she was every bit as good as he remembered Buffy to be.

"Somehow you think that is a compliment, I can't imagine the self-esteem of your poor last girlfriend: _have you always been fat, dear? Why don't you diet and exercise, so you can be prettier?_" Buffy said angrily as her legs began shifting, she couldn't wait to be out of that car, if only she could jump out of it…

"Let me tell you that you are a jackass, you have absolutely no tact or sense of propriety, on a subject that is beyond delicate, and I can safely assure you there will not be a third date for you and me, god help me, I'll pretend that I never dated you in the first place, not even in friends-plan. This is not a subject to pass light comments onto, ok?"

"I did not say fat, I said chubby." Angel continued driving at the insanely slow speed of 20 miles per hour; he didn't want the house to arrive at the next corner.

"I know what you are all about, you keep comparing my to your dead wife, and let me guess, she was breathtaking, size cero, blonde supermodel, perfect breast, long tanned legs and a face that made men crawl to her feet, am I right?" Buffy said almost screaming; by that point she was thoroughly pissed.

"Well, no; she was tiny, and beautiful, and tanned but—I'm not…" Angel began but Buffy interrupted his speech.

"Don't you dare say you are not comparing, please! It's like there's always a third person in this party, and trust me; she's too fucking much to compete with. And apparently I'm not enough to compete with her or with Cordelia anyway."

"Sarah, no, it's not like that. I like _**you**_!" Angel said trying to undo his series of stupid comments.

"You liked Cordelia for Christ's sakes! I know you do. If I hadn't looked like your dead wife you wouldn't have even noticed me… _**right**_? Don't fucking lie to me."

"Maybe… maybe not, who is to say what could happen if we could turn back time?"

"If you have never met her, would you have taken an interest on me?!" Buffy asked with wrath etched in her voice, and yet deep down, hope lurked there, if she could find the guts to tell him who she really was…

"Probably not…" Angel mentioned as he saw the dreaded house, his date was over, and he had single-handedly managed to anger, aggravate and alienate the woman he intended to seduce that night.

"That's all I wanted to hear…" Buffy said crossly and then she got out of the car and slammed the door shot, when he hadn't even pulled over completely.

"That's because I wouldn't be here if I hadn't met her, I would've fucking died a long time ago. Not that you cared to notice such small detail! You crazy woman!" Angel screamed as he also got out of the car and slammed the door, but Buffy couldn't hear him, she was running away.

"And you don't look that much like her anyway!" Angel screamed with bravado, she even left him speaking alone too, such a classical Buffy behavior "Fine there will no third date, like I could care less!"

Angel noticed that she never looked back, not once. He obviously compared everything down to the last comment Sarah made. And he came to one conclusion, it couldn't be Buffy, the personalities were too different, Sarah was shy, quiet, and almost asocial. Sarah had clear issues about her weigh and her looks. And Sarah wasn't diabetic; she ate candy and pasta like it could give her comfort.

And that was probably his biggest clue, he should begin to realize that Sarah wasn't Buffy, and if he actually wanted to have a thing with her, he should have to stop comparing her to Buffy all the time.

"I'm sorry. Ok? I probably wouldn't have noticed your existence if you didn't look like her. I agree with you, but you do walk, talk and act like her, and I can't just let you go, _Little Miss_ _Sarah Miles_, I need you; you are my chance of redemption, I need to have _**you**_." Angel continued with his monologue, he was right in front of the bookstore, and he thought about going up, but he hadn't been invited, maybe Sarah wasn't ready for that just yet. Maybe Sarah hated him, he had been very rude.

'_You are fat, why don't you diet and exercise… so you can look more like my beloved Buffy'_. He hadn't said it like that, and yet, he had meant that all along, he was just tactless, and Sarah was an expert reading between the lines.

"Do you agree with me? Do I deserve a second try? I think I don't, but she's all alone just like me, we could make each other less miserable, couldn't we? I just can't seem to accept that you are gone. I can't. I don't think I'll ever will. It's so unfair to her. She's just a shadow of your memory." Angel whispered, as if he could talk to Buffy, and then he left.

He thought Sarah deserved more than a silver medal, she was amazing and someone ought to notice it, someone who would love her for herself not because of a ghost. "I'll let go… ok I'll try to let go, but I can't promise that I'll forget. I'll never forget you, _never_."

zzz

Buffy slammed the door behind and her, and then she started to slowly slide down to the floor, her heart couldn't take the effort of running so fast, and her mind was too conflicted.

"God! Why must you make this so hard on me?" Buffy screamed out-loud. Everyday that she stayed on Old Tulsa it got harder and harder to act; and she was becoming pretty obvious about her delicate condition; she shouldn't endure that much strain, it wasn't doing her health any good. In fact she noticed that she felt tired every day, when she woke up in the mornings, all she could think about was sleeping a few more hours.

"I can't tell him! I've been here for months. How could I come out and just say: hey I'm Buffy Summers! By the way I'm your dead-pregnant wife." Buffy rose with difficulty, she had nagging pains at the base of her pain, too much dancing, and too much strain for a six months pregnant woman.

"I'll go! There's nothing else I can do." Buffy pulled the suitcase from under the bed and started throwing things inside it.

She had to stop and sit down abruptly, the nagging pains began to feel like contraptions, and then a very familiar pain came, colic, nephritic colic to be correct, she knew there was something wrong with her kidneys all the time, but lately her pee had been too scarce and she felt a little feverish. "God, don't send me this crap now." It was a cyclic thing, and usually began when she was under too much strain; her body seemed to react like that, lowering the immune system.

"I can't stay. I can't tell him the truth… and I can't keep _**you**_. It's not safe, baby!" She knew the risks involved; everyday that went by the bull's eye over her head got a little bigger and shinier, one of these days Quentin was going to find her and get the job done for good. She couldn't find a good reason to let herself live; she knew too much, and now she even knew where Angelus O'Quinn was.

"I'll find a nice set of parents, decent, responsible and loving. So you never have to go what I've been through. And then I'll go." Buffy vowed as she sat on the bed, bunching the sheets together in a fist, it was killing her to make such a decision, but she had to. Nothing was certain to her but the risks involved, and knowing what she had been through herself, when her parents died, leaving her completely alone, she swore that she wouldn't let that happen to her baby. She would find her a safe, loving home.

But a nagging inner voice told her: "What about Angel?" Buffy didn't know what do about him; he was the loose thread on her logistics. "I'll find a way to deal with this… later. I'm too tired right now." Buffy whispered as she gasped; it was just too much to bear all at once.

**zzz**

_**"This is going to break me clean in two,  
This is going to bring me close to you,  
She is everything I want that I never knew I needed…  
This is going to bring me clarity,  
this'll take the heart right out of me,  
this is going to bring me to my knees,  
and I just want to hold you close to me…"**_

zzz

**Dream sequences I**

Buffy heard the distant wailing and her body tensed next to Angel's; she couldn't believe how punctual she could be, every two hours she would either be hungry or need a diaper change.

"I'll go," Angel muttered; and then he rushed out of bed and into the baby's nursery.

"What's all the fuss, Abby? Are you alright, _Honey-Bunny_?" Angel asked as he picked her up and settled her comfortably on his shoulder. "Are you poopy?" He asked as he sniffed the diaper. "It's not that. Maybe you are hungry?" Angel whispered and he placed her pacifier on her lips. She didn't grab it.

"OK, so maybe you just had a bad dream, I hate those too. Daddy is going to rock back to sleep now, you know I love you so much, don't you, Abby?" Angel whispered as he padded Abby on the back. Suddenly she burped. "Ops, I guess mommy didn't do her job well, did she?"

"She's colicky, are you sure you can handle her?" Buffy suggested as she gave Abby a kiss on the forehead. She had been hearing Angel through the baby monitor.

"You better take her; I'm not too good at this. I fear I'm just making her feel worse." Angel admitted as he handed the baby girl to her mother.

"You are just great, darling." Buffy whispered as she kissed Angel and padded Abby's back at the same time. "I'm terribly thirsty; would you get me some water, please?"

"Of course, wouldn't you prefer some tea?"

"Actually I'd love to have chamomile."

"I'll be downstairs." Angel mentioned as he caressed Abby's blonde fuzz; she had Buffy's blonde hair and Angel's chocolate eyes, in fact she was just a perfect combination of her parents.

"Is your daddy a doll, or what?" Buffy said to Abby as she held her close to her chest, and softly rubbed her back as the nurses had told her to do when the baby was colicky.

"You are the luckiest girl on earth. We are going to spoil you rotten. Now, now darling, I know you don't feel great, but I guarantee that you'll feel better if you burp." Abby made a sound belch and the wailing suddenly stopped. "See, it's all better now."

After Buffy was done burping her, she went back to bed; a new born baby with colic was always a lot of work.

Minutes went by and Buffy was getting a little anxious because Angel didn't come back. She had a bad feeling. Suddenly she heard a loud bang like a gun shot.

She ran downstairs, not bothering to take a gun, a bat, anything to defend herself against the possible thief.

She came inside the kitchen and she saw Angel lying on the floor, he was ashen, a river of dark-red blood ran under him. Buffy wanted to scream her lungs out as soon as she saw him.

She ran to his side and kneeled next to Angel.

She felt like someone was watching her back, she turned around and it was Lindsay McDonald, he held a gun aimed at her head and he muttered '_**it's time**_' Buffy wanted to throw something at him, anything, but it was too late. She was caught helpless.

Lindsay shot her on the heart; Buffy tried to say that Abby was an innocent and he should at least see that someone founded her, she was all alone up there, colicky and now she was an orphan. But Buffy died before she could say anything.

Buffy awoke bathed on cold sweat a few seconds after, long tears ran down her face and neck, her heart was about to jump out of her chest. She couldn't bare the thought of that horrible thing happening to Abby.

"I won't let that happen to you, Abby. I swear to you." Buffy swore as she felt the baby kicking, she meant that she would find a good, safe and loving home, a place where she was looked after, a place where she wasn't risking becoming an orphan every day; she would find her an adoption.

zzz

"_**Find me here,**_

_**Speak to me,**_

_**I want to feel you,**_

_**I need to hear you…**_

_**How could I stand here with you?**_

_**And not be moved by you? **_

_**You are all I want, all I need,**_

_**You are everything…"**_

_**  
**_zzz

**July 28****th****, 2008**

**Do we dare daydream?**

"Where's the boss?" Angel asked to Cordelia as he came inside the bookstore, he had been very rude the other night, so he wanted to apologize, he had bought her some flowers, he intended to raise a white flag and just try to be friends again.

"She's napping." Cordelia said; she was studying while Buffy was napping on the couch next to the window. It was 2pm in the afternoon.

"Oh, well, it's a hard life then?" Angel mentioned sarcastically.

"Don't get things wrong; we've been open since six am and we had to unpack everything that arrived from Cleveland, arrange it and then put tags on it. If I didn't have midterms tomorrow, I'd be napping too." Cordelia said as she chastised him for been so rude.

"Sorry, I'll take a look around, see what I can buy."

"Thank you!"

He walked around the store finding several books that he would like to buy, he purposely avoided the sleeping girl, but eventually curiosity got the best of him, he wanted to know if she was as similar as he remembered.

Angel was surprised to find out that similar didn't quite covered it; it was something more like identical, she had the same freckles on her chest, the same way of sleeping, and even the same perfume, an essence of jasmines and vanilla that trailed and evoked one too many memories.

He hadn't been dreaming all that time, now that he was sober and illuminated by direct sunlight, he sat next to her and stared at her closely, the hair wasn't that dark, it was more like auburn, the eyelashes were dark brown same as Buffy, the mouth pouted exactly the same, she even had the same funny/bumpy nose and perfect brows, and the same tiny mole on her neck.

Suddenly, she felt the burning staring of Angel above her, and his soft knuckles grazing her cheek and she turned to his side softly; in that motion her t-shirt got wrapped around her torso, and twisted around her midriff bearing a pronounced six months pregnant bump and large breasts to go with it.

Angel remembered asking her if she had always been chubby or if it was something new, she wasn't chubby, she was hiding her pregnancy in baggy clothes.

Angel's hand of its volition spawned the feeling of that bump above the thin cotton, it wasn't that big, but it was a bump alright, it felt tight and round, Buffy sighed as his hand seemed to found just where the baby was head was.

He longed to touch her skin to skin, to kiss her, even if it was just because she reminded him of Buffy so much, and seeing her like that, with child and so vulnerable, it made him want to comfort her, it made him long for all that he had lost.

"I wonder who's the father," Angel whispered to Cordelia, she had noticed his staring and she came over, coming to his same conclusion rather obviously.

"Angel…" Buffy stirred and whispered, she was more sleep that awake, and she occasionally spoke when she was sleeping. Then she stretched and opened her eyes. She was dreaming about Angel, in her dreams he was making love to her.

Angel was amazed and dumbfounded at the same time, he had never, not even drunken, said his real name, and her eyes, mossy green, with the specks of blue, and brown, he knew them by heart, watching them pierced by sun light made him remember their honey moon on the Aruba, waking up with the sun bathing them, without the barriers of the glasses, they spoke volumes.

"Where did you get that name?" Angel asked, with deep concern written all over his face, he couldn't believe his own ears.

"What?" Buffy answered, waking up all of the sudden, and then she sat up jerking up from his side in a panicky motion.

"You said Angel." Cordelia filled-in.

"I asked: who's the father of your baby and you said Angel? Where did you get that name?"

"I don't remember even hearing the question in the first place and _**that**_…" Buffy walked up and away from the couch, but he followed her with the same unwavering stare. "Is none of your business."

"So you _**are**_pregnant." He stood behind her and breathed the question through her hair; she had light brown roots, he noticed it now that he could see her hair in a pony tail.

She turned around to confront him and he was right there behind there, towering, demanding her answer. "And again is none of your fucking business! I got knocked-up by jerk, and then he dumped me, is that satisfying? Do I look less like your precious Buffy right now?" Buffy shouted feeling cornered; she was already preparing for confrontation. "I am not her! Get it through that thick skull of yours already!"

"You are right, I am sorry. I shouldn't have asked that." Angel said and then he just kissed her, Buffy didn't have time to stop him; he wrapped his hands around her head and smashed his lips to hers, invading her mouth with his tongue. She just felt her lips responding to him. She tried to pull away but it was too late, she was caught.

Angel kissed her thoroughly for minutes, remembering her taste, her way of nipping, her sweetly thick bottom lip and her way of sighing when she was enjoying something, and then suddenly he pulled away. "God…" He said just that one word, and then he started blinking like an owl, incapable of coherent speech.

"I'm not her." Buffy whispered, feeling her heart was about to explode out of her chest, her lips were throbbing, and her body felt like a living ember.

"And yet _**you are**_," Angel whispered as he touched his mouth, no one would kiss him just like that.

"It's not…" Buffy began but she couldn't say another word, she was too shocked to speak, but her expression and her obvious fear was more than enough confirmation.

"I can't even imagine how…how can you do this to me? Do you have no heart? For months you've been…" Angel started gripping the flowers so hard that they began to wilt. "I have to go; I can't bear looking at you… what a fine bitch you are!" Angel admitted painfully, and then he left, he slammed the door shot and he didn't bother saying goodbye; he threw the flowers on the street as he cursed his way out of the bookstore. He was terribly angry, deceived, like she could so easily be Buffy and then again she could just be a stranger.

_Where did she get that name, is she Buffy? Has she been deliberated fooling me all this time? What is she doing? Does she hate me that much that she'll taunt me, play me like a fool?_

Angel thought about all those questions, and it gave him no rest, it could be Buffy, she could very easily be lying because she hated him and wanted to torture him even further, he hadn't forgotten Holtz' words: _you killed every person in her family, how's that for a motivation? All she wanted all along was to destroy you._

He remembered Buffy been late, she could have been pregnant, and she could have been saved after the gunshots. She could have been Buffy and Sarah all along, and if she was, she hated his guts, what a fine Chinese torture, see me, yearn for me, and still know that you'll never have me. Could she want to hurt him that much?

He couldn't bear it, the knowledge of her deep and unmitigated hatred, so he went home and he drank, a whole bottle of scotch, down to the last drop, expecting the pain to go away, hoping that he had said that name, and she had picked it up. Sarah wasn't Buffy, and Angel begged to God that she was just repeating a name.

**zzz**

**Dream sequences II**

"Get me the girl, you know where she is." A male voice said.

Buffy hid even further down under the bed; she plastered her body to the wall, hiding in the dark end, barely breathing. She was petrified of those voices that called out to her endlessly; she knew they were there to take her away.

"Miss Summers! Where are you? Come here. We are not going to hurt you." A female voice said; she was getting close to the bedroom; Buffy was lying under her parent's bed, frightened of the mess she had made on her own bedroom. The female had come for her the day before, told her to pack her basic things; that she would take Buffy to a new home with a bunch of toys and pretty new things; that she should leave the old ones behind.

Buffy hadn't believed her; Buffy had destroyed every single toy she had; she knew she wasn't going to come back home after that. The neighbors had been watching her since the cops came to deliver the news and they had said: 'we can't keep her, we have six mouths to feed already. I just babysat for Joyce and Hank, that's all'.

Buffy prayed to God that her grandfather would find her again soon; she had never been away from home. She loved her things too much, it had been selfish of her to destroy them, but she had stuck inside her mind that the neighbor's kids would come and steel them.

She thought if they weren't hers they wouldn't be someone else's; specially her musical jewel box, Rupert had given it her as a birthday present, she loved it too much, so she had smashed it into a thousand tiny pieces, no one would hear her grandfather's music but her.

Buffy dreamt that she was that girl again, hiding under the bed, she had that recurrent nightmare, along with the one where she and Angel end up been killed and Abby orphaned; it haunted her almost daily.

That night the people coming after her were Holtz and Quentin, and they found her easily, she fought them tooth and nails, but she was just a kid, how could she measured-up to them?

And they always took her away, no matter how hard she screamed that she wanted to stay home, they wouldn't listen; all they wanted was to see her suffering.

Buffy always woke up when she was inside that patrol car, riding away in a fist of screaming anger and tears that wouldn't stop, begging to see her parents again.

"Angel!" She screamed as she drove away.

This time she saw Angel standing by the door, angry as ever, holding her music box in one hand and Mr. Gordo in the other. That was the only thing that Buffy had kept of that house, not even a picture, they said it was all federal evidence and couldn't be kept. Her trusty Mr. Gordo, she had lost it somewhere before the last time she went undercover.

Angel's presence, and the toys; they symbolized something, but she wasn't sure what exactly, maybe he was her home, and she should return to him, tell him the truth, maybe Angel was a part of her emotional baggage and she should learn to let go? She couldn't see clearly but now that he had disappeared after he apparently discovered who she really was, he seemed like another loss, another precious thing lost because of her immaturity, she hadn't had the guts to come clean, and now he was gone forever, just like her parents and her dreams.

Perhaps, it was better like that, perhaps he never wanted to see her again. It was almost merciful. And yet, the thought of never seeing Angel again… it made her cry-out in pain.

"Angel!" She screamed again but nobody was listening.

Perhaps that much pain was the reason why she woke up that night trembling, with a temperature of 107, almost delusional with just how low her blood-sugar had gone and a stabbing pain that drove her straight into a cab and to the nearest hospital, sometimes Buffy could just forget how fragile she was…

**zzz**

"_**My head's full of thought  
Thoughts of you  
And I'm distracted so easy  
Thinking what to do  
So unsure, so unfamiliar  
Am I wrong to think that something could happen**_

Will you fall for me  
I need to know, the way I'd like you to  
Baby, will you fall for me  
The way I've fallen for you

I'm not acting like myself  
And I'm playing the role of someone else  
And my hearts beating so fast  
I can't stop it  
And I'm so unsure  
So unfamiliar  
Am I wrong to think that something could happen…

_**Will you fall for me,  
The way I've fallen for you…"  
**_

**zzz**

This is the end of part 2… the last part is soon to come, don't you dare forgetting the reviews now!

The Mean Kitten.

Zzz

Songs used for this part:

"**Incomplete" by the Backstreet Boys**

"**Gravity" by Sara Bareilles**

"**All at once" by The Frey**

"**Somewhere only we know" by Keane (I like it better by Lifehouse)**

"**She is" by the Frey**

"**Everything" by Lifehouse**

"**Will you fall for me" by Delta Goodrem**

How many did you guess?


	3. Chapter 3

zzz

**Title**: Hooker2 the chrysalis

**Author**: the mean kitten

**Disclaimer**: we own nothing, it's all Joss Whedon, UPN and mutant enemy; we just give the fans a dose of fan-fiction.

**Notes**: this is part three of four parts… (I know I said 3 parts, but somewhere along the line, this became too long so, there'll be a 4th part for reasons of length.)

ZZZ

"_**It's not like you didn't know that,  
I said I love you and I swear I still do,  
It must have been so bad,  
Cause living with me must have damn near killed you …**_

This time I'm mistaken,  
For handing you a heart worth breaking',  
I've been wrong, I've been down,  
To the bottom of every bottle…"

ZZZ

**August 18****th****, 2008**

**Cleveland, Ohio**

**Through looking glasses, darkly…**

Angel came barging into Tani's place. He was infuriated beyond reason. He thought the psychic should have told him that Sarah-woman was actually her long lost Buffy. _But was she really?_

"I can't believe you didn't warn me that this would happen. Is she really _my Buffy_, because I refuse to believe that the woman I love would do that to me!" Angel screamed as he smashed his fists against the wall. He had been drinking and walking aimlessly around the city for hours.

"First, you've got to calm down. You're judging something by the cover; you can't understand the reasons behind her actions."

"Well, you are a goddamned psychic, tell me!" Angel continued screaming as he grabbed Tani by the shoulders, and shook her.

"She's too scared of you, of the world, of everybody. Hell, I'm scared of you! You've got these awful vibes that I don't like one tiny bit." Tani mentioned as she dislodged her arms from Angelus violent grip.

"I'm not a nice man, she knows that well." Angel mentioned softly as he sat down on the floor, took out his whisky flask and drank a big gulp. "Why would she lie like that? Do you think she hates me that much? What have I done to her to make her behave like that?"

"Are you kidding me? They way you have tortured and killed before makes me cringe, but at least you love her. I think you should talk to her, only she can truly explain to you what has happened."

"I don't want to talk. I just want to…"

"What to kill her? Hurt her? Lock her in your trailer for the rest of her life? It doesn't take a medium to know that you are a perverted bastard. I can see your thoughts crystal-clear. I wouldn't like to be in her shoes right now, I'll tell you that much." Tani mentioned as he sat next to Angel on the floor. "But it's not just you. She's this … _traumatized soul_, there's so much pain in her past… I have to tell you that you don't know a fraction of the things she's been through."

"So you are basically saying that I should cut her some slack."

"Not just that; you need to see things from her side, and you also need to lower her from that pedestal that you've placed her in, she's just human, bone, flesh and lots of mistakes."

"I don't…" he had idealized Buffy since her death; she had become a perfect character, a martyr; too far from the reality surrounding her. "You are right; I should just talk to her. I should shallow my pride, bite my tongue and let her do the talking. She wanted to talk, but I ran for the hills. I just couldn't understand how she could do that to me."

"Why are you still here then? Go! You have miles to go before sundown, and little Miss Buffy won't last that long."

"What does that mean? Is she in danger? If something is wrong with her, I need to know!"

"I don't know, I just say what I hear."

"I swear to God! Sometimes you are just fucking cryptic!"

"And you are just fucking dense! Go away now; you are wasting life-or-death time here."

Angel turned around before he was almost running out the door. "I forgot to say thank you. You always know how to get me back on track."

"Your welcome; you are a conceited asshole, but you are too damned good-looking to hold it against you." Tani said smugly as she sent him away for good.

"Thank you for the compliment. I'll call you, let you know what happened."

"You better! I'm hooked with this soap-opera of yours." Psychic or not, Tani was deeply concerned about the difficult times she could see ahead of Buffy and Angel.

ZZZ

**August 15****th****, 2008**

**Salem, Ohio**

**Salem Memorial Clinic,**

**Through looking glasses, dangerously…**

"She's still unconscious, we did everything we could. She needs dialysis." The registered nurse said to resident in charge, as they both discussed Buffy's prognosis. "She's about 30 weeks pregnant; it's extremely risky, nothing to say of painful since we can't do it with anesthesia."

"Well, mommy won't survive a kidney transplant, and baby its barely viable. Our first—and I dare say only choice—is dialysis, and antibiotics. We'll see how she does with the treatment." The doctor answered as he studied Buffy's charts.

"I guess, doc. I'll go page an urologist then."

"Sure, we'll need a specialist to assist us; she's a very complicated patient." The doctor said as he pondered the things written on Buffy's charts. "I have a doubt though; her chart doesn't mention why she's got so many scars, we are going to have to wait until she wakes up to find out who she really is."

"Why do you say that?"

"Those are gun shot scars," The doctor mentioned as he uncovered Buffy's belly. "And surgery scars to remove the bullets I presume, and if you've noticed her old medical charts, it says blue eyes; when they are actually hazel-green, and let's just say she's gone shorter too, she's what? 5'4'' and the chart says 5'10'' I'd say something smells fishy here."

"You think her social security number is fake?"

"No, I think she's on some kind of witness protection program."

"Oh! My god, yes that could be true; we'll wait until she wakes up."

"Keep a close eye on her; I'll get the room ready for dialysis."

ZZZ

"I'm sorry, but this will hurt." The doctor warned Buffy as he applied iodized solution to her neck, due to Buffy's peculiar condition the doctor had chosen the femoral jugular vein, IE the neck vein to start with the process of dialysis.

"It's ok, I've had dialysis before, but I remember them using a fistula the last time, on my arm I mean. Is this neck catheter thing safe?"

"It's quicker, and less prone to dermatological infections, and it's less painful." The doctor continued speaking as he inserted the catheter on the vein. This was usually called a central line. "Have you had this many times then? I mean, is this kidney disease of yours recurrent, or has it gone chronic by now?"

"It's chronic, but it's gone worse with this stupid infection."

"I dare say that, you came in here at the brink of epileptic seizures, very low sugar and very high fever, not a good combination kidney-wise, or baby-wise for that matter." The doctor continued speaking as he removed the guide and started plugging the catheter to the dialysis machine. "I'm waiting on the labs but I'm fairly certain that you have diabetic ketoacidosis, DKA, if you hadn't come here when you did, you'd be in a diabetic coma right now."

"I've been feeling sick for several days, but you know us diabetics can get critical over a night."

"More to the point, you should've come here as soon as you felt the first symptom, now you are officially on UNOS list." That meant that Buffy had been put on waiting list for a kidney. "Breath deeply, this will make you feel sick." The doctor said as he turned on the machine.

"Good, that's awful. My head it's spinning." Buffy whispered as she felt the machine working. The process was called hemodialysis, and it involved removing all the blood in the body to cleanse it from toxic substances such as urea, and excesses of potassium, calcium, iron, etc to simultaneously return the blood to the body cleaned as the kidney should usually do by sweat and urine.

It was usually performed with catheters that suctioned and reentered blood at large arteries and veins of the body, such as cava, femoral and jugular when used more than once for a period of time like the doctor had prescribed Buffy to.

The process usually took about four hours, since it has to be done slowly or the patient could collapse from the sudden disrupt of balance of the components in the blood, medically called homeostasis, causing a great deal of fatal side effects, such as heart failure, a diabetic coma, epileptic seizures and in Buffy's case preterm labor, or even a placenta rupture.

In a nutshell, it was dangerous to do the process, but the alternative was worse, Buffy needed to drain fluid or the infection would spread to every organ on her body, affecting more than just kidneys, maybe even affecting the baby if it went trough the placenta and into the baby's bloodstream. The doctor had identified it as extremely resistant type of staph, which treated with heavy antibiotics, was something easy to solve, but Buffy would take longer to recover because she didn't have functional kidneys.

"I paged an OB/GYN to come and take a look at you. This will only take a few hours, just keep your focus on the TV, if you start going crazy, page me with the nurses, I'll be at the end of the hall."

"Ok, I'll be watching Jerry Springer." Buffy said as she flipped through the channels looking for a movie, or anything else to engage for several hours.

ZZZ

**August 17****th****, 2008**

**Salem, Ohio**

**Buffy is still on Salem Memorial Clinic…**

"What made you wake up from the coma? How was it?" One of the nurses asked Buffy as she found out about all the things—medically speaking—that Buffy had been through.

"There's like a limbo, a place where things don't make much sense, but even in that place I knew I had to come back, I knew there was a big reason why I should wake up, believe it or not, I heard my best friend's voice in that place, she was visiting me the day I woke up. It overlapped with my mother's voice, telling me that I had to go back, that I wasn't meant to be there. And I just followed it."

"Whoa," The nurse and the urologist said in unison. "Can you tell us how it felt to die? This is one of the biggest questions of our time. Because, you were clinically dead for about 10 minutes before you arrived at the hospital."

"I felt… like I was floating on the surface of oily water, my body was there, I felt it, the pain of my wounds, and the throb of blood, this sensations hadn't gone away completely. But I couldn't focus my eyes, or my hearing on anything; it was like I was dreaming. But I remembered people; I knew names, faces, places. I don't know if that fits any criteria, but that's how I felt."

"I swore patient-doctor confidentiality, and based on that I can only say that I'm amazed with you. I know who you are. I really thought you were dead. You are such a heroine."

"You must swear not to mention, divulge, write or even say my name out loud, for your own safety. This isn't something to be joking about, not even with your wife."

"I promise you that, Miss Miles. Could you tell us some more about the other life, that famous next world still puzzles me. Did you see a tunnel? Was there a real light at the end of it?"

"I don't remember the exact moment I lost my grip on reality but I do remember blinding lights, and a hum, like a bee was inside my head; and of course cold, like I was beginning to freeze over, like I was drowning in frozen water. That's how I felt when I … _**died**_."

"Of course, that makes perfect medical sense. You'll need two more sessions of dialysis, today and tomorrow, and then you can go home. We've kept you here long enough."

"Thank God! You should know I have doctor-phobia."

"I would have it too if I were you!" The doctor joked as he signed Buffy's release form and medical orders for the next few days.

"Do I have to keep doing the machine?" Buffy asked with concern written all over her eyes.

"Once every three days until the baby is born." That was horrible news for Buffy, been dialyzed twice a week was not a pretty prognosis. "We'll star preparing for the transplant after that."

**ZZZ**  
_**"**__**I will never know myself until I do this on my own,  
'cause I will never feel anything else until my wounds are healed,  
I will never be anything 'til I break away from me,  
I will break away. **_

_**I'll find myself today… "**_

**ZZZ**

**August 19****th****, 2008**

**Old Tulsa, Ohio**

**Through looking glasses, I've found me…**

**9:30 pm**

Angel came back home feeling like he was being pulled to Buffy's side by unforeseen forces, Tani had confirmed must of his thoughts, but to know that she was alive and would deliberately deceive him was too much. He had to talk to Buffy.

He parked the car in front of the bookstore, it was closed, Cordy wasn't there; but he tried the back door and it was open.

He went upstairs, thinking that Buffy ought to be watching TV or something, but he couldn't find her, so he went inside her private room.

Above her desk were a series of medical exams, Angel saw them and curiosity got the best of him, they were all too familiar to be somebody else's.

He started looking through them and he found out her old prescriptions and her glucose meter, he started reading them and by the last page he was almost positive that only one person could have all those records, even if the name had been crossed with a permanent marker. She had to be Buffy.

He was now prepared to find her in some sort of dire situation, he went into the bathroom; he thought she'd be there because the light was on. He found her inside the tub; she had fallen asleep on it.

Angel couldn't help to look through the soap-clouded water and see the scars, the chest, and the belly, it all sort of clicked together, only she could have the gunshot scars, the records and the memories. Only Buffy could know his name, only Buffy would call him Angel, and most importantly, only Buffy would be having his baby.

"Buffy…" He leaned closer and wrapped a towel around her. "Wake up, baby; you fell asleep on the tub. Are you ok? You look so sick." He touched her wet skin and it was like sparks ignited. There she was all along, what he lived and breathed in for months was right there under his nose, and he had been so blind all that time.

"I'm so tired, it's like I just couldn't get out of it." She whispered back, the fact that she acknowledge the name was a given. She had a burning fever again, she had spent four days in the hospital, but as soon as she got home she stopped the treatment, and now her body was reacting to the kidney infection again.

"Come on, I'll get you back to bed." Angel said as he pulled her out of her tub and carried her back to bed.

"You are not here… I'm dead, and you are not here… and I'm sick. And my head is about to explode." Buffy said nonsensically, she was too sick to make sense of her words.

"We'll … you are right about the last one, you are burning up. Shouldn't you be at the hospital?"

"They sent me home, gave me some pills, but I said I wouldn't take them, because they would hurt our baby. I refuse to hurt her. She just so innocent, I can't hurt her anymore."

"You have to take them. Where are they?" Angel mentioned as he sought the pills on the table. "Here, have some juice, and take the pills."

"No, Angel… they'd hurt the baby. You'd kill me if I'd hurt our baby. You hate me. I'm a lying bitch. You said that, remember?"

"If you die, there would be no baby!" Angel said harshly as he handed Buffy two pills. And then he continued a little softer, noticing that he was scolding her. "And I don't hate you. I fucking worshiped you; you are the one who hates me. You _have to_ hate me very deeply to play with my feelings like that."

"I do! Ok maybe I love _and_ hate you … I'll take the stupid pills, bread; it has to go down with bread." Buffy accepted as Angel went to fridge and got her a slice of bread.

"Our baby, you said her, it's a she?" Angel asked to fill the uncomfortable silence; she was looking at him with those huge hazel orbs that still mesmerized him like she wanted to cry, and he couldn't bear that.

"Abby, Abigail Amanda, I like that name, I thought you'd liked that name too." Buffy replied softly. She loved that name; it was something very close to her own, and it was also beautiful and meaningful, it meant "_Father in rejoice_".

"You would name her like my grandmother?" Angel's grandmother was Abigail Amanda O'Quinn; he had the dearest childhood memories about her.

"She sounded like someone kind, you admired her and I though I deserved you some credit." Buffy admitted, knowing that he would have been happy, and he would have loved the baby.

"Where have you been all this time, Buffy?"

"Dead, in a coma for three moths and hiding; I had to hide, they all wanted to kill me, they still do… Quentin, Lindsay, Spike, Holtz, and Drusilla too I think. I've been a very bad girl."

"You'll tell me all about it in the morning. Right now you should get some sleep. You are shaking."

"You won't be here in the morning."

"Yes, I will." Angel said as he touched her cheek. She felt terribly hot and clammy.

"Would you hug me … even if you want to kill me too?" Buffy replied as she welcomed his caress and laced her fingers with him above her cheek. "Just for the night, I don't want to be alone now." She tried to sleep, but every time she did, the nightmares came back harder than before.

"I don't know who or what got that stupid idea inside you head, but I would never even hit you, much less kill you. Just go to sleep, you are delirious, and you may regret saying this much in the morning."

"I love you. I'm sorry I didn't say it, I should've told you right away, but you know we can't be together, this can happen anymore, I have to go away, but I can't…" Buffy began crying and she couldn't stop the tears from falling endlessly. "I can't bear this…"

"Sush, baby; it's ok, I know it can't be… but it is."

"I hurt you so badly; I shouldn't have taken that deal. I sold my soul to the devil because of it. I shouldn't have gone undercover, why didn't I listen to Willow, she told me! She warned me that this revenge would get me killed."

"You are alive, and very sick, please try to get some sleep, we'll talk about this tomorrow." Angel said as he unlaced his fingers from Buffy's desperate grip, he began to pull away from her just to get her under the covers.

"Don't you dare leave me talking alone now!" Buffy shrieked as she pulled the covers aside in a fist. "What about me? I need you so much, and I love you so much... And I tried to make you go away... I even died and it didn't help. I still think of you all the time. It's like you cursed me!"

She shoved him off of the bed, and tried to get up. Angel stopped her, she was bluntly naked under the towel and she was very weak with the fever, she stumbled and fell backwards.

Buffy started bawling then, feeling lost "And I hate it! I hate that it's _**so**_ hard... and that you can hurt me _**so**_ much. What your father did to my family and what you made me do to myself, you've broken me and I can get it fixed any more. Oh, God! I wish you had died in that shooting, I wished I had died too. This place, you and me here, it's killing me! You are killing me!"

"Buffy, please. Just this once... let me be strong for the both if us. We'll talk about it in the morning. I love you; we are going to have a baby. We will make it work."

"Would you? You are so naïve. You can't fix this! Could you ever love me again? Knowing what I've done, knowing that all I wanted was revenge."

"I've never stopped loving you… come here; you are going to hurt yourself." She went to him and tried to hit him, but she collapsed on his arms again. "If it kills you to know I'm right there, imagine how I felt thinking you were dead, imagining that I would never see you again. I was dead; I'm nothing without you, Buffy."

"I don't want to talk to you; I can't make sense right now." Buffy said and then she started feeling dizzy. "I can hardly keep my eyes open..." she started feeling boneless under Angel's arms, like she was about to pass out.

"You are not the only one with that problem. Buffy? Can you hear me?" Angel asked her filled with dread. She felt clammy to him, like that time she got really sick and he had to rush her to a hospital.

"It's all whirling and I'm… going to be sick." Buffy muttered before she felt violently sick and threw up on Angel's shoes.

**ZZZ**

"_**As he goes left and you stay right  
between the lines of fear and blame  
you begin to wonder why you came…"**_

**ZZZ**

"Shouldn't you be at a hospital?" Angel asked cautiously as he sat next to Buffy on the bed. He touched her forehead to check her temperature; she was still very hot but not so clammy anymore.

"I was; they sent me home yesterday." Buffy answered a little more calmly, and a lot more composed. She had bathed again and put on some footy pyjamas.

"Maybe they made a mistake? You don't look healthy to me."

"Well, my social security isn't exactly great, and I said I'd take the pills… God, these pills make me…" she couldn't finish it; she rushed to the bathroom and barely made it to the toilet.

Angel followed her with deep concern. "Isn't there something else you could take? The pills don't work. In fact, I can see the remains of it on the floor." Angel saw that her hair was getting on her eyes so he pulled it back, noticing a scar on her neck that he hadn't seen before, were the central line had been plugged. "Have you been like this all the time?"

"That would be the fourth pill I throw up, they gave me the same for an injection… but it's too painful to my thighs."

"I don't understand what you are saying?"

"Shots, they gave me shots, say I should find someone to give them to me here, because Salem is too far to drive back and forth every day, I said I'd do them on my thigh but it's too painful, even I have some scruples." And she would not lay her arse bare for anybody; she didn't trust anybody like that in Old Tulsa.

"Get your ass on the bed."

"You'll not… whatever makes you think that I will…" Buffy said as she watched in panic how Angel filled the syringe with 10 cc of painful oily medication, Amikacin, to be correct. "It could make the baby deft, malformed and hurt her kidneys!"

"Quit been a baby, you are dying over there, you must be at lest 104 with fever, and you are hurting the baby with the infection as it is. Get over this, I promise that I'll be quick."

Angel found and ear thermometer and placed it on hers, just to be on the safe side. "Buffy for Christ's sake! You have 106 fevers. You must be delirious, this can be healthy, let me give you the shot."

"But you've never done shots intramuscular."

"Yes, I have. I gave you insulin several times."

"It's not the same, this is oily, and it won't sink in so easily…" Buffy continued backing away from Angel but eventually he caught her by the ankle and settled her in the middle of the bed. "I'm going to scream, I'll may even cry. I'm in no place to be tough right now. I hurt everywhere you touch me."

"Who are you, and where did you left the hard-ass cop who destroyed the O'Quinn Cartel?" Angel said as he began turning her body to the side, he was dumbfounded to feel just how hot she was, her skin burned to the touch and her eyes had a red ream around them, her mouth look a little cracked too.

Buffy reluctantly agreed that she was that woman and she turned to her side and bared her cheek, since she could hardly lie flat on her stomach.

Angel took some alcohol from the bed stand and applied it. He noticed the size of the needle and the yellowish colour of the antibiotic and he agreed that it would hurt.

He didn't give her a warning, he pinched the flesh and drove the needle in a 45º angle and started to slowly inject the liquid.

He pulled it out and blood dripped out of it, and the area rouse like a huge mosquito bite. To her credit she didn't scream with it, although she was strummed tight, rather pale and blue with holding the breath.

"Fuck! There is goes." Buffy jumped out of the bed like a cork as soon as the stinging began, it went up and down like the pain of a bee sting. Buffy walked across the bedroom, trying to release the stinging sensation.

"Do me the same. You'll feel better if you poke me too."

"Have you lost your mind? In fact, I'm going to vomit some more over here, I'll see you tomorrow." Buffy just wanted him gone so she could collapse in solitude.

"I'm not going anywhere." Angel said as he held Buffy's hair again, as she did actually loose some more bile.

ZZZ

Buffy sighed deeply later as Angel caressed her belly; he was spooning her on the bed, making sure she fell asleep. She was spent after so much barfing and such high fever. But some vestige of conscience remained and she refused to let her guard down and just sleep, even if she had no energy to complain or to pull him away.

"I missed you." Angel whispered back and continued to caress her mindlessly, just feeling her lay there taut and motionless, he would stay there until tiredness got the best her.

She didn't respond to it, but she had heard him.

When Angel noticed that Buffy was thoroughly asleep he went to her computer googled _Amikacin_ it said that _'intramuscular injection may cause moderate to severe pain'_. Angel couldn't live with not knowing what he had done to Buffy so he injected his thigh with it…

He swore to God that he would never complain about his life again, the thing numbed his leg for hours, and the sting was worse than anything, and it didn't go away, it travelled, pumping up and down with blood.

"Poor you, Jesus Christ, this thing hurts like hell. But God you are alive." Angel whispered as she felt Buffy's forehead about four hours after the shot, it was still a little warm, but thankfully not burning anymore.

"Ouch," Angel complained as he laid spooning Buffy again, with her ass pressed to his thighs, she didn't even flinch. She was gone for the night. He realized that they where probably having the same pain now and it sort of comforted him.

Red eyed, tired and angry but emotionally elated, Angel stayed the night over, unsure of what to do. He didn't sleep, he just watched, he felt the raised tissue of the scars, remembering the shots, he felt the baby moving inside and he remembered the last few times he had made love to her, he couldn't sleep, caught up with so much restrained emotions, he just stayed there, spooning her, afraid of her lucidness coming back to her, she had good reasons to avoid contact with him, if someone found out they were both there, they would kill them.

He was sure that when she woke up the morning after and noticed her secrets exposed, she would run away and he would never see her or Abby ever again.

_Abby_, that baby had to be protected, hidden; someone could use her to manipulate them. They weren't on WPP just because they had seen too much; they were there because practically everybody out there would love to kill them.

That was if Buffy didn't die first, he remembered the doctors warning her of a need for a kidney transplant if she had more infections, and now only she knew how damaged she was after the shots, maybe she was so sick she hadn't had the energy to escape when she first noticed his presence in Old Tulsa, maybe she didn't want to leave.

It was all a big whirlwind of thoughts on Angel's head until he could speak to her.

ZZZ

"_**We all had our reasons to be there  
We all had a thing or two to learn  
We all needed something to cling to  
So we did…  
**_  
_**We all had delusions in our head  
We all had our minds made up for us  
We had to believe in something  
So we did…"**_

ZZZ

**The day after tomorrow…**

"Good morning," Buffy whispered as she entered the kitchen. She had slept the amazing amount of eight full hours, without nightmares, fever or colic.

"Well, look who's finally up. I thought you were going to sleep through the day." Angel mentioned as he flipped pancakes. "I made you blueberry pancakes." Blueberry pancakes were Buffy's favorite kind.

"We should talk." Buffy said as she rubbed her eyes tiredly, she was still a little groggy.

"Right now, you'll sit down and eat breakfast. And then we are going to go to the doctor. Talk can wait until we've established what's wrong with you." Angel said as he placed two dishes laden with pancakes on the table, he then added strawberry marmalade, maple syrup and peanut butter to the mix.

"I guess you went shopping." Buffy mentioned as she grabbed a tiny bite of a blueberry laden piece of pancake.

"It's not poisoned, you know?" Angel mentioned and he placed a large piece on a fork and offered it to her. "And I _**did**_ shop; you had very little things to work with. Do you actually eat?"

"I do. This is delicious, I just don't know if I can hold it down." In truth, she was starving, but she had been having terrible nausea the last few weeks.

Buffy reluctantly opened her mouth and accepted the offer.

"Try, I'm sure it's not healthy to go on barfing every day." Angel offered another piece and she took it greedily. "Besides, you need to eat… for the baby." He mentioned as he stared at the bump, it was so tiny.

"How far along are you?" Angel asked filled with curiosity as to when they had made it happen.

"About 30 weeks, seven months, give or take a week." Buffy admitted with a mouthful of peanut butter.

"What! I can't believe you are so advanced, that's… when?" Angel was dumbfounded. He hadn't imagined she's be so far along, he belly was deceiving.

"I'm due in mid October; I think it happened right away, you know I got the IUD removed in January, they said between late January and first week of February. So that was probably during our honeymoon."

"That's right around the corner! We should get ready." Angel began and his mind turned into a whirlwind thinking about the upcoming event. "I mean we need baby stuff, a cradle, a car seat, a stroller I don't know what else… what do we need?"

Buffy woke up from the table and her heart started pumping madly with anxiety for the things she was about to say, she had to tell him. "I'm not keeping her."

Silence became deafening, Angel stared at her with huge eyes, incapable of speech; his face had turned into a mask of pain, anger and confusion. Buffy turned around and placed the half eaten pancakes on the sink carefully; she could almost feel the rage began to take over him. She was fully prepared for an outburst of fury.

"Who gave you the right to decide that?" Angel asked calmly but just as angry as he appeared to be.

"I have the right because I am the one who's pregnant." Buffy answered calmly but firmly.

"And you got pregnant all by yourself, didn't you? I had nothing to do with it." Angel said sardonically as he stood up and went around the table to stare at the window; he could not contain the rage building inside.

"She's not yours."

"You know damn well she is." He turned around with eyes like a devil and launched to grab Buffy's arm. "Don't make up a lie as monstrous as that just because you don't want this baby!"

"I do want her! She's my baby too. But we can't keep her. I can't do it alone and neither can you. Let go of me, you are hurting me. We have a tag in our toes!" Buffy screamed back as she unlaced his fingers from her arm.

"I have spent all of my life knowing I have enemies. It didn't stop me from loving you, and it sure as hell will not stop me from keeping this baby!" He grabbed both her shoulders and shook her for good measure. "She's mine! I have a right to keep her."

"What would you do with a baby? You can barely keep yourself in one piece. Don't think I don't know you are using again, you are also drinking, smoking and heaven helps me, I also think you have lost your mind. We have no money, and I'm not sure I'll make it trough the pregnancy to begin with!"

"What that does mean?" Angel asked as he loosened his grip on Buffy's arms realizing he was leaving hand prints on them. "Are you ill?"

"Ill doesn't quite cover it. I need a kidney transplant or I'll die." Buffy bared her neck so he could see the holes.

"Do you see this scar? It's from dialysis; they said I had to do it once every three days because I'm basically poisoned with toxins; my kidneys don't filter the blood anymore." Buffy swallowed hard, the small bit of pancake tried to come up as she remembered been dialyzed that often. "When I was shot, I lost so much blood that my kidneys, my lungs, my liver and my brain shut down," Buffy paused to sit down because her legs were starting to feel like jelly, she was still so weak that the room had started whirling around her.

"So I went into a coma, I was like that for near three months. They still can't explain how is it that I'm alive when there was so much internal damage. And they are even more perplexed that one fine day; I just suddenly decided to wake up, and leave the hospital."

"With no particular reason, you just decided to come back?" Angel asked staring at her face.

"It was like I was being summoned back to earth." Buffy admitted as she rubbed her temples, she started getting that bleeding headache again. She needed her insulin.

"Did you know about the baby when you went into that warehouse?" Angel asked as he sat down next to her and caressed her cheek. "Were you that crazy?"

"I suspected, but I wasn't sure." Buffy continued, paying no attention to his soft and insistent caress on her cheek and her neck. "The doctors strongly recommended me to terminate the pregnancy when I woke up from the coma, but I didn't, I couldn't. I've been taking a bunch of drugs that keep me working temporarily until they baby is born, after that, they need to remove the sick kidneys and find me healthy ones."

"That's all great but could you just answer me one question?" Angel asked as he feathered her temple with his thumb. He felt the blood ebbing at the small hollow spot where her veins tended to stuck out when she was angry, which she was at the moment.

"_Sure_," Buffy answered ironically. What harm could there be in a simple question?

"Would you let me be with you, at least until the baby is born? We can decide what we'll do later; right now I just want to be with you, look after you, I need to make sure that you are alright."

"I suppose it's your right. I'm still carrying _your _baby."

"Exactly, and that last time I checked, you were still my wife."

"It was a fake marriage. The priest was an actor, FBI hired him. They knew you were up to something." Angel had been caressing her face, and his hand just stopped when she said that.

"It doesn't matter, I swore a vow. And it's real to me. Is it real to you? Look me in the eyes and tell me, if it was real for you." Angel said as she raised her chin so he could see into her hazel eyes.

"I don't know if …"

"You don't know if it was real for you or not? For Christ's sakes Buffy for once in your life be honest with me!" Angel demanded as he wrapped his hand around her nape.

"It was fucking real!" Buffy shouted as she moved away from the table and shoved his hand away from her face, she couldn't bear his condemning eyes.

Buffy moved to the window and stared outside as she tried to swallow the tears that threatened to fall any second. "But I don't know if I can pick this marriage right where we left it. What do you want? A wife, a child, your white picket fence, a most precious moment of perfect happiness like the ones we had the day we got married? I assure I can't be like that again, I'm unhappy, unsatisfied, angry, depressed, desperate and quite frankly I could care less if you are mad at me or not. I just want this fucking pain to be over!" Buffy screamed as she massaged the small of her back, that annoying pain seemed to come back in the worst times.

Angel moved to the window and placed his arms hesitantly on her shoulders, she didn't move; she was rooted in that spot, in fact she sighed heavily as she felt his breath on her nape. "What pain?" He whispered astonished with her revelation but still wary of the underlined issue, she was going through something terrible.

"When I said I hurt all over, I meant it. Breathing, talking, walking everything is uncomfortable, have you been dialyzed? Have you had multiple gunshots healing with no pain killers, do you have a baby kicking your organs all the time. Do you have a urinary infection with up the roof potassium levels and developed chronic diabetic ketoacidosis?" Buffy admitted as she remembered the doctor warning her before she left the hospital. _'If you don't control this disease, it will kill you both'_.

"My head and almost every bone in my body hurts all the time, and then I can keep anything down. Honestly, I don't know if I can be your perky, sex driven little slayer anymore. I'm all out of faith these days, Angel. To be honest with you, I don't know why I came back from that coma in the first place."

"Is that thing you have that serious?" He could not address how she felt about coming back. He thought she intended to do a kamikaze when she entered that warehouse and he couldn't bear it. But he at least could do something about that disease.

"It's life threatening."

"We need to see a doctor, a good one. Come with me to New York."

"Angel, I know what's wrong. After the baby is born, I need a kidney transplant. That's all." Aware of her blatant admissions of misery she changed her argument. She was a strong woman; she would not whine and complain about her fate, she was not seeking his compassion, not his, never his.

"Listen to yourself! Its two months away, something must be done to help you _**now**_. I can't just stay here and watch you suffer because you are too stubborn to get a second, third, tenth opinion, I don't care. We'll talk to an expert. Go get dressed." Angel was always the action guy; he would never sit and dwell in misery; he would find a solution to the problem or die trying.

"You are just throwing your scarce money into an endless pot. And I can't leave the store alone."

"Here's a thought, close it, It's not like it's Barnes and Nobles!" Angel said ironically as he stared at Buffy, she remained stubbornly rooted in the same place. "Do you want me to carry you to the car in your pajamas? Because I will, you know I'll do anything to help you, even if you don't want my help."

"It's a choice, Angel. Deliver the baby now when she's barely viable, or wait. I've chosen. It's the baby. I can bear, and _**I will bear**_ until she's come to term."

"You are so sick. How can you be sure she's ok in there? Maybe she'll be better outside?" Angel suggested thinking that science was fairly advanced with premature babies.

"She's 60 of her estimated weigh, undeveloped in every organ. How could you suggest me she'll be better outside, she'll die!" Buffy shouted with indignation. How dare he suggest Buffy was putting the baby's life in risk?

Angel stared silently at her thinking about a million things. "What can I do then?" Angel asked with despair deeply etched in his voice. "I just want to help you."

"Let's just stop arguing. There's no point on stirring the past now. And we can't exactly guess the future. Let's just manage the present. I'd love to sleep some more, don't ask me any more questions, just let me be. I can't handle your recriminations right now."

"Sure… let me get you back to bed then." Angel mentioned as he placed one hand under her knees and lifted her on his arms.

"It's a whole flight of stairs." The kitchen was on the base level.

"You are like a feather."

"Nonsense, I'm 25 pounds heavier, it's like you said; I'm fat."

"You are not fat. You are pregnant." Angel mentioned as he dropped her on the bed. "You just stay there, try no to jostle the food up, maybe it will stay down. I'll mind the store."

"I don't vomit on purpose, you know?"

"But you do stir stuff when don't stay still. I'm going to make sure you rest. Would you cooperate?"

"I'll try." Buffy replied cheekily.

Angel laughed to her sassiness and that made Buffy draw a small smile. He was content just with that. "If you need anything just yell; I'll be downstairs, minding your stupid store."

ZZZ

"_**You're the closest to heaven that I'll ever be  
And I don't want to go home right now…**_

And I don't want the world to see me  
Cause I don't think that they'd understand  
When everything's made to be broken  
I just want you to know who I am …"

ZZZ

While Buffy rested, Angel started a meticulous investigation on diabetes and pregnancy; he started pulling book after book, reading on the internet for hours, until he had spent most of the day engulfed in finding out a solution for Buffy's medical and emotional crisis.

"I'm a little hungry." Buffy whispered as she placed her hand on Angel' shoulder, he was neck deep on the floor with books; he had them displayed on every inch of the carpet.

"Darling! I was just about to make you something." Angel mentioned as he checked his wrist watch. "I guess this something would be dinner. Would you like pasta? By the way, did you keep the pancakes down?"

"I did. Amazingly so, I did; I'd love to have a Cesar Salad, I woke up with a bit of a craving. I dreamt we were in Italy, Venice to be correct, you keep saying, Madonna mia, cuanto ti amo. I though it was very funny. You spoke terrible Italian."

"Sounds like you finally rested. And you don't have a fever anymore, thank God." Angel mentioned as she touched her all over.

"I hadn't had a full night sleep in like a month; I kept having these horrible nightmares."

"Don't think about them, since you are all dressed up, would you like to go out? I know this great salad place in Salem."

"Sure, we could go out, get some fresh air. By the way, you look like you took the diagnosis seriously." Buffy noticed as she saw the books he was reading. "And the pregnancy thing too…"

"I'm enjoying pregnancy for dummies, they make jokes about everything, and the testimonials are pretty realistic." Angel stood up and realized his clothes were terribly wrinkled but at least he was the happiest man on earth just to be there, looking at her. "We should do Lamaze, every couple does it; it should help you with the birth."

"That would be like publicly accepting I'm pregnant."

"Which you are!"

"Not openly, and not with you as the father, anyway,"

"We'll tell them I fell in love with you, and I didn't care about the baby. That I was willing to make you a respectable woman."

"That's the most chauvinist thing you've ever said to me. I don't need a man to have a baby."

"You don't? Well I didn't realize you could produce sperm out of thin air."

"Fine, I need a masculine sub product—_that you emit every day with no procreation purposes just to discharge your gonads of the weigh anyway_—to make a baby, Ok? And I forgot that you need to give me the shot, it's about the same time as it was yesterday."

Angel laughed a full guttural chuckle when he actually understood what she went. "It almost killed you to accept that, didn't it? And let me just say I don't masturbate every day, though it's been almost daily since you showed up in this god forsaken town with those never-ending cleavages." Angel noticed Buffy smiling like a Cheshire cat, satisfied with her sexual torture.

"I have to do that damn shot again?" Angel asked as she handed him the syringe and the vial.

"I'm afraid so,"

"For how many days?"

"Seven,"

"That many? Are you sure it's ok, those are pretty painful."

"I'm sure."

"We'll it's always a pleasure to bug your ass." Angel mentioned in the raunchiest comment he could think of.

Buffy's eyes went huge with astonishment. "Don't you think I'm going to let that comment slide? You'll pay for it …with blood." Buffy said with malice.

"Is that a promise?" Angel responded, enjoying the return of their classical sexual banter.

"No, I was just kidding. Please don't make that sort of comment again. We are just friends, let's not jump into that wagon, I told you I can't… not here and not now." Buffy commented as she tried to calm the surge of lust and memories bulging inside.

"Ok, just friends. I understand that, let's go give you that shot, _mate_."

Even though he had agreed to that; he knew it wasn't just a friendship, he would not spend a second away from her in the next two months, God forbid it; she would use that second to escape forever with his daughter. And now that he knew she was considering an adoption; he was even warier of leaving her alone.

Buffy was far too devious and determined to let a minor obstacle like him keep her away from her goal. Which he would have to find out as well, he refused to believe that all she wanted was to disappear of the face of the earth, once a grand heroine, always a grand heroine. There had to be a plan behind her actions. And Angel would thwart it.

ZZZ

**August 23****rd****, 2008**

**Tic tac…**

**9:30 pm**

"How do you feel about those too?" Cordelia asked Doyle as they danced to a ballad by Lifehouse.

"I told you that they'd throw sparks." Doyle answered Cordy as he kissed her temple.

"You did, I just never thought they'd hook up so quickly." Cordy mentioned as she watched Buffy and Angel dancing several steps away from them. They were moony eyes over each other, and Angel's hand seemed to travel south to Buffy's derriere too confidently, as if he had done that before.

"Maybe it's been going-on for a while, and they didn't say it." Doyle suggested as he also noticed Buffy resting her head on Angel's shoulder and closing her eyes, rather intimately.

"Maybe… I just can't help to wonder about that scene I told you about. He called her Buffy and he gave me reason to think she was his dead wife. More to the point, she looks exactly like his dead wife who was also pregnant. Don't you think that's all too coincidental?"

"It is, love; but we shouldn't dig into that. They make it look like they have their stuff together now. And they do make a nice couple."

"It's a little too late for that. I already went looking for Buffy and Angel, or should say Buffy Summers-O'Quinn and Angelus O'Quinn?" Cordelia whispered to Doyle, and he immediately stared at her eyes with fear etched in his features.

"You are telling me that he's Angelus O'Quinn the famous gangster, and that woman is Buffy Summers, the FBI agent who died bringing the O'Quinn cartel down?"

"Exactly," Cordelia accepted as she stole another look at Buffy and Angel. She had seen them on pictures, on blogs and on the news. She had bothered to change her looks. But he was exactly the same. "She went undercover for years, she even married the guy, and that baby she's expecting; he's the father."

"Oh my god, Cordy! Tell me you haven't said that to anybody." Doyle pleaded as he continued dancing as if he hadn't suddenly swallowed lead.

"I made have commented on a blog about conspiracy theories…" Cordelia had commented that she thought Buffy and Angel weren't dead, or living in Paris as the blog suggested, she wrote that were on Witness Protection Program, on some shitty town like Old Tulsa Ohio.

"Cordy, for God sakes, you can't even imagine what you can cause. These two people are going to start a drug war here. Don't say anything ever again. Don't ever look up the blog again. Prey tell me that you were anonymous about it." Doyle asked with fear that escaladed in crescendo as Cordelia said nothing.

"I used my pseudo name… spunky chase." Cordelia whispered with a snip of a voice. She knew Doyle was going to lecture her later.

"Sometimes, I swear to God you must have been born blonde. We'll see if you made as big a mistake as I think you did."

"Sorry," Cordy whispered. She wasn't sorry. She had gotten over 50 comments on that blog; it seemed people out there were crazy to know what actually happened with these two famous characters.

Meanwhile, Buffy and Angel were playing at been a couple again, but just for the sake of appearances, because Buffy had been adamant that they would not be together in any sort of way ever again. She insisted on giving Abby for adoption, but Angel wouldn't let her, he would rather raise the baby alone than let her go. He slept on Buffy's couch just to keep an eye on her; he knew she was considering bailing on him, if she wasn't so sick he was sure she'll be long gone. For Cordelia and Doyle, and everybody else on Old Tulsa they were madly in love, and had decided to move in together… but once inside the house she was like a stranger, miles away from him, angry and distant.

ZZZ

"_**A cloud hangs over,  
And mutes my happiness,  
A thousand ships couldn't send me back from distress,  
Wish you were here,  
I'm a wounded satellite,  
I need you now put me back together, **_

_**To make me right…"  
**_

ZZZ

"The next time we go out in public, try not to grab my ass, or any other part of my body that I would consider private." Buffy censured as she slammed the door closed. "I said '_pretend to be a couple_' but you are taking it too far."

"Oh come on, Buffy; you can't be serious about that. I know every single inch of your body, and there's not a part of it _**private**_ to me." Angel said filled with innuendo as she cornered Buffy between the door and the wall. "I can't play pretend about something I am, something that I feel with every inch of my body." Angel whispered huskily as he kissed Buffy's collarbone.

"Speaking of which, I can feel ten inches of those you just mentioned poking at my belly… and we don't like it." Buffy mentioned rudely as she pushed Angel away.

"Please! Give a starving man some food for Christ sakes!" Angel pleaded with irony. "I could've cut the sexual tension with a paper knife. You know you want me. You know I want you. Why don't we just let nature take its course?"

"_You know I want you_!" Buffy screamed as she went almost running upstairs. "You are totally and completely full of shit. And just so you know. I don't _**want **_you. I _**hate **_you, remember?"

"You hated me before, but you still wanted me." Angel suggested as he followed her and started undressing. "Stop acting like a brat, it doesn't become you. You know this is meant to be. We are married for Christ sakes."

"Oh you want to go there?" Buffy asked with wickedness written all over the eyes. "I'm not your paid whore anymore! You can't force me to have sex with you, and you sure as hell can't order me around like I'm your slave either! I'll _say, think and do_ whatever the hell I want, and to the devil with you!"

Angel didn't say anything he just watched in awe as she removed all the clothes, toss them violently to the floor and stayed in her underwear. He still couldn't believe how pregnant she was.

"And get out of my room now!" Buffy screamed as she noticed his wondering eyes, roaming all over her body.

"Why? We are still talking here." Angel asked as he also took off his clothes. Buffy noticed his gesture and it made her heart pound.

"I don't want you to see me naked." Buffy said as she put on pajamas. "I have a right to privacy."

"Like I said earlier, I've seen it all before, darling."

"Not like it is now," Buffy said as she started undoing the bed covers.

"So are you big, big deal. You are pregnant; I'd say you've never been more beautiful than you are now." Angel said as he stood behind Buffy and grabbed her hips. "Stop this nonsense about us, I can't bear this double standard, I'd rather we were nothing, but not this contradiction."

"Fine, we've officially broken up. Now get out of my room. I'd like to be alone." Buffy said in a hostile manner as she went around Angel and stood by the door. "I don't understand why you don't listen when I say it's over … again and again. I was just undercover, Angel. It's not how I feel anymore. I never felt anything but blatant hatred when you fucked me."

"Did you ever…" Angel mentioned sadly as he stood next to the door as well. He meant to ask if she ever loved him, but he knew the answer she would give him right then and there. "Let's not get sidetrack here, Buffy. You don't want me to see you naked, or touch you, why is that?"

Buffy was caught out of guard with that question; she thought about a plausible lie, like he disgusted her, like she hated him so much that she couldn't bear it, but the truth was obvious. "I'm covered with disgusting scars, I'm big as a house and I'm too bloody sensitive for mind games. Every time you touch me, I feel earthquakes shaking me inside out, and it's like I would scream my throat hoarse because I can't control it. You make me feel vulnerable and I hate it."

Angel felt some of that sensation she was speaking about, like a small gravity that pulled him closer to her. "_How sensitive_?" Angel said as he drew closer to her, towering her petite frame.

"Like my skin was on fire, everywhere you touch me, it leaves a mark… you say you know my every inch. Well, I know that, it's like a mindless calling and sometimes I can't get a grip on this… this desperate craving that you create on my guts."

Angel paid no attention to what she had just said and slid his hand under the pajama top, touching the bellybutton that stood out like a beacon. "Let me feel that crave too, take me and everything that I am, use me…"

Buffy's skin rose in Goosebumps all over, his hand was cold, and to her heated skin it felt like the touch of melting ice. "Please don't…" Buffy whispered as she grabbed his hand by the wrist, stopping it as he grabbed hold of her round, firm breast.

Angel felt the small nipple rise instantly and he trembled as well, feeling how Buffy sighed as he kissed her lips, and walked her backwards toward to the bed.

Buffy felt the bed behind her, and she fell on it carefully, she responded to Angel's kiss ardently, her body was humming with that curious lust, she wanted to stop but the need to continue was stronger.

"If we do this… just don't ask me questions later, don't hold it against me…" Buffy whispered as Angel removed her clothes, he was kissing her all over, her belly, her breasts, everywhere that he could reach. "We shouldn't."

"If? There's no if, Buffy. There's you and me… and the rest of the world. And I will not let you walk away from this now, my beautiful, tainted love. Ask me anything, I'll do anything for you, I'll never speak a word again if that's what you want… but I'll—" Angel whispered huskily as his hand caressed Buffy's thighs.

"Don't speak..." Buffy whispered as she pulled Angel above her. He got the message very clearly.

Angel didn't say a word after that, he couldn't. He was too busy kissing, sucking, and nipping on every inch of her body.

Buffy's skin was so sensitive that every time his roughed beard scrapped her breasts, or the inside of her thighs she whimpered, it was like walking a familiar path all over again, easy and heartfelt, and straight to her sweet release. Angel relished each second of it knowing she'll grant him very little respite after that.

He came with unrestrained emotion, but he couldn't stop wanting more, he feared she would push him away so soon as she noticed that she had bend to him after all. If Buffy had anything on her was her persistence, she wouldn't bulge or retreat, but she would grant him small truces.

Something wet surprised him as he tried to stay as still as a statue next to her, every second was slower than the next and before he could think about it, she dug her nails on his biceps hard enough to leave marks on them.

"I can't—I'm sorry." Buffy whispered as she trembled with violent spasm, hot tears rolling down her temples.

"About?" Angel asked timidly, his heart was pounding crazily.

"Everything," Buffy managed to say between gasps.

"Don't cry, you make me feel like a bastard. Was it something I did? Did I do it too hard?" Angel said as he tried to comfort her. "Did I hurt you?"

Buffy kept trembling as she tried to form words but she was too upset to talk.

"Let just go get you a towel, I'll be right back."

Buffy breathed hard and deep several times, she had never felt something so strong. She had been emotional last few weeks but not like that night, she wouldn't stop crying no matter how hard she breathed.

"Tell me about it, what's gotten you so wrapped up?" Angel asked as he hugged her. "Is it about the baby? Is it about your family… about me?"

"All—I am," Buffy started between hiccups.

"You are upset obviously, you don't have to explain, I've read that pregnant woman get emotional. Can I get you some tea? Would you like me to draw you a bath?"

"I'm fine," Buffy said as she put her pajama top back on.

"You don't have to lie to me, baby. I know there's something wrong. I wish you'd trust me with it. Maybe I can do something."

"You can't," Buffy began as she dried the tears. "I am tainted, Angel. You said it yourself. I can't believe how far we went today. You have to go now, please just leave me alone. Don't make me do this again."

"Why do you keep pushing me away from you? Give me one good reason to leave and I'll go … but you can't, can you?" Noticing that Buffy couldn't produce one good reason he continued. "The reason why you reject me so much, is because you hate losing control, isn't it? You can't even break down to tears without pushing me away. You are human, vulnerable, nothing but flesh, bones and lots of mistakes. And you think letting me win this battle you wage with yourself makes you weak, you think making love with me makes you a whore. Guess what my beloved Buffy?"

She remained silent but the hot tears keep coming back.

"The only one suffering with this war is you. I've long accepted that you had questionable motives when you approached me, and I don't care about them anymore. You are the love of my life, and no matter what happens I'll stay with you. And just to be clear, I don't fuck you, I make love to you." Angel mentioned as she stayed watching him silently.

"I can't control anything anymore, Buffy; and sometimes it makes me go crazy; I don't have money to buy you a coffee much less seduce you with jewelry, and that doesn't mean I think of you—or treat you—as a whore. I know you liked expensive things, and I like seeing you smile when you received them, if you can't accept my way of loving of you, that's your problem."

Buffy casted her eyes down, thinking he was very wrong, she didn't love expensive things at all, she smiled when she got them but inside the cringed at the thought of him trying to buy her with bloody money. "I have very little to offer to you now, and you have many motivations to push me away, but I have one thing that I value greatly, and I think you'd value too."

"What?" Buffy asked genuinely curious about it.

"A family… you and me and Abby, we are meant to be together. If somebody offered me all the money in the world or you; I wouldn't even think about it." Angel took Buffy's hands between his own. "Don't be afraid of losing control, love. So you made a thousand mistakes, who cares? I'm sure we'll make a thousand more. Forgive yourself and go on, your life it's the most precious gift I could ask for. Let the past behind and live the future… _with me_."

"You make it sound so easy!" Buffy screamed as she released his grip.

"It is, just make the first step and the rest will come on its own." Angel said as he offered Buffy his hand again.

"You'll regret doing this." Buffy warned him, but she took his hand anyway.

"Why don't you let me handle my own regretting, you just worry about keeping that daughter of us safe, and I'll mind the rest? Can we make that deal?"

"I guess." Buffy accepted with doubts. "I'm not sure about this. I still think we are making a huge mistake."

"Let go, Buffy. Just imagine all those fears, anger and regrets you have placed in a potato sac, and drop them. You can't control the future, and you can't change the past and neither can I. If there's a mistake here we'll deal with it later."

Buffy would never put the past to rest, she had this nagging feeling that something horrible was about to happen and she hated it.

"I can't just bury my head on the sand like that!" Buffy mentioned, but Angel was stubborn, he wouldn't let her worry over nothing.

"Good night, Love; I'm spent." Angel said as he kissed Buffy on the lips and went under the covers, since he obviously intended to share the bed with Buffy.

Buffy sighed, and been as tired as him, she went to bed and dropped the proverbial potato sac on the floor, even if just for one night.

ZZZ

Meanwhile, the FBI and section 52 watchers had picked up Cordelia's comment, and then they had crossed-referenced it with the last hot lead on the O'Quinn Cartel case, it turned out it all pointed to the same place… Old Tulsa Ohio.

Quentin Travers gave Daniel Holtz a call as soon as he got the report, and Daniel in turn gave the mission to two of his best snipers; they had to find Angelus O'Quinn and kill him, their orders were to make it quick and clean.

ZZZ

This is the end of part 3, you must review me now! And make it long reviews!

The mean Kitten.

ZZZ

"This is how you remind me" by nickelback

"Somewhere I belong" by linkin park

"How to safe a life" by the frey

"Forgiven" By Alanis Morissette

"Iris" by the Goo Goo Dolls

"Anna Molly" by Incubus


	4. Chapter 4

zzz

**Title**: Hooker2 the chrysalis

**Author**: the mean kitten

**Disclaimer**: we own nothing, it's all Joss Whedon, UPN and mutant enemy; we just give the fans a dose of fan-fiction.

**Notes**: this is part four of four parts… (The end… and there'll be no more epilogues or sequels!)

ZZZ

"_**If the heart is always searching,  
Can you ever find a home?  
I've been looking for that someone;  
I'll never make it on my own…"**_

ZZZ

**August 24****th****, 2008**

**Salem Memorial Hospital**

"Does it really hurt as much as it looks?" Angel asked as he held Buffy's hands through the process of dialysis. "I mean, the fustula-thing seems very painful."

"It's called a _fistula_, darling. And yes, it's painful, I can't move my arm because of it, and the whole dialysis process it's hard; my head is spinning, if I start looking too green, you should watch out for a bucket." Buffy joked, she had a bucket next to her, but she tried every possible mind control method to keep the food down.

"Is this really necessary? I mean, you do pee, wasn't that the whole point, to ease the kidneys for a while?" Angel suggested, since he had spoken with the nephrologists about it, but he had understood little of the medical language. "Maybe I understood things wrong."

"It _**is**_ the point, but it's not something that can be achieved overnight, they made a few tests today, depending on what they see on them, they'll add or remove future dialysis sessions." Buffy whispered as she closed her eyes and sighed. "I'm crossing my fingers for fewer sessions."

"Well, so am I then, I don't look forward for these things. I feel terribly uncomfortable just sitting here, doing nothing, when I'm sure you aren't exactly in a picnic over there." He mentioned softly as he continued making little circles around Buffy's wrist and palm. "I wish there was something I could do, I should get tested; maybe I'm a good match for you?"

"Your blood type is different, that just to begin with, you are male, twice my size, I don't think that's ever going to work, but thank you so much for the offer." Buffy mentioned as she thought about all the possibilities, if she could find a good match, she'd be saved.

"Hi, my name is Jeff Sussman, I'm the obstetric in charge, and I was told you requested a consultation?" The doctor said as he addressed both Buffy and Angel.

"I didn't…" Buffy began but Angel didn't let her finish.

"I did. I thought we needed to see how Abby is doing in there."

"You know the sex already then? That's great, I'll wait until you are done with dialysis and then I'll perform an ultrasound, if that's alright with you?" Doctor Sussman asked directly to Buffy.

"Sure," Buffy whispered hesitantly, scared of what could come out under the microscope.

ZZZ

"_**When you look me in the eyes,  
I catch a glimpse of heaven.  
I find my paradise."**_

ZZZ

"Ok, I've got the tests here. I've got good news and bad news, what should I begin with?" Doctor Sussman asked as he went through the results.

"I guess bad ones could go first?" Buffy asked timidly. Angel noticed how frightened she was, and he sat closer to her, holding her hand a little more firmly.

"Your sugar levels are too high, are you sure you are taking the right amount of insulin?"

"I'm not sure, I have a dosage based on weight, I guess since my weigh has been fluctuating, maybe it doesn't work anymore?" Buffy admitted, as she considered her 25 extra pounds. "And I haven't been following a meal plan, which maybe is causing the sugar unbalance?"

"Certainly, I'm sure the cravings and the morning sickness make you eat stuff you normally wouldn't. We'll get around a new meal plan, and maybe add some more vitamins, because you are still anemic, that's all the bad news. Now let me give you the good ones." Doctor Sussman said, creating anxious anticipation on the new parents.

"You don't need any more dialysis sessions, all your electrolytes and creatinine depuration is fine, you're off the hook, hopefully this infection won't come back. It seems like at least one kidney is working, so we have more time to spare here."

"That's excellent news doc! Have I told you that I love you?" Buffy responded as she effusively thanked doctor Sussman for such great news.

"Your welcome, Miss Miles; now go put on a robe, we are going to take a look at your baby."

ZZZ

"I can't—speak." Angel said as he stared at the small red screen, the 3-D ultrasound was the most realistic thing he had ever seen. "That's…Abby… so beautiful."

"Is she alright?" Buffy asked as she also stared at the screen.

"She's doing very well. The heart, the spine, the lungs, everything looks fine. I'd say we are looking at October's first week. She's tiny so it's hard to tell when exactly, but at least she's developing very well."

"Can you tell if she's been affected by my medication?" Buffy questioned as she tried to contain the ball of emotions bulging inside.

The doctor waited and reconsidered what he was about to say to a sensitive mother and a hovering, overwhelmed father. "I can't tell you now if she's deaf, but I can assure you she's doing well, she's healthy as far as we can tell by an ultrasound. You shouldn't worry about that now, just consider here a miracle on her own rights … try to stay calm; birth it's just a few weeks away, you don't need to get all anxious when there's nothing to do now … but wait."

"How is that going to be?" Angel asked, curious about Lamaze and other techniques he thought Buffy should get to know ASAP. "The birth I mean."

"Oh, well that's something we need to talk about. But I'd rather we waited a few more weeks and see the baby's position first; learning breathing techniques never hurts though." Doctor Sussman said as he continued measuring the baby and taking prints of the images.

"Now you should hear this, it's usually very comforting for first time parents," Doctor Sussman said as he raised the volume on the speaker so they could hear the baby's heart beat. "Does that sound great o what?"

"Amazing," Buffy's whispered as she wrapped her hand around Angel's. "That's the most amazing thing, I've ever…" Buffy couldn't finish, a knot of pure emotion had twisted around her throat, as she heard and saw just how beautiful, perfect and healthy her baby was.

"Hi Abby," Angel managed to say as he went to pieces, hugging Buffy and sharing the joyful tears.

"I'll let you two have a moment, I'll be outside." Doctor Sussman mentioned softly as he left Buffy and Angel alone. He could see just how emotional the couple was.

ZZZ

"_**And I am here still waiting**__**,  
Though I still have my doubts,  
I am damaged at best,  
Like you've already figured out…"  
**_

ZZZ

**August 29****th**

**Old Tulsa, Ohio**

**Doyle's Tavern**

"Give me your hand," Buffy said to Doyle as he stared at her round bump. "Can you feel that? She's moving around, I think she'll kick soon… oh there, I guess she found you." Buffy mentioned as Abby kicked right against Doyle's palm.

"That's so cool; you guys are going to have a baby! I want to be considered for godfather." Doyle asked as he felt the baby kicking again. "See? She agrees with me."

"Wasn't this all a little too fast, I mean moving in, and announcing the baby on the same week?" Cordelia asked as she stared at Buffy. "I didn't even know you guys were seeing each other before June."

"Ok, so I'm not the biological father! It doesn't matter to me, I love Sarah, and I love the baby." Angel replied with pride as well as pain, he would never be able to admit that Abby was his daughter in every way.

"It doesn't matter, _father_ is just the guy who gives sperm, _dad_ is the man who sticks around and actually raises the kid." Buffy mentioned as she sat next Angel and grabbed his hand, placing it above her belly. "I'm sure you are a daddy."

"I'm _the daddy_, and that scumbag can kiss my ass—if he ever comes back in the first place—Abby is mine, and so is Sarah." Angel said with false bravado as he kissed Buffy on the temple.

"Cheers to the happy couple!" Doyle said as he raised his beer and proposed a toast.

Cordelia raised her beer as well, but she thought it was too good to be true; they were lying, so thoroughly that they had become suspicious. Cordy remembered what she had promised Doyle, but that kind of gossip was too good to let it go. She had to start her own conspiracy theory about the O'Quinn legacy…

ZZZ

"_**When you walk away  
I count the steps that you take  
Do you see how much I need you right now?"**_

ZZZ

**FBI Headquarters, Los Angeles**

**September 6****th**

"Hey, you, Rosenberg, you have a visitor." Agent Donovan said to Willow.

"Me? Are you sure? Send him in." Willow said as she found her gun, and placed it on the halter on her hip. She was assigned to homicides now, and that kind of out of the blue visitors never meant good news.

"Is a she; she says her name is Faith O'Quinn. Does that ring a bell to you?" Agent Donovan continued as he made a sign to let Faith into the precinct.

"Really? That's very strange." Willow mentioned as she mentally checked what she knew about Angelus' baby sister.

Willow waited by the door until this mysterious Faith showed up. She could be Angelus' sister, that was a possibility, but how she found her, and why, that was an enigma.

"Hi, you don't know me, but I'm Faith O'Quinn." Faith mentioned as she shook hands with Willow.

"I'm very curious as to why you are here. I'm agent Rosenberg, as you probably know, I was Buffy Summers partner, is this related to her?"

"Yes, it is. Could we talk somewhere more private?" Faith asked since they were speaking in the hallway.

"Of course, follow me;" Willow said as she led Faith to a cross-examination room. "I'm going to have to record everything you say to me, as you know, these are federal matters."

"Or course, I'm sure you are as wary as I am, but we have a greater purpose here, and only you can help me." Faith said as she sat next to Willow and turned on the tape recorder.

"You've got my attention, Miss O'Quinn."

"My brother, as you know, was the head of the O'Quinn Cartel. And he recently disappeared after he dismantled the organization."

"I'm aware of that."

"I'm his only living relative, and well I'm sure he's pretty sad with what happened to Buffy and everything." Faith meant that her brother had to be devastated, if anything he had loved Buffy, and losing his organization had to be the shock of a lifetime.

"I'm sure he is."

"The thing is; that I have reason to believe she's alive." Faith paused to lower her voice. "I've been following every single clue I can find to get to Angel, and guess what?"

"I'm not a good guesser, Miss O'Quinn."

"I've found several blogs and email pages that state she's in the country… alive and pregnant. You must understand this is of major importance, this child would be my nephew, and well Angel needs to know about him. I'm sure he's so lost, so alone out there that he has begun using again."

"This isn't a clue that I would follow, Miss O'Quinn." Willow said with a face as straight as a statue, but she was petrified of the information leaking through the net.

"This is personal as well as federal, Buffy knows a lot of stuff about the operation; she can't be left wandering around lost, with a kid. And I promised my brother that I would meet him and Buffy in Zurich months ago, I've waited patiently but I can't wait anymore. I need to know he's ok." Faith admitted, she meant that she had lost her family once, and she wouldn't lose it again. "Would you please help me find him?"

Also, Faith needed to find Buffy because she alone had the key to the 20 millions left in a bank vault in Zurich, Faith had tried to get it but she couldn't only Buffy or Angel could get them.

"I don't know how you found me, or why. And I'm positive you are mistaken about Agent Summers. I'm going to try—I repeat _**try**_—to find your brother, but he's on Witness Protection Program, if we found him, so will his enemies. I want you to understand that crucial matter before you go out, and start telling people you are an O'Quinn."

"But will you help me?"

"I'm going to move some strings, see what I can find, but I can't promise you anything. And in your best interest, you should change your last name to something less conspicuous like Smith or Klein, or whatever you find suitable." Willow said as she rewind and erased the tape, she didn't want any sort of evidence about that conversation to remain behind.

"Thank you so much, Agent Willow. I'll be so inconspicuous that you'll have to hire a private detective just to find me!"

"Who gave you my name?" Willow had never said her name, she was positive; Agent Donovan hadn't said it either. Faith had to have classified information.

"Buffy, she said if we didn't meet in Zurich for any reason, especially if someone died or went to jail, that I should talk to you; that you were the only person I could trust."

"I suppose that's true." Willow admitted with doubts; Buffy was never sloppy or careless about that kind of information, she must have wanted Willow to find her for some other reason.

"We'll be in touch then?"

"Yes, we will."

ZZZ

**September 7****th****,**

**Buffy's B-day**

It was a regular day, a little cold in fact, it was pouring rain outside and Buffy stared at the window, she had that distant look she got when she remembered the past.

"How's the painting going?" Angel asked as he stood behind Buffy, watching the empty canvas.

"It's _not_ going; I seem to have lost my muse somewhere." Buffy mentioned as she leaned her back on Angel's chest, she was sitting on a stool by the window, trying to paint the rain.

"Don't worry, baby. You'll find it later. Do you want to go out somewhere, maybe a movie?" Angel suggested as he caressed Buffy's forehead, he had developed a habit of checking constantly if she had even the slightest temperature. Call it an overprotective, overbearing husband/new parent.

"No, let's just stay here. I was feeling like reading a book or something."

"Well, take your pick." Angel said as he implied that she was, after all, in a bookstore.

"She could be deaf, you know? The antibiotics I took could make her deaf, and she could be born with damaged kidneys, diabetic like me or even retarded. They're all small probabilities, but they are there." Buffy mentioned out of the blue, that was the thought that plagued her constantly, that's why her muse seemed gone and her mood so blue lately.

"We'll deal with it. Who could love her more than we do? And imagine she is deaf, I'll learn sign language and protect her more, and if she's sick, we'll still manage." Angel said as he embraced Buffy, making her feel his warmth and protection. "How could anybody in the world sacrifice more than we do for this baby? You are putting everything on the line; nobody else will do that for her."

"I just don't want her to be orphaned, you and me; we'll always be in danger…"

"You walk across the street and you could be hit by a bus. I don't mind danger, I mind _**you**_." Angel leaned down to whisper on Buffy's ear and to kiss her temple. "You and Abby are the only family I have. That nightmare you told me about? It means I'm the same for you, we are a family. How could we not stay together? We are the only ones who could keep her safe by any means. No adoptive parent can love her like that… you know that better than I do, because you carry her inside you, you breath and eat just to keep her alive. And you were adopted too, did they love you like this?" Angel continued whispering as he twined his fingers with Buffy's above her belly, circling the round bump.

"I'll think about it." Buffy admitted dully as she understood what he meant all too well.

"Think real hard about that, meanwhile I got you something." Angel mentioned as he pulled away form Buffy and went to one of the shelves.

"You did?"

"You think I forgot, but I didn't. I know it's your birthday, so I got you this…" Angel said as he went behind one of the shelves and pull out a gift bag.

"You didn't have to." Buffy said as she opened the present; it was a music box, with a carrousel above it.

"It's beautiful, thank you." Buffy said as she hugged him and kissed him. "Do you like how it sounds, Abby?" Buffy asked the baby, as she opened the box, and played the tune.

"Is it the same as the one your grandfather gave you?" Angel asked filled with hope.

"No, but it's still beautiful."

"It's not? I thought these things were generic. Grab your coat."

"Why?"

"I'm going to take you to the store; I'm determined to find that particular music box."

"You don't have to do that."

"I'm destined, baby. I've found a Mr. Gordo in that antique place, now I'll find that music box. Please, come with me."

Angel heard about her nightmare and been so linear he decided to do exactly as the dream suggested; he would find a Mr. Gordo and her carrousel music box and become her home for good, God willing.

ZZZ

"_**Something 'bout the way your hair falls in your face,  
I love the shape you take when crawling towards the pillowcase,  
You tell me where to go and,  
Though I might leave to find it,  
I'll never let your head hit the bed,  
Without my hand behind it…"  
**_

ZZZ

He knew as soon as they entered the store that he had scored major points with his love. She had teary eyes as soon as she saw it on a counter. The store had been there for near fifty-seven years, it began as a toy store and lately it had become an antique, and souvenirs store, the owner specialized on music boxes, he had hundreds of them.

"Have you found the one?" Angel asked as he caressed her back and kissed her temple. "Are you ok? We don't have to do this if you are feeling upset."

"I have… can I see that one?" Buffy said as she pointed to an old one, it had been made in Vienna in the 80s.

"Sure, it's pretty old; it has been here for about ten years. It's on sale, you know? It's just ten bucks." The salesperson said as he handed Buffy the music box. She grabbed it with great care; it was so similar that it made her heart somersault.

Buffy turned the screw on the bottom several times and then she opened the box very slowly. There it was; the melody she remembered by heart.

"You said I could trade it back if she didn't like it?" Angel asked the salesperson as he noticed that Buffy had found the one mystical music box.

"I did, but I don't refund money. Can I interest you in something else?"

"How much is the difference?"

"It's forty dollars below. Would you like a jewel box? I have beautiful pieces…"

"Darling, are you alright?" Angel asked with concern, he noticed Buffy was absorbed looking at the wall, like she wasn't there, sighing, transfixed in a memory buried twenty two years in the back.

"My grandfather told me something on my seventh birthday, when he coincidentally gave me a music box just like this:

'_My Darling Buffy-Anne, one day you'll turn into a wise and beautiful woman, you'll fall in love with a handsome man, you'll get married, and you'll have beautiful children just like you are right now. _

_You must remember this carrousel song, because I rocked you to sleep with it, since you were a tiny baby, and I hope you'll rock your child to it as well, many, many years from now._

_And then maybe, you'll remember that I love you very much, that I gave you this music box with all my heart, and when you play this song, you'll know that I'm missing you anywhere you are.'_

"The song, is Brahms lullaby, it's so common that any jewel box, or baby toy had it back in the eighties." The sales person mentioned as he understood what Giles had meant.

"He knew we wouldn't see each other ever again. He was so right, wasn't he? Life is so short, and yet it goes on so fast." Buffy asked Angel with unstoppable tears that ran as far as her collarbone. "I've grown up, and I am having a baby with the man I love. He was so prophetical. It's so odd to find this now; I could never repay you, A—_David_. You don't know how much this means to me."

Angel just stared at her; she was clutching the object to her belly, remembering her grandfather with unabashed emotion.

"We'll take both, here's the money." Buffy said as she handed the man a ten dollar bill. Angel was a little too emotionally shaken to snap out of it.

"Thank you! You are welcome to come back anytime, we have lots of stuff." The salesperson said as he received the money.

Angel walked silently behind Buffy towards the car, staring at the faithful Herbie and feeling like his world was about to crash and burn again…

ZZZ

"No wonder you wanted to find that music box." Angel mentioned as he sat next to Buffy and wrapped his hands around the wheel, a poor substitute of Buffy. He didn't want to touch her, scared of her true feelings; promises made to Rupert Giles would always scare him.

"I've made a decision." Buffy announced solemnly.

"Have you? God I prey you don't mean…" He thought Buffy would send him away for good.

"We are going to keep her, you and me… _we are a family_. It's just like you said. Who could love her more than I do?" Buffy asked as she wiped the tears away. "I'm going to honor a promise I made a long time ago, since I love making transcendental decisions like that."

Buffy continued speaking as the tears kept falling. "Abby will have us. We'll have to make some adjustments, safety will be hard to obtain, but we will make it through. We can make this! I've survived death and hell; why wouldn't I manage this small challenge?"

"Oh my god, have you—are you serious? Don't play with me like that; I'm barely hanging here as it is."

"I have—what?—50 years of life ahead. If I give my daughter away now; I'll regret every day of it, God only knows if I can have another. You'll never forgive me or forget her…" Buffy paused to wipe her running nose and sob painstakingly.

"She was sent to us, not to some other couple, but to us. How could we not keep her?" Buffy asked out loud, she wanted to deny her primal right, but she couldn't; it was bigger than anything else she had ever done before.

"You are not the only one who loves her." Angel mentioned just to fill in. She had said _**us**_; that most obviously included him. "And it goes beyond that, Buffy. It's not just her, I love _**you**_. I want to be with you. There's something I've noticed these days that we've spent together lately …"

"What's that?"

"That I love you more. I loved you before, but every day we stay together… it's like you wrap your fingers around my heart a little tighter. I know you are not perfect, but neither am I. If you can forgive me and give me another chance to be with you, I'll try to keep you both safe… I don't only deserve Abby—forgive my presumption in saying this—but I deserve _**you**_. Haven't I suffer enough to get to this point? I love you both so much…I just thought you should consider that in that oath you are making."

"I have the biggest blame here, I brought this on you. I shouldn't have gone undercover just to get even. But I guess God works in the most mysterious ways. He must have had us on the plan all along."

"Can I kiss you?" Buffy didn't respond to the question, she kissed him.

"We have to make a vow now." Buffy mentioned abruptly as she pulled Angel away from her.

"Again? I though I just made one!" Angel said lightheartedly, and Buffy smiled to his comment.

"Not like that, we vow that we'll never say each other's name, we'll never discuss the past again, and we'll never contact anybody that could identify us. It's the only way to achieve true safety."

"Ok… _**Sarah**_, I vow that I'll do all that."

"Ok, Davie." Buffy turned the car key on the ignition, and turned the car on; Angel thought she obviously wanted to go home.

"Wait there, _**Sarah**_," Angel said as he tested the feeling of her new name on his tongue.

"We have to work a few issues before we go in public again. For example, are Sarah and David going to get married? Abby is going to be what…Moore, Miles, or Miles-Moore? We are man and wife, right? No more of this silly charade, right?" Angel said, meaning he would be with Buffy all the way; she had been avoiding him, keeping him physically and emotionally distant from the moment he begrudgingly moved into her home, and camped perpetually next to her bed.

"We could get engaged now, and married in like a year or two? I think Abby could be Moore, I'd like to be Sarah Miles, if that's ok?" Buffy paused to sigh and collect her thoughts. "I—I don't want us to be… _intimate_, until after Abby is born, I just don't feel comfortable with my body right now."

"Ok, I mean—I mean I understand that, I'm sure you think that… the penis can, I don't know, hurt her or something? I agree with you, it's just a few weeks away. We don't need to go there. But it doesn't mean we aren't together either." Angel said, unsure of where he stood regarding Buffy.

"Thank you, I think is a good idea; sex just makes things too complicated." Buffy admitted with a tinge of regret. Sex was the thing that had gotten them together in the first place.

Angel noticed her implication and he could not bear it. "Let me just get one thing straight since we are on the subject," Angel began as he took Buffy's hand and held it firmly. "Do you feel like you don't want to have sex _**now**_? Or do you feel like you don't want to have sex with me _**ever again**_? Because that would be…"

Buffy was caught dear on the headlights for a second. "I do want to… it's just that I'm worried about how I… _look_. I don't feel—I mean now, I just don't want to have sex _now_. It's me, David; it's not about your penis, or the baby, it's about how I feel."

"Why do you feel like that?" Angel said remembering how shrinks tried to make patients see the truth with their own eyes, instead of just saying it. "What do you find un-pretty?"

"Everything, I mean the scars, the healing bruises from dialysis, the overweight, isn't it all too far from the gorgeous, blonde hookeryou fell in love with?"

There laid the truth of all, once a hooker always a hooker, that's what Buffy thought and felt, she had bargained her body more than once, now sex was just that, a transaction, and she was scared of been incapable of feeling and making love again.

"I don't know if you have realized this, but I have to go ahead and say it." Angel stopped and stared at Buffy with puzzlement for a few seconds before he spoke again.

"It wasn't you; it was just a character you chose you play, the real Buffy is sitting right here beside me, and she's beyond beautiful. She's fragile, different, and she's perfect in her own particular way. And I love _**her**_, not the slayer she played."

Buffy stared at Angel unsure of what to say, he was smirking at her. She just stayed there, watching his chocolate orbs stare at her with a mixture of puzzle and joy that was very hard to conceal.

It was like a spell; the more she stared at him the more she wanted to touch him, to feel him close to her. She repeated his words over and over inside her head. _I'm not the slayer, I'm not the hooker. I'm just Buffy. I'm fragile, I'm different, and I'm perfect in my own way._

"That's the most beautiful thing you've ever said to me." Buffy admitted as she felt tears gathering again.

"It's the truth." Angel replied as he leaned closer to Buffy and started kissing her.

Buffy didn't pull back this time; she remained locked inside the embrace, and responding to the kiss, aware of what a fine kisser he was, and how much he really loved _her_.

ZZZ

**September 10****th****, 2008**

**Old Tulsa Ohio**

"The big fucker is never alone," The agent told Quentin Travers over the phone.

"Who is he with? Can't you find him somewhere alone?" Quentin asked, meaning who was Angelus with all the time.

"Some pregnant chic, his Irish friend, a brunette girlfriend, you name it he's got them. The man is never 100 percent alone. This is going to get very difficult. Are you sure you can't handle one tiny witness?"

"No, I'm positive. You just keep watching him, I'll find out who are all these people. Mean while, don't leave evidence behind, intelligence from CIA are on top of us. We must be very careful." Quentin said cautiously; he knew CIA could start and investigation and discover so much dirt that he would never work for the FBI again.

ZZZ

"_**I won't hesitate no more, no more  
It cannot wait, I'm yours…  
**_

_**Well open up your mind, and see like me,  
Open up your plans, and damn you're free,  
Look into your heart, and you'll find love, love, love, love…  
**_

_**And it's our God-forsaken right to be loved …"**_

ZZZ

**September 20****th**

**Old Tulsa Ohio**

"I still think you shouldn't have sold the trailer!" Buffy shouted as both she and Angel entered the bookstore. They were soaked through because it was pouring rain outside and they had walked several blocks from David's garage under the drizzle.

"We need the money to get ready for the baby, and we also need to save for medical expenses." Angel had sold the trailer for 15,000 dollars which was a nice sum considering how expensive it could get. "Don't worry about it. You are not the only one sacrificing here."

Buffy took off the wet clothes and went under the coverlet, desperate for warm. It took her several minutes to achieve a decent temperature again.

By then, she noticed that Angel was every bit as muscular as she remembered him to be; once he took off his shirt and remained on the wet and white wife-beater; He started rummaging through the kitchen, and Buffy couldn't help to notice he looked extremely sexy with the wet near transparent garment clinging to his six-pack abs, bearing his broad shoulders; perfect pectorals and chiselled arms in a very enticing way.

"Maybe we could sell more things, I was thinking about the first grand sale, maybe 30 percent discount on every item." Buffy suggested as she tried not to look at his near naked body parading in front of her as he stood over the counter pouring hot chocolate on two cups.

"That sounds like a good idea." Angel mentioned as picked stuff out of the fridge, he meant to make her a Swiss omelette and French toast as well.

"We could put my new paintings on sale too."

Angel stopped for a second and stared at Buffy; she was sitting pretty by the useless fireplace, only her naked ankles peeked under the tartan blankets, but that small feminine ankle was enough to seduce him.

Angel swallowed hard and breathed deeply; he had promised to reign over his sex drive, and he had been managing fairly well… until he saw Buffy… wet from head to toe, and looking at him in that 'I want to have sex now' way she was looking at him right there and then.

"Those are very personal; I'd rather you didn't sell them. We've got my money, and we'll make ends meet with that. Save the paintings, they could be worth millions in a few years." Angel mentioned as he tried to concentrate on mixings eggs in a bowl.

He was so enthralled that he didn't noticed Buffy standing up and walking towards him. "I'd love to paint you." Buffy whispered as she wrapped Angel under the blanket, and hugged her torso to his back, enveloping him on her delicious warmth.

"I'm hardly worth it." Angel mentioned softly as he felt Buffy's hard, naked nipples touch his cold skin.

"You are beautiful; I can't imagine anybody with more perfect features than you." Buffy said as she started caressing his abdominals. "You are the ideal subject."

Feeling her obvious intentions, Angel's body started responding of its own volition, the blood was gathering at his crotch and his every nerve ending was sensitized to her hesitant caresses.

She moaned, licking his ear, sending shock waves of pleasure rippling through him.

"Are you sure this is what you want?" Angel asked as he turned around and let the blanket drop. "I said I wouldn't push anything, but I'm not made of stone, you've got me reeled-up here. All I need is a yes to go mad."

Buffy dropped her sight but her hand remained anchored on his hips. "All I know is that you make me feel alive… when you make love to me." Buffy said, and noticing he wasn't even blinking she leaned closer to him, plastering her body to his, she felt his body drew closer to her as he put his arms around her, cherishing the smell of her hair and silkiness of her naked skin.

When she raised her eyes again, his eyes had become a fine slit, a promise of unrestrained passion, he looked at her as a hunter does to a doe, his fingers touched her hesitantly across her spine, and his lips seemed to be drawn inexorably to hers.

When he kissed her it was like a he was sucking her soul away, he caressed her lips, and sucked her tongue so perfectly that Buffy started feeling how heat, and wetness gathered at her nether parts.

"I don't think I can make it to the bedroom…" Angel whispered as he weighted her marvellous breasts on the palm of his hands, feeling the nipples go taut and press hard for attention.

"It's ok, sex on a bed is overrated…I was thinking about the couch over there." Buffy mentioned as she continued caressing Angel's torso, he was so hard he stood against his belly and ready to burst any second.

"Forget it… I owe you this." Angel swore as he picked Buffy on his arms, carried her upstairs and dropped her on her bed. "And it's not sex… its love."

Angelus hovered above her, admiring the beauty that lay underneath him. He couldn't believe she was beneath him like this willingly.

She stared at him with huge eyes of a curious yellow tinge, they were saffron that day, he had never seen them like that, save on the day the met. So it probably meant she was in peculiar mood, maybe she just had a surge of hormones.

"Is something wrong? You are looking at me funny." Buffy whispered as she felt the tension between them build up and rise to a palpable level.

"Nothing is wrong, Baby. I just want to admire how beautiful you are."

"I'd rather you just kissed me…" Buffy said as she pulled Angel on top of her; he was careful, keeping his weight on his elbows, making sure he wasn't directly against her bump, and then he started kissing her honeyed lips, forgetting everything and everyone on the face of the earth.

Dominantly so, he pushed her legs apart as he stood over her, and kneeled in front of her vulnerable intimate parts, taking off her panties, the only garment still on. "I'm going to take my time doing this, so don't start hurrying me up, ok?" Angel asked as he lowered his head and tasted her.

"Take your time…" Buffy whispered as she caressed his head.

The first wet lick made Buffy shudder from head to bottom, and then following ones made her grab fist of the sheets as she started to turn hot red as an ember.

Suddenly the heat got tight and unbearably wet and as delicious as it was, Buffy begged him to stop. "I wan to come around you! Please…" Buffy begged as she pulled Angel closer to her.

"And how do you propose we do that?" Angel asked, thinking about positions.

"You need to ask?" Buffy mentioned breathlessly as she slowly turned around on all fours.

"I suppose that means doggy." Angel said hesitantly as he stood over behind Buffy.

"You never needed that much guidance is something wrong? Don't you want to do this?"

Before Buffy could lose that radiant nearly there sensation before the orgasm, in pointless talking, Angel shoved forward, burring himself to the hilt. He nearly came undone with the unbearable tightness but he breathed deeply and held on to her round hips for leverage.

Buffy gasped as she felt him completely inside her, even though he remained motionless, she could feel him fighting for control, she was sure he died to ram inside her over and over again.

"Touch me… talk to me…" Buffy whispered as she took Angel's hand and drew it to her breast, he tried to keep the weight off her but it was hard to achieve with only one hand free.

"I've got an idea…" It took every neuron Angel had to think when he was buried inside his love, and at the verge of coming.

"Tell me about it."

"Tell me about … what you are feeling now." Angel started trusting inside, slow, and shallow, but insistently hard enough to feel Buffy getting tighter and hotter around him.

"Well… you, I'm feeling you. God you are so big,"

"Not like that, I mean emotionally…" Hell had officially frozen over, Angelus O'Quinn wanted to know how she felt during sex… emotionally speaking.

Buffy was taken by surprise with that question, so much that it tore her out of balance; she slipped to her side and turned around to see him eye to eye.

The loss of warmth was like a physical blow to Angel.

"I'm—I feel silly, I feel like I'm forcing you to have sex with me?" Buffy whispered.

"How could you? You are half my size and you can hardly keep yourself in one piece let alone force me into anything. I am the one imposing on you. And God helps me I won't stop now!" Angel mentioned as he raised her leg, placed it on his shoulder and rammed himself back home.

Buffy moaned as he entered her and started moving in and out fast. "I like it, I like knowing you want me. I like it when… I make you come to me. I love the feeling of your big cock inside me… I love how you fill me…" Buffy mentioned huskily as she started trembling, her orgasm right about there.

Angel pushed inside harder and faster, bumping her clit each time he came in, suddenly it started getting wetter and hotter, and before he knew he felt those tell tale contractions, and the rush of moans and sighs that followed it.

It took very little effort for Angel to just push harder a few more times, and in seconds he was done.

Angel sighed several times, composing before he could continue the conversation. "I mean—besides the size—don't you feel worshipped? Like anything is possible, like there are no boundaries? Don't you feel like we were meant for each other?"

Buffy turned around and wrapped her arms around Angel's torso. "I do, I feel like the centre of the universe… when you make love to me."

"That's exactly what I want." Angel said as he kissed Buffy on the lips, slow, languorously, seductively. He intended to stoke the fire again, once just wasn't enough; he needed to feel her around him again.

Buffy gasped as he once more smoothly and efficiently entered her completely in one thrust, spreading her wide open, vulnerable on his continued assaults on her sensitive clit. She was amazed how easily her body accommodated his large size even when she was so tiny and so far advanced on her pregnancy.

Angelus had never been a religious man, but he thought that heaven had to feel like that. Her tight wet sheath stretched perfectly around him, holding him inside of her barnacle-like, anchored both inside her channel and in more intimate way inside her uterus. It felt so damn good that he felt his cock lengthen fully and grow inside of her more, a clear indication that it was a lot more than just sex.

He worried about the baby, but he had read enough to know the baby was in no particular risk, that in fact semen helped to speed up birth and usually eased natural contraptions. Though, he didn't want to start preterm labour either so he was careful not to bump too hard or go too deep.

His pace was slow and relaxed the second time around. Buffy sighed sheepishly; she knew he would be patient, take his time, wait until her orgasm arrived, before he could pursue his own.

Her sighs turned into gasps and moans as he leaned down and took an aching nipple in his mouth sucking on it hungrily. The position was slightly uncomfortable, sex sideways was new to both of them but Angel managed it with a pillow on her right side, where her leg rested and gave him enough space to be on top, and not press the belly at the same time. And Buffy could still see him, feel him and hear him right next to her.

It came slowly like a tidal wave that grows and take over the body, she shuddered with uncontrollable spasms, feeling like her body would snap in two in any second, and Angel followed her, Buffy was always amazed on how easy he would match her time, as soon as she came he would come right after her.

What she didn't know is that he just hanged onto her for dear life, he controlled his mind and body to hold the orgasm until she was done, because it was usually harder and far more intense when he came feeling her pulsing heat around him, sort of like he waged a war to win the prize of coming to her wet hot, pulsing heaven, to deserve more pleasure just because he could wait.

After a while Buffy remembered Angel's original question, and finally found the real answer.

"I feel like I can be me, laugh or cry, be silly and it would still be alright. I feel safe when I'm in your arms. To know that you love me inside out makes me feel safe; it makes me trust you in every way." Buffy mentioned as she caressed Angel's head. He was resting his head down on the crest of her belly, right between Buffy's breasts and above her belly button. He could feel her heart beating, her chest raising and falling for air and the baby moving around slowly.

"I love you." Angel whispered as he spawned the small bump and felt the baby kicking to his touch. He wanted to become one with her, fuse his body to her side, and never let go, but he couldn't, so he would have to settle for this moments of perfect completion and intimacy.

"I love _you._" Buffy responded as she kissed Angel's head. He was so big he engulfed her with his long arms and broad shoulders, but that made her feel completely protected, like there was no other place in the world better than that, like nobody could hurt her there.

And it truth, there wasn't.

ZZZ

"_**Wake up I'm pounding on the door  
I'm not the man I was before  
where the hell are you  
when I need you…"  
**_

ZZZ

**October 1****st****,**

**Old Tulsa, Ohio**

"We didn't plan this, but when David told us you were nearly due, we figure we had to throw you a baby shower." Cordelia said as both Angel and Buffy entered the book store, they had decorated it with pink and purple balloons, teddy bears and stork images.

There was a huge sign that said, 'we are having a girl!' and someone had painted a graffiti that said: 'we can't wait for Abby' judging by the hand writing, it must have been Cordelia.

"You guys didn't have to do this! Thank you!" Buffy whispered as she hugged Cordelia. It was a surprise baby shower, and Cordelia had invited everybody in the town, and they were all there.

Buffy started saying hello to everyone, receiving presents and before she knew it she felt like she actually belong there, people were wishing them the best, and they all wanted to be godparents, apparently no kids had been born in Old Tulsa in over ten years.

"Abigail Amanda is a beautiful name, very sound, and very dignified. You've made a great choice." Mrs. Emily Morton said; she was the owner of the Independence Inn, the first person who had welcomed Buffy on Old Tulsa.

"It's a family name," Buffy said.

"It's my grandmother's name," Angel complemented as she stood next to Buffy and offered her a piece of cake.

"That's even sweeter, honoring tradition is always right. I was told you'll get married next year? Could I hope for an invitation?" Emily mentioned joking; Cordelia had spread the word quicker than the New York Post, David Moore and Sarah Miles would get married come next April fools day 2009 on the Secret Heart church in Salem. No pun intended about the date.

"Of course, the whole town is invited, though I must warn you that there may be pranks!" Buffy admitted as she thought that even if it was unlikely to marry that day, she felt as though she liked the idea of been foolishly and completely in love. And Angel approved of the date based on his idea of making a very peculiar celebration.

"I'll be prepared!" Emily said as she walked away from Buffy following a tray of Doritos and garlic dip.

"Sarah, there's a guy snooping around, he's not from around. What should I do?" Doyle asked Sarah as they both noticed who was the guy snooping.

"I'll talk to him." Buffy said as she swallowed hard, the man in question was Daniel Holtz, he was following after Angel, Buffy noticed as she saw Angel taking to Cordelia, and Holtz catching fleeting glances to the pair.

Buffy though about how to get Angel's attention and as she did, she started walking by the shelves hiding from Holtz and trying to get to Angel.

As she walked through the people, Buffy stole a glance outside the store, a suspicious black BMW was parked outside, and a familiar face was talking over a cell phone, it was Quentin Travers.

Buffy didn't wait, she went behind the counter, opened the safety box and pulled out a glock 19, 9 mm automatic; she installed the sound suppressor and placed the gun inside the back of her maternity pants. Nobody noticed, most people were attacking the Doritos and the dips.

But Angel noticed Buffy's sudden disappearance, and he went looking for her. Instead he found himself face to face with Daniel Holtz.

"Hello, old friend, long time no see." Daniel said as he noticed Angel's frantic countenanced and how he seemed to look everywhere for somebody. "What's wrong, son? Did you lose your girlfriend again?"

Angel breathed hard and deep several times, time had frozen over as they both stood eye to eye, people kept walking around them as if nothing was happening but they were wary of each other, ready to pull out a gun and shot, almost in the style of western movies.

"Hello, Daniel. It's a pleasure to see you again." Angel mentioned as sarcastically as he could.

"Ouch, that actually hurts, I _am_ happy to see you." Daniel said as he looked around the place, he noticed the theme and sighed. "So it's a kiddy party, that's no big deal—I won't tell anybody—and by the way your new girlfriend is smoking hot. I never though you'd cross over to the brunette wagon." Daniel thought Cordelia was Angel's new girlfriend.

"What's your business here?" Angel asked cutting to the chase.

Daniel thought about it twice, his business was perfectly clear; he wanted to kill Angelus O'Quinn with his own bare hands.

"We'll if you have to ask, I'm here to kill you." Holtz admitted unabashed. "And if you don't want bloodshed you'll come with me now, quietly so, I don't want to upset anybody here."

Meanwhile, Buffy walked around the block, avoiding the frontal sight of her former boss; she sneaked behind him, and crawled, when she reached the door of she passenger seat; she slowly opened the handle and slipped inside the car behind Quentin.

Buffy pulled the gun and aimed it at Quentin's head. She was satisfied to know she still got it. "Hello, old friend," Buffy said.

"You are about as silent and inconspicuous as a purple hippo… _in a ballet_. But you at least are alive." Quentin said jokingly. "I'm going to give you a small piece of advice. Go away now."

"Whatever makes you think I'll go just because you say so?"

"Holtz has your husband on a net, one word and he dies, I don't want to see that happening to you too, so I'm giving you a chance to leave now, when there's still time."

"Well, dear Boss, I have something called loyalty, I know you've never heard of this, much less exercise it, but I won't go away," Buffy said as she aimed the gun and released the safety lock, ready to shot if he dared breathe too loud. "And I have a very strong impulse to kill you on the spot, call it raging pregnancy hormones."

"Daniel doesn't know you are here, alive and with him, and if he did he would love to kill you too."

"Look at me shaking," Buffy taunted as she felt a very strong contraption take over her. She begged to god it wasn't labor, but something like a small pop made her tremble, and then she felt a huge urge to urinate and the squishy feeling of her water breaking.

"I gave you an opportunity, now he's stepping out with Angel…"

"Turn the car on and pick them up," Buffy ordered Quentin. She was now determined to end it there and then.

Travers didn't want to enter the circus, but it was too late, he pulled over and thinking that everything was alright, Holtz opened the door and shoved Angel inside; he went in and saw Buffy scooted to the far end, signaling him to be quiet.

When Holtz came into the car, Buffy changed the aim of the gun to his head.

"Well, what the fuck is going on here?" Daniel asked furious with Quentin. "I though you said she was dead!"

"I lied." Quentin said as he drove forward.

"Turn left here, and go into the old road, we need to talk long and hard." Buffy said as she gave Angel the gun. He felt the wetness on the seat and his heart started pounding.

"Pull over, Buffy is going to get down here," Angel said.

The moment of distraction was enough for Daniel to pull out his gun and aim back at Angel, making things even.

"No, she isn't. She's coming with us. Aren't you, Mrs. O'Quinn?" Daniel asked wickedly.

"I am, you are not alone Angel, we stick together, no matter what."

"How sweet! The whore fell in love with her pimp! You make me want to cry." Holtz mentioned cynically. "Dear Agent Summers, it seems like you've crossed over to the dark side, that's not a problem, I've got a bullet with your name too."

"If you shot, nobody will come out of this car alive." Buffy suggested as she pulled the gun away from her face. "And I'm sure you don't want to die today. Don't you, Daniel?"

"Oh, we are on first name basis now? How odd, I thought whores didn't call their customers by their names."

Angel raised the gun again and noticing that Buffy was every bit as angry as he was, he pulled her to the side and plastered to gun to Daniel's temple. "I'm going to end this now."

"No! Angel don't!" Buffy screamed as she pulled Angel's arm, he shot none the less, but he got sidetracked and he end up hitting Quentin Travers on the shoulder.

When Daniel heard the gun shot he raised the gun as well, but Angel was quicker, he used the gun to slap Daniel on the face as he took Daniel's gun away with the left hand, it was all so quick, and in such a small place that the second shot wasn't even heard.

Buffy had been applying pressure to Quentin's wound, so she was leaned over the seat to check his vitals, when she suddenly felt the unbearable burning of been shot.

"Fuck not again!" Buffy screamed as she touched her collarbone, her hand came dripping blood, Daniel Holtz had shot her.

"You fucking shot her!" Angel screamed as he pulled Daniel from behind, using his arm like and band to suffocate Daniel from behind.

Noticing the horrible bloodshed going on, Quentin turned around, horrified with the situation he panicked and pressed the gas pedal on un-avertedly, closing his eyes and dropping his hands away from the wheel; he lost control of the vehicle and crashed up against a car coming from the other direction.

The collision was so strong, and on such a high velocity that the BMW revolved and turned ending up above the other car for several second and then fell to the side. The whole front compacted and the front mirror exploded into a million pieces.

No one of them was wearing the safety belt.

ZZZ

**October 1****st**

**Mercy Hospital Cleveland, Ohio**

"I need to see Buffy." Angel repeated mindlessly, the doctors were trying to tend to his wounds but he was the only one conscious, and he fought tooth and nail to get to his wife. They had taken all of the wounded to Mercy Hospital at Cleveland including Buffy.

"You need to calm down, you have a very serious compound fracture on your right arm, you'll need surgery and I'm going to give you x-rays to check for any further broken bones." The intern said as he tried to put Angel on a gurney for the eleventh time.

"He's in shock. We should give him some sort of tranquilizer." One of residents said, as he loaded a syringe with Ativan.

"No! Just tell me where's my wife, she's pregnant, she was in the accident. I need to see her."

"He means Sarah Miles, the woman in surgery." The intern told the resident. "I thought it was somebody else because he kept saying Buffy, maybe that's her pet name."

"Probably," The Resident still gave Angel the shot, and then when they got him on a gurney and started trying to take him to x-ray labs, they explained what had happened to him. "Your wife is in surgery, I don't know how she is doing, but at least she wasn't critical, your kidnapers on the other hand, they are both dead, one got expelled out of the car and the other broke his neck on the tumbling. You and your wife are safe here."

The police had turned the story into a frustrated kidnapping.

"Can I see her?" Angel asked softly.

"As soon as you are out of surgery yourself,"

ZZZ

"_**Look into my eyes - you will see  
What you mean to me  
Search your heart - search your soul  
And when you find me there you'll search no more …**_

Look into your heart - you will find  
There's nothing' there to hide  
Take me as I am - take my life  
I would give it all - I would sacrifice …"

ZZZ

**October 4****th**

**Old Tulsa Ohio**

Buffy came inside the bookstore and closed the door behind her; Angel had Abby on one hand and his cast in the other. Surgery had been successful for both of them.

Buffy had had the bullet removed, and an emergency c-section. Angel had needed near two hours of surgery to repair his terrible arm fracture, and he now had a band of steel holding all the pieces together, but he was otherwise unhurt.

Both Holtz and Quentin had died, for some strange reason the air bag hadn't work fast enough, by the time it opened Quentin had been expelled and Angel had broken Daniel's neck, and his arm, on the process.

The driver on the other car had survived—thank God—and he at least, was happy to have frustrated a kidnapping.

Abby was born with a healthy six pounds weight and no diseases whatsoever, nor deaf, nor mentally ill, she was not underdeveloped in any way.

All good news… news that Cordelia had spread through the web; and Willow had read; realizing that it was too much coincidence; Willow decided to travel there and see her with her own eyes.

"My god! She's gorgeous!" Faith said as she saw Angel holding the baby. "She's got my looks." Faith said as she noticed that Abby had dark brown hair, amber eyes and the most precious round, cherubic face with a pouty mouth, and a tiny little nose that Faith had ever seen.

Neither Buffy nor Angel were capable of speaking.

"I'm sorry we came like this, but one could hardly call to announce an intervention, right?" Faith asked noticing their faces.

"We just wanted to know if it was you." Willow admitted timidly.

"You could have sent me an email." Buffy muttered as she dropped her luggage and hugged Willow. "How are you? It's been eons since the last time I saw you."

"That's an understatement. Listen, I've got someone who's dying to see you." Willow said as she opened the back door. Outside were Tara and Rescuer. "I had my hopes that I would find you here."

"Oh my God! Come here boy, you must not remember me, do you?" Buffy said as she got down and started hugging the dog. But the dog remembered her perfectly; he started jumping and bouncing, moving the tale to and fro and just expressing how happy he was to see his owner again.

"Oh, the devil is back." Angel mentioned as he noticed the dog licking Buffy. "You be careful, darling. You are still convalescent."

"I'm overwhelmed. I mean, we've got a kid, and now it seems like we've got friends, and family all together again. I just wasn't expecting this!" Buffy mentioned as she stared at all the people around her. "I guess Abby is not going to be so lonely after all?"

"You bet, lets go inside, you shouldn't be bouncing just yet." Angel mentioned as he handed Buffy the baby. "And I think your daughter is hungry." Abby had been sucking her thumb insistently, and then she was starting to whine.

"It's like it's almost too perfect to be true." Buffy said as she went upstairs to her room.

With all the rush Angel hadn't had the time to show her the baby room. He had redecorated, added stuff like a rocking chair, a drawer, a bunch of stuffed animals, a swing and even painted the walls with the Disney princesses theme.

"Oh, that's…" Buffy didn't get to finish, she felt like hot tears were choking her. "Thank you," She whispered as she kissed Angel on the lips.

"Don't mention it, I did it with pleasure."

"Abigail Amanda, that's grandma's name, whoa, that's very, well that's amazing." Faith said as she also felt emotion constraining her throat. "Now I'm sorry I came here for the money!" Faith admitted as she wiped tears.

"You didn't give her a key?" Buffy asked to Angel. He said no with the head, and made a hopeless gesture. "Your brother is helpless, darling. He couldn't remember anything if his life depended on it."

"How did you manage all this time then?" Angel asked seriously.

"I had money left from the time I went to Aspen, and I worked in Switzerland, I became an English teacher, believe it or not." Faith admitted with a tinge of pride, she had managed to make a clean break from the organization after all.

"That's great; I guess you are looking for a job again? Do you plan to move back to the states?" Angel asked with hope as well as pride.

"I've been here since you guys dismantled the cartel, you are extremely difficult to find, you know? If it wasn't for Cordelia and Willow I would have never find you."

"Stay here with us then, Old Tulsa may be small but it's never boring." Buffy suggested as she fed Abby. "Beside you are an auntie now, you have duties."

"Are you kidding? Of course I'll stay." Faith said as she hugged Angel. "Way to go, bro. they are amazing. I knew you could do it. I'm proud of you."

As Faith and Angel shared a moment, Willow stood over Buffy and just stared at the baby.

"Do you think Angel would like to donate us some sperm, 'cause he makes beautiful babies." Willow joked as she and Tara watched the baby with moony eyes.

"I don't know, I honestly don't—I mean I don't own his sperm. You'd have to ask him. Though I have no problems… and he does make beautiful babies." Buffy said as she caressed Abby's fuzzy dark brown hair.

"I'll do it if I can do it the old fashion way." Angel joked, since he had heard the awkward proposition. "I'm kidding. I'm sorry, I can't. I only want to have kids with Buffy. She might appear to be a modern accommodating female, but I know her, she's a jealous little minx, and I really think we are going to have a few more of these little cherubs in the future, so I'm saving my little fishers for family projects."

Buffy didn't just laugh she snorted. "Ok, we'll think about it in a couple of years."

"Great! Who wants pizza, I'm starving!" Angel said as he went downstairs with the rest of crowd, leaving Buffy and Abby on the nursery.

"I guess that's just you and me now, Abby. I should tell you that you have an amazing dad, a bunch of crazy aunties and a dog too. Welcome home, sweetheart, this is where you'll grow old, and as your daddy just suggested you'll not be alone for long, we'll give you siblings soon, but you'll always be special. Ok?" the baby stared at Buffy with her big round amber eyes, a lighter shade of Angel's chocolate but still she took after him. "And just so you know I love you very much."

Angel had installed the baby monitor and he had tested it on the kitchen, so he was hearing what she said to the baby.

"She is a great mom, Abby is so lucky." Tara mentioned, she had never spoken to Angel before but she instantly liked him.

"And I'm the luckiest man in the world." Angel said as he smiled, he opened a bottle of champagne and offered it to the crazy aunties, for Buffy and him he chose apple cider, he had committed to his vows, all of them.

He had committed to remain sober, to be faithful to Buffy, to always tell the truth to Buffy no matter what, to protect his family and above all things to cherish what he had, because he had suffered and hungered for it more than anybody else in the world and finally, he had been rewarded with his dream.

ZZZ

The End

ZZZ

Dearest reader:

Hooker is over, and I've been racking my brain to find a song that fits, I couldn't find a perfect one, so I just choose one of my all time favorites, I hope you enjoy it, because it helped me end it!

Thank you all for the feedback, and now I beg you to review me!

The mean kitten.

**Song used on this chapter:**

When you look me in the eyes by Jonas Brothers

Broken by Lifehouse

When you are gone by Avril Lavigne

Your body is a wonderland by John Mayer

I'm yours by Jason Mraz  
Wake up by Three Days Grace

Everything I do I do it for you by Brian Adams_**  
**_Basket case by Green Day

**ZZZ**

**Basket case **

**by GreenDay**

Do you have the time to listen to me whine  
About nothing and everything all at once  
I am of those  
Melodramatic fools  
Neurotic to the bone no doubt about it

Sometimes I give myself the creeps  
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me  
It all keeps adding up  
I think I'm cracking up  
Am I just paranoid?  
I'm just stoned

I went to a shrink  
To analyze my dreams  
She says it's lack of sex that's bringing me down  
I went to a whore  
He said my live's a bore  
And quit no whining cause it's bringing her down

Sometimes I give myself the creeps  
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me  
It all keeps adding up  
I think I'm cracking up  
Am I just paranoid?  
Or I'm just stoned

Yeah, yeah yeah

Grasping to control  
So you better hold on

Sometimes I give myself the creeps  
Sometimes my mind plays tricks on me  
It all keeps adding up  
I think I'm cracking up  
Am I just paranoid?  
Or I'm just stoned

Yeah, yeah yeah


End file.
